Xazaqazax Quotes

“My late summer shorts caught fire, and that’s when all the red of autumn began. We fell in love while she roasted marshmallows over my toasty genitals.”
― Jarod Kintz, Xazaqazax

“Three men walk into a bar. The third guy’s name is 333. The first guy’s name is The Second Guy, and the second guy’s name is I’m Not Lying. One of these men is not like the other two. Which one is why and who?”
― Jarod Kintz, Xazaqazax

“Apart from naked, nude is the best way to answer the door. I hope the pizza guy loved my big tip.”
― Jarod Kintz, Xazaqazax

“I have the lips of a lisp, and I kiss like kith. It sounds silly, but it feels more romantic.”
― Jarod Kintz, Xazaqazax

“My mustache can be your toothbrush for the one-time low cost of $1.23. Each mustoothbrush is made from 100% recycled material.”
― Jarod Kintz, Xazaqazax

“Sometimes I feel like the tenth dentist in the 9 out of 10 dentists surveys.”
― Jarod Kintz, Xazaqazax

“Boxing gloves/oven mitts could be used to fight fires. My uppercut can knock you out cold, like melting ice. Sip it slowly.”
― Jarod Kintz, Xazaqazax

“I had to quit lifting weights because people suspected I was using steroids. Nope. My penis is naturally this small.”
― Jarod Kintz, Xazaqazax

“My phone rang a long time, so I answered. How long? Eight feet long. My last relationship was half that long. I should be taller in love.”
― Jarod Kintz, Xazaqazax

“There’s an old saying in swimming—“Don’t drown.” At least there should be. I may have just Michael Phelpsed myself, but it’s all gold.”
― Jarod Kintz, Xazaqazax

“My meatloaf recipe calls for unforgivable sins, but we don’t have to put them in if we don’t want. As another meatloaf recipe said, “I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that.”
― Jarod Kintz, Xazaqazax

“I sell Jarod-shaped earplugs that just may plug up the hole in your heart. My earplugs are modeled after a nude Helen Keller.”
― Jarod Kintz, Xazaqazax