The Stocking Was Hung Quotes

“I want to know what it feels like to love someone so much that you would do anything for them, even at the risk of your own broken heart.”
― Tara Sivec, The Stocking Was Hung

“Mom, do you have pot hanging from the ceiling?”
― Tara Sivec, The Stocking Was Hung

“YOU DEFILED SANTA’S WORKSHOP! YOUR OPINION IS INVALID!”
― Tara Sivec, The Stocking Was Hung

“I brought pot mistletoe for you guys to kiss and make up under!”
― Tara Sivec, The Stocking Was Hung

“Oh, dear. He’s a pimp and he’s stupid, this is not good,” Bev mutters. “Leon, leave it to you to find the only stupid pimp in Seattle.”
― Tara Sivec, The Stocking Was Hung

“MOTHER FUCKER! HE SHOT MY BALLS!” Sam wails. “EVERYONE OUT OF MY WAY! HE NEEDS MOUTH TO BALL RESUSCITATION!” Aunt Bobbie screams, shuffling quickly to Sam’s side in her four-inch stilettos.”
― Tara Sivec, The Stocking Was Hung

“If this ancle/brister thing runs in the family and Noel used to be Neal, I will never live this shit down.”
― Tara Sivec, The Stocking Was Hung

“Mom, do you have pot hanging from the ceiling?” Noel asks. “You know your father needs it for his arthritis,” her mother sighs. “Pot—mistletoe, potato—potahto. It’s green and it’s festive, and you have to kiss under it.”
― Tara Sivec, The Stocking Was Hung

“And just like that, my vagina bursts into flames and I feel like it was completely unnecessary for the owners of this place to shovel the walk. I could just sit down on the sidewalk and scoot across it on my ass like a dog trying to itch its butt. My vagina would melt all the snow and ice in a matter of seconds.”
― Tara Sivec, The Stocking Was Hung

“Moving a safe distance away from her, I curse Dominic the mother fucking donkey.”
― Tara Sivec, The Stocking Was Hung

“I’ve been rendered dumb by waist indents and a tiny hint of dark, happy trail hair under his belly button that could double as an arrow pointing down to his crotch like one of those giant, blinking signs on the highway announcing road construction. Warning! Slow Down! Large Package in Pants Ahead! $200 Fine and Possible Loss of All Brain Function if Barrier is Crossed!”
― Tara Sivec, The Stocking Was Hung

“Would you rather have sex with Santa or one of his elves?” Nicholas asks, turning his attention to Aunt Bobbie. “That’s a tough one,”
― Tara Sivec, The Stocking Was Hung

“visions of just how he plans on being a better boyfriend taking over my dreams instead of dancing sugar plums.”
― Tara Sivec, The Stocking Was Hung

“Oh my, did you have another accident? It’s a good thing I made that urologist appointment,”
― Tara Sivec, The Stocking Was Hung

“Why should I even care? I just met this guy and I’m offering him a chance to have a nice Christmas instead of a boring, lonely one surrounded by Amish peeking in his windows looking for porn. I have nothing to feel guilty about, right?”
― Tara Sivec, The Stocking Was Hung