The Book of Basketball Quotes

“If you don't agree with me, I have two words for you: shut the fuck up.”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“But that's the thing about basketball: you don't play games on paper.”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“The secret of basketball is that it’s not about basketball.”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“You never know when true greatness is lurking around the corner. Just make sure you don’t forget the ones who already lurked.”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“So here’s the final Wine Cellar Team: ’77 Kareem, ’03 Duncan, ’86 Bird, ’92 Jordan, ’85 Magic (starters); ’86 McHale, ’92 Pippen, ’09 Wade, ’77 Walton, ’10 LeBron, ’09 Paul, ’01 Allen (bench).”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“That’s our starting five: ’86 Bird, ’03 Duncan, ’85 Magic, ’92 Jordan and ’77 Kareem. You cannot assemble a better five-man unit of modern guys.”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“a state of mind, an obligation, an expectation; in the end, an attitude. Excellence. It’s a rare chance to play with the best, to be the best. When you have it, you don’t want to give it up. It’s not easy and it’s not always fun … when you win as often as we do, you earn a right to lose. It’s losing to remember what winning feels like.”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“caused Brent Musburger to ejaculate on live TV”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“(the greatest for all of eternity unless someone makes one with their dick);”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“I know LeBron James is fantastic right now, but if he’s still winning championships by himself at thirty-six on the fourth version of himself, we can start talking about him and Jordan. And only then.”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“the dawn of masturbating.”)”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“the master of the half-inch.” Mrs. Pettit had no comment.)”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“(Wait, that sounds like me!)”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“Like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, Horry was always there if you needed him.”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“You feelin’ me? Word. This is one phat book I’m writing, yo. Recognize.”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“Hindenburg take off.)”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“throwing his cock around like it was a boomerang.”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“Brent Musburger’s orgasmic narration,”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“thirteen-year-old boys looking at porn for the first time,”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“The NBA: where questioning your sexuality happens!”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“career (like Bill Russell being a lousy announcer or O.J. being a lousy ex-husband). Here’s the killer excerpt: “The greatest struggle an athlete undergoes is the battle for our memories. It’s gradual. It begins before you’re aware that it’s begun, and it ends with a terrible fall from grace. It really is a battle to the death.”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“… he intended to exploit as best he could the traditional rivalries, for that was one of the best things the league had going for it, genuine rivalries in which the players themselves participated. Those rivalries, Boston-Philly, New York–Baltimore, needed no ballyhoo; the athletes themselves were self-evidently proud and they liked nothing better than to beat their opponents,”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“That’s control of the flow. Flow plus meaning equals performance.”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“I am a basketball fan. I am always ready for the next surprise. You never know when true greatness is lurking around the corner. Just make sure you don’t forget the ones who already lurked.”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“I’m going to isolate Barry off the court like a mass murderer so he can’t interact with teammates in any way. We’ll have to treat him the same way Hannibal Lecter was treated:”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“Why not start ’85 Magic (the ultimate for unselfish point guards) or maybe even bring ’82 Magic (younger, better defensively, capable of playing four positions, talented enough to average a shade under a triple double)”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“Their relentless competitiveness brought out the worst in opponents; I always found it fascinating that, for a team that ended up in so many fights, the Pistons never threw the first punch”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“fact, the ’01 Lakers swept a 50-win Blazers team (that nearly beat them the previous spring), a 55-win Kings team (that almost beat them 12 months later), and a 58-win Spurs team (that won three titles in the next six years),43 then came within an overtime loss of sweeping the 56-win Sixers,”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“the Lakers unleashed an all-time Keyser Söze run in April, winning 23 of their last 24 and coming within an OT loss in the Finals of sweeping the entire playoffs.41 So if we’re trying to find the most invincible team of all time,”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“Look for this when you’re not concentrating on how rattled Karl Malone was. 5.”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy