The F Word Quotes

“But, it’s not like I ever let my guard down. It’s not like I ever feel safe in this new life. I am an interloper obsessed with honing my facade. I’ve built my entire life—my new life—around keeping my past a secret. My husband knows bits and pieces, but even the little bits he knows have been reshaped and colored by my persistent rewriting and massaging of the “facts.” I shudder to think what would happen if he knew the truth of who I was. The whole truth.”
― Liza Palmer, The F Word

“I naively thought that all I had to do to pull this off was toss my fat history out like trash. I couldn’t make the deal fast enough.”
― Liza Palmer, The F Word

“I play the “Guess Who’s on a First Date” game. Which ninety-seven-pound girl is eating her weight in pasta, thinking the best way to ensnare a man is by acting like you’re an effortlessly sexy robot who doesn’t sweat, poop, diet, or nag?”
― Liza Palmer, The F Word

“While I may hate that I was once fat, I am absolutely thankful that I grew up relying on something other than beauty.”
― Liza Palmer, The F Word

“Congratulations, Caroline Lang! Your test scores look great and you’ve clearly learned from this experience. We are granting you admission to the next phase of your life. You are now relieved of any and all feelings you once had for your ex-husband.” I speak in as newscastery a voice as I can. Caroline laughs. “Please see admissions about the lovely man who’s been assigned to take you on an adventurous romp through the exotic locale of your choice. While you’re there you will be able to gaze out onto the body of water of your choosing as you cry sublimely, remembering what you’ve endured.”
― Liza Palmer, The F Word

“Gus’s earnest, yet completely hollow apology is the true hallmark of life in your twenties. It’s a decade marked by belligerently misguided proclamations announced as if they’re both bold and revolutionary. But these same bold and revolutionary pronouncements are never backed up by careful research, work experience, or other boring things like letting oneself learn and be humbled by someone who might know better. No, step aside! Here comes a twenty-five-year-old with all the answers!”
― Liza Palmer, The F Word

“We only talk shit about the women we’re afraid jeopardize the things we have and want. That’s why when I was fat, people made fun of me, but no one gossiped about me.”
― Liza Palmer, The F Word

“Leah and Gregory met through friends. I imagine the introduction was something like, “Hey, he’s rich and has a summer house in Montecito and she’s a hot makeup artist who was a yoga instructor and can still put her legs behind her head.” Aaaaand cue Mendelssohn’s “Wedding March.”
― Liza Palmer, The F Word

“Leah’s intelligence, wit, and level of coolness in a woman who looked like I used to would make her a “fun work colleague” or “a hilarious sexless friend in whom I confide about my love life.” But put those same characteristics in a super hot girl and you now have men falling all over themselves to crown her Time’s Person of the Year.”
― Liza Palmer, The F Word

“When a man says you’re going to “really be surprised” by a new woman he’s dating, he means that for someone so hot they’re not a complete dipshit.”
― Liza Palmer, The F Word