Cupid Has a Heart-On Quotes

“I hate to break it to you, but not everything is about sex,” I announce with a roll of my eyes. “I don’t understand the words coming out of your mouth…”
― Tara Sivec, Cupid Has a Heart-On

“I’m not crying,” I sniffle. “My eyes are leaking fluid of frustration. There’s a difference.”
― Tara Sivec, Cupid Has a Heart-On

“Do people still use their phones to talk to other people? Because I don’t use mine for that.” Scheva”
― Tara Sivec, Cupid Has a Heart-On

“Eeeew, shower sex sucks. There’s always someone who doesn’t get any water and freezes their ass off, and then the other person is too busy trying to keep from drowning under the spray to enjoy it,”
― Tara Sivec, Cupid Has a Heart-On

“Are you coming to my barbeque?” she asks, confusing the hell out of me. “Uh, no?” “Then why you all up in my grill, yo?”
― Tara Sivec, Cupid Has a Heart-On

“She’s right. I know she’s right, but no one likes to admit they’re wrong.”
― Tara Sivec, Cupid Has a Heart-On

“I can go off to fight a war in another country, yet I can’t manage five minutes alone with Noel’s father without wanting to piss myself.”
― Tara Sivec, Cupid Has a Heart-On

“Your father’s safe word is donuts,” she muses. “But it’s always so confusing. I never know if he wants me to stop spanking him or if he’s just hungry.”
― Tara Sivec, Cupid Has a Heart-On

“According to Dante, there are nine circles of Hell: Limbo, Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Anger, Heresy, Violence, Fraud and Treachery. Clearly, he forgot about the tenth, rarely talked about circle: Moving Back Home with Your Parents. I’m guessing Dante never suffered through this burning inferno of misery and pain. Lucky bastard.”
― Tara Sivec, Cupid Has a Heart-On

“The three of us continue to stare wide-eyed at all of them, still screaming, laughing, and humping against each other’s asses until we hear a loud pop, and Scheva and Noel start jumping up and down, high-fiving each other in victory. “Weird,” Nicholas muses. “I don’t usually high-five my partner when I explode against her ass. Bitches be trippin’.”
― Tara Sivec, Cupid Has a Heart-On

“Stop talking,” he scolds. “I like you, Sam. As much as any man can like a guy who’s dipping a spoon in to his daughter’s yogurt before marriage.”
― Tara Sivec, Cupid Has a Heart-On

“As opposed to disrespecting Santa’s Workshop by swishing with semen?” she questions. Jesus God, you give ONE blowjob in the shed out back and no one lets you live it down.”
― Tara Sivec, Cupid Has a Heart-On