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I Love You Subject to the Following Terms and Conditions Quotes
I Love You Subject to the Following Terms and Conditions
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Erin Lyon429 ratings, 3.80 average rating, 110 reviews
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I Love You Subject to the Following Terms and Conditions Quotes
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“Jonathan wants to come here and try to pick me up. Not pick me up like a ride pick me up—like a take me home and screw me pick me up.”
“Yeah—I got your meaning. And?”
“I don’t know.”
“Katie! He’s messing you up!” When Logek gets annoyed, she talks with her hands, and they were waving around a lot right now.
“True story.”
“He thinks he can have it both ways. He doesn’t want the commitment, but he still wants you.”
“Absolutely right. But…”
“But?”
“But if I’m thinking about having meaningless sex tonight—couldn’t it be with him?”
Logek grunted and pulled out her phone and started typing. Curious. Then she turned her screen to me: mean·ing·less [mee-ning-lis] adjective without meaning, significance, purpose, or value; purposeless; insignificant.
Unbelievable. Bitch pulled up the definition.
“Now, doll, which part of that do you think would apply if you went home with Jonathan tonight?”
I scowled at her. She deserved it. Using all that common sense and bullshit.
“I rest my case,” she said, folding her arms across her chest.
“Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine.” Because one “fine” would not have sufficed.”
― I Love You Subject to the Following Terms and Conditions
“Yeah—I got your meaning. And?”
“I don’t know.”
“Katie! He’s messing you up!” When Logek gets annoyed, she talks with her hands, and they were waving around a lot right now.
“True story.”
“He thinks he can have it both ways. He doesn’t want the commitment, but he still wants you.”
“Absolutely right. But…”
“But?”
“But if I’m thinking about having meaningless sex tonight—couldn’t it be with him?”
Logek grunted and pulled out her phone and started typing. Curious. Then she turned her screen to me: mean·ing·less [mee-ning-lis] adjective without meaning, significance, purpose, or value; purposeless; insignificant.
Unbelievable. Bitch pulled up the definition.
“Now, doll, which part of that do you think would apply if you went home with Jonathan tonight?”
I scowled at her. She deserved it. Using all that common sense and bullshit.
“I rest my case,” she said, folding her arms across her chest.
“Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine.” Because one “fine” would not have sufficed.”
― I Love You Subject to the Following Terms and Conditions
“Who would you be if you could have anything you wanted, whenever you wanted it? Sure, it seems like a nice idea, but I’d think you couldn’t help but start to view people—at least women—like pets rather than people. No wonder he looked intrigued by me. I’m the equivalent of a talking house cat.”
― I Love You Subject to the Following Terms and Conditions
― I Love You Subject to the Following Terms and Conditions
“Once I was back in the office, I stopped by Mags’s cubicle and rested my arms on the top of one of the walls of her cubby. She was in red today. Red-red. Scarlet Letter red. Lipstick, sweater, four-inch heels. Red. God, I envied her … balls.”
― I Love You Subject to the Following Terms and Conditions
― I Love You Subject to the Following Terms and Conditions
“At about 11:45, I grabbed my purse and headed for the door. I did a quick stop by Mags’s desk again.
“Meeting the ‘complication’ for lunch,” I said, widening my eyes.
“Well, on behalf of women everywhere, I would just like to say … fuck him already. The rest of us need to live vicariously through you.”
I laughed. “I’ll take that under advisement.”
― I Love You Subject to the Following Terms and Conditions
“Meeting the ‘complication’ for lunch,” I said, widening my eyes.
“Well, on behalf of women everywhere, I would just like to say … fuck him already. The rest of us need to live vicariously through you.”
I laughed. “I’ll take that under advisement.”
― I Love You Subject to the Following Terms and Conditions
“I smiled at her as she came closer to study me.
“Damn.”
“Thanks.”
“You kind of look like a zombie.”
“So I’ve been told.”
“A really, really pretty zombie. Like a supermodel zombie. Who was killed by a blow to the face.”
I laughed. “Stop with the compliments.”
She winked and headed back out my door.”
― I Love You Subject to the Following Terms and Conditions
“Damn.”
“Thanks.”
“You kind of look like a zombie.”
“So I’ve been told.”
“A really, really pretty zombie. Like a supermodel zombie. Who was killed by a blow to the face.”
I laughed. “Stop with the compliments.”
She winked and headed back out my door.”
― I Love You Subject to the Following Terms and Conditions
“When you found out I was gonna be single, you just flipped a switch and you weren’t into me anymore. Can you teach me that?
No. Sorry. It’s a special talent … takes years of cynicism and distrust … things you are not cut out for.
How do you know? I can be WAY cynical. And I trust no one.
Kate. You’re such a cream puff.
Did Adam Lucas really just call me a cream puff?
In the graduation newspaper in high school people voted for students as Norse gods and I was voted Goddess of Ice
I have trouble believing that.
True story. Hand to God. Although, I guess it could have been my eyes.
Doubtful. You have some of the warmest eyes I’ve ever seen.”
― I Love You Subject to the Following Terms and Conditions
No. Sorry. It’s a special talent … takes years of cynicism and distrust … things you are not cut out for.
How do you know? I can be WAY cynical. And I trust no one.
Kate. You’re such a cream puff.
Did Adam Lucas really just call me a cream puff?
In the graduation newspaper in high school people voted for students as Norse gods and I was voted Goddess of Ice
I have trouble believing that.
True story. Hand to God. Although, I guess it could have been my eyes.
Doubtful. You have some of the warmest eyes I’ve ever seen.”
― I Love You Subject to the Following Terms and Conditions
“I feel like a fool.”
“You aren’t.”
“I don’t want to be this person. God! I feel like you’ve been trying to pick me up off the floor for weeks!”
“You’ve had a string of really shitty luck, honey.”
I laughed. And it turned to tears again.
My phone buzzed on the coffee table where I’d set it down. I don’t think I can handle more of Jonathan wanting to talk. What more was there to say?
When I didn’t move toward the phone, Logek picked it up and looked at the screen. She turned it toward me so that I could see.
Adam.
“Shall we read it?”
I shrugged and started crying again. Who gives a shit what he has to say?
Logek looked at the screen and frowned. She read it aloud.
“The tragic marble fortress is going to bed. See you tomorrow, yes?”
Logek just looked at me with lowered brows, waiting to see if I would explain.
I sniffed, then straightened my shoulders. Time to pull yourself up, Kate. This fragile, damaged girl is not you. I blew out a long sigh.
“Let’s see. We got into it a little after work when he followed me out of the building. I sort of gave him my ‘you’re a broken toy and I’m not the least bit interested in a cold fish like you’ speech. I guess he was wondering if it would be enough to make me quit.”
Logek, god love her, dropped her head back onto the couch and started laughing”
― I Love You Subject to the Following Terms and Conditions
“You aren’t.”
“I don’t want to be this person. God! I feel like you’ve been trying to pick me up off the floor for weeks!”
“You’ve had a string of really shitty luck, honey.”
I laughed. And it turned to tears again.
My phone buzzed on the coffee table where I’d set it down. I don’t think I can handle more of Jonathan wanting to talk. What more was there to say?
When I didn’t move toward the phone, Logek picked it up and looked at the screen. She turned it toward me so that I could see.
Adam.
“Shall we read it?”
I shrugged and started crying again. Who gives a shit what he has to say?
Logek looked at the screen and frowned. She read it aloud.
“The tragic marble fortress is going to bed. See you tomorrow, yes?”
Logek just looked at me with lowered brows, waiting to see if I would explain.
I sniffed, then straightened my shoulders. Time to pull yourself up, Kate. This fragile, damaged girl is not you. I blew out a long sigh.
“Let’s see. We got into it a little after work when he followed me out of the building. I sort of gave him my ‘you’re a broken toy and I’m not the least bit interested in a cold fish like you’ speech. I guess he was wondering if it would be enough to make me quit.”
Logek, god love her, dropped her head back onto the couch and started laughing”
― I Love You Subject to the Following Terms and Conditions
“As I suspected, Jonathan was already home when I got there. Deep breaths, Kate. Dignity. There will be no crying, whining, or punching anyone in the nose. Probably.
He was in the kitchen when I came in. He looked contrite. Apologetic. And he put a glass of wine on the counter in front of me. What is it with the people in my life? Am I at that point where alcoholism has become a viable option? A girl’s got to wonder when everyone around her is always trying to subdue her with alcohol. I picked up the glass and started drinking as I headed to the bedroom.
I grabbed a small suitcase from the top of the closet and set it on the bed and started filling it.”
― I Love You Subject to the Following Terms and Conditions
He was in the kitchen when I came in. He looked contrite. Apologetic. And he put a glass of wine on the counter in front of me. What is it with the people in my life? Am I at that point where alcoholism has become a viable option? A girl’s got to wonder when everyone around her is always trying to subdue her with alcohol. I picked up the glass and started drinking as I headed to the bedroom.
I grabbed a small suitcase from the top of the closet and set it on the bed and started filling it.”
― I Love You Subject to the Following Terms and Conditions
“Whoa. Offsides. High-sticking. Hitting below the belt. And other such sports metaphors I could think of that express my feelings that he was so not playing fair. He’s dumping you. Focus. Eye on the prize. Prize? Not sure there’s any prize to be had here, so let’s go with the “focus” suggestion.”
― I Love You Subject to the Following Terms and Conditions
― I Love You Subject to the Following Terms and Conditions
“I drove to my parents slowly, not eager to get there. Not really eager to be anywhere. So I hit the Jack in the Box drive-through because when you’ve just had amazing yet regrettable sex with the former love of your life, you deserve a friggin’ milk shake, dammit. I got my chocolate milk shake (yes, with the thousand calories of whipped cream on top) and parked in the parking lot to drink it, rather than continuing to my parents.
My guilt-ridden solitude was interrupted by my phone buzzing. It was a text from Adam.
How’s it going?
Hmm. How is it going? I just gave in and had sex with the man that’s dumping me. I’m on my way to move in with my parents, which is every thirty-four-year-old woman’s dream. And I’m getting random texts from a man I don’t know that well, but who I would be more than willing to let screw me into forgetting about Jonathan. Oh, right—that guy’s no longer interested in me.
Adam. Question. Why are you texting me now that you are no longer trying to sleep with me?
Because I like you.
But I’m about to be single.
I want to be your friend. I don’t have any women friends so you can be my first.
Why no women friends?
Because they never want to keep it just friends. It gets awkward.
And me?
I got to know you before you were single so you were only interested in being friends. I like talking to you. I want to keep talking to you.
Why?
Why do I like talking to you or why do I want to keep talking to you?
Here we go again.
Never mind. What makes you think I’ll be satisfied keeping it just friends?
Because you’re in love with someone else.
Oh. Right. Damn. I’m sorta hoping to not be in love with him forever, you know.
Well, we’ll be friends until you fall for me;)
Wow. Arrogant. No. We’ll be friends until YOU fall for ME.
Either way, Kate.
Where was his conceited rebuttal? What is that sensation? Butterflies?
Gotta go. Talk to you later.
Good night, Kate.
Good night, Adam.
And just for the hell of it, I hit my head against the steering wheel.”
― I Love You Subject to the Following Terms and Conditions
My guilt-ridden solitude was interrupted by my phone buzzing. It was a text from Adam.
How’s it going?
Hmm. How is it going? I just gave in and had sex with the man that’s dumping me. I’m on my way to move in with my parents, which is every thirty-four-year-old woman’s dream. And I’m getting random texts from a man I don’t know that well, but who I would be more than willing to let screw me into forgetting about Jonathan. Oh, right—that guy’s no longer interested in me.
Adam. Question. Why are you texting me now that you are no longer trying to sleep with me?
Because I like you.
But I’m about to be single.
I want to be your friend. I don’t have any women friends so you can be my first.
Why no women friends?
Because they never want to keep it just friends. It gets awkward.
And me?
I got to know you before you were single so you were only interested in being friends. I like talking to you. I want to keep talking to you.
Why?
Why do I like talking to you or why do I want to keep talking to you?
Here we go again.
Never mind. What makes you think I’ll be satisfied keeping it just friends?
Because you’re in love with someone else.
Oh. Right. Damn. I’m sorta hoping to not be in love with him forever, you know.
Well, we’ll be friends until you fall for me;)
Wow. Arrogant. No. We’ll be friends until YOU fall for ME.
Either way, Kate.
Where was his conceited rebuttal? What is that sensation? Butterflies?
Gotta go. Talk to you later.
Good night, Kate.
Good night, Adam.
And just for the hell of it, I hit my head against the steering wheel.”
― I Love You Subject to the Following Terms and Conditions
“I needed a job. Now.
I felt certain that at some point I was going to have to apply for seasonal help at a department store or a waitressing job. But I had no waitressing experience. Irony. I’d managed to amass more than $100,000 in student loans and I wasn’t qualified for a waitressing job. Let’s hear it for higher education!”
― I Love You Subject to the Following Terms and Conditions
I felt certain that at some point I was going to have to apply for seasonal help at a department store or a waitressing job. But I had no waitressing experience. Irony. I’d managed to amass more than $100,000 in student loans and I wasn’t qualified for a waitressing job. Let’s hear it for higher education!”
― I Love You Subject to the Following Terms and Conditions
“No,” I said.
“No, what?”
“You know what you’re thinking.”
“How do you know what I was thinking?”
“I don’t know exactly. There is something about you that hits me like déjà vu.”
“I see.”
― I Love You Subject to the Following Terms and Conditions
“No, what?”
“You know what you’re thinking.”
“How do you know what I was thinking?”
“I don’t know exactly. There is something about you that hits me like déjà vu.”
“I see.”
― I Love You Subject to the Following Terms and Conditions
