SpecOps Quotes

“First item in the crew roster is given name, so I'll input 'Skippy'. Second item is surname-"
"The Magnificent."
"Really?"
"It is entirely appropriate, Joe."
"Oh, uh huh, because that's what everyone calls you," I retorted sarcastically, rolling my eyes. Not wanting to argue with him, I typed in 'TheMagnificent'.
"Next question is your rank, this file is designed for military personnel."
"I'd like 'Grand Exalted Field Marshall El Supremo'." "Right, I'll type in 'Cub Scout'. Next question-"
"Hey! You jerk-"
"-is occupational specialty."
"Oh, clearly that should be Lord God Controller of All Things."
"I'll give you that one, that is spelled A, S, S, H, O, L, E. Next-"
"Hey! You shithead, I should-"
"Age?" I asked.
"A couple million, at least. I think."
"Mentally, you're a six year old, so that's what I typed in."
"Joe, I just changed your rank in the personnel file to 'Big Poopyhead'." Skippy laughed.
"Five year old. You're a five year old."
"I guess that's fair," he admitted.
"Sex? I'm going to select 'n/a' on that one for you," I said.
"Joe, in your personnel file, I just updated Sex to 'Unlikely'."
"This is not going well, Skippy."
"You started it!"
"That was mature. Four year old, then. Maybe Terrible Twos."
"I give up," Skippy snorted. "Save the damned file and we'll call it even, Ok?"
"No problem. We should do this more often, huh?"
"Oh, shut up.”
― Craig Alanson, SpecOps

“it is better to remain silent and be thought an idiot, than to speak and remove all doubt'.”
― Craig Alanson, SpecOps

“Don’t worry, I am very confident. Fairly confident. Somewhat confident. Ok, yes, I’m making this shit up as I go, all right? Give me a freakin' break.”
― Craig Alanson, SpecOps

“helicopters don't use aerodynamics to fly, they just beat the air into submission.”
― Craig Alanson, SpecOps

“Semper Taedium could be our motto: 'Always Boredom'. I'd be happy with that.”
― Craig Alanson, SpecOps

“We put my possibly not incredibly awful stupid plan into action two days later. Two days after that, the Kristang took the bait.”
― Craig Alanson, SpecOps

“The Ranger nodded. "We are unlikely to do anything against beings who moved an entire planet, so how about 'vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lord'?" "That's good," I agreed. One of the Indian soldiers nodded. "We have a similar saying. We say 'karma is a bitch'.”
― Craig Alanson, SpecOps

“BLUF it for me, Skippy, Ok?" "What?" "Bottom Line Up Front. BLUF. Tell me the important stuff first. Come on, you know US military slang.”
― Craig Alanson, SpecOps

“livable?" "I was getting to that. Where was I?”
― Craig Alanson, SpecOps

“That is a very common misconception, even in the scientific community, except for people who specialize in biology. On Earth today, plants such as trees do generate substantial amounts of free oxygen. However, single-celled organisms utilizing photosynthesis converted Earth's atmosphere billions of years ago, from an anaerobic state, to a state saturated with free oxygen. This was long before the appearance of any land plants; the buildup of free oxygen was delayed by minerals on the surface, such as iron, absorbing the free oxygen until the mineral base became saturated. At that point, we think the free oxygen reduced the amount of methane in Earth's atmosphere. Methane is a powerful greenhouse gas, so falling methane levels triggered Earth's first ice age. That may be what happened”
― Craig Alanson, SpecOps

“Damn, you flap your lips so hard sometimes, I think you are going to take off like a bird.”
― Craig Alanson, SpecOps

“you have a bright career ahead of you as a criminal mastermind. Or, you, know, politics.”
― Craig Alanson, SpecOps

“FUUUUUUUUUUUCK!”
-Skippy The Magnifecent”
― Craig Alanson, SpecOps

“Elder radio,”
― Craig Alanson, SpecOps

“ergonomically”
― Craig Alanson, SpecOps

“caverns”
― Craig Alanson, SpecOps