The Mistake Quotes

“I’m comfortable enough with my hetero status to say that if I did play for the other team? I wouldn’t just fuck Garrett Graham, I’d marry him.”
― Elle Kennedy, The Mistake

“Jesus Christ, will you quit dictating this conversation to Hannah?' I grumble. 'Bros before hos, dude.'
'Call my girlfriend a ho one more time and you won't have a bro.”
― Elle Kennedy, The Mistake

“I love you, you stupid jackass.”
― Elle Kennedy, The Mistake

“I need you. I can’t stand the thought of being without you.” He releases a shaky breath. “You’re the last person I think about before I go to sleep, and the first person I think about when I open my eyes in the morning. You’re it for me, baby.”
― Elle Kennedy, The Mistake

“Don't waste your time obsessing over stupid actions of stupid people”
― Elle Kennedy, The Mistake

“Lorris ? As in Logan and Morris ? They fucking Brangelina’d themselves?”
― Elle Kennedy, The Mistake

“Go away, G. I’m wooing.”
― Elle Kennedy, The Mistake

“First and foremost—be confident. Second—be spontaneous. Third—the only opinion that matters is your own.”
― Elle Kennedy, The Mistake

“I nod in approval. “Damn. I should go into modeling.” “You photograph really well,” Garrett agrees in a serious voice. “And dude, your package looks huge.” Fuck, it totally does.”
― Elle Kennedy, The Mistake

“What are you doing?” I whisper. “Well, you were looking at me like you wanted me to kiss you.” His blue eyes become heavy-lidded. “So I was thinking I might do that.”
― Elle Kennedy, The Mistake

“Look at these abs, Wellsy. Actually, touch them. Seriously. It will change your life.”
― Elle Kennedy, The Mistake

“And just in case my reaction to your idiocy didn’t make it clear where I stand with us, then let me spell it out for you.” I whirl around to scowl at him. “I love you, you stupid jackass.”
― Elle Kennedy, The Mistake

“Just as the door opens, I look intently at the screen and act like I'm still chatting with her mother. '--And she stuck her finger in my ass when she was blowing me, which was fucking incredible. I never thought I'd enjoy having anything up there, but--'
Grace screams in horror.”
― Elle Kennedy, The Mistake

“I’m writing a love poem,” I answer without thinking. Then I slam my lips together, realizing what I’ve done.

Dead silence crashes over the kitchen.”
― Elle Kennedy, The Mistake

“Babe, you’ve gotta stop revealing all your crazy up front. Seriously. Save all that stuff for later, when you’re in a relationship with the guy and it’s harder for him to run away.”
― Elle Kennedy, The Mistake

“Seriously, dude, put on a shirt.”

“Hey, you know what they say,” Dean drawls. “If you’ve got it, flaunt it.”

“No, I’m pretty sure they say put on a shirt when you go for a run, you cocky narcissist.”

His jaw drops. “Narcissist? More like realist. Look at these abs, Wellsy. Actually, touch them. Seriously. It will change your life.”
― Elle Kennedy, The Mistake

“Don’t tell anyone, but sometimes I’m not sure I understand how planes even stay in the air.”
― Elle Kennedy, The Mistake

“Why would I? Seriously, what guy turns down Die Hard? The only thing that could sweeten this deal is if you offered me some booze.”
“I don’t have any.” She stops to think. “But I’ve got a whole bag of gummy bears hidden in my desk drawer.”
“Marry me,” I say instantly.”
― Elle Kennedy, The Mistake

“And…well, you were going to, ah…give him your flower—” I do a literal spit take. Coffee drizzles down my chin and neck, and I quickly grab a napkin to wipe it away before it stains my pajama top. “Oh my God. Mom. Don’t ever say that again. I beg of you.” “I was trying to be parental,” she says primly. “There’s parental, and then there’s Victorian England.” “All right. You were going to fuck him—” “That’s not parental either!”
― Elle Kennedy, The Mistake

“What rhymes with insensitive?” I tap my pen on the kitchen table, beyond frustrated with my current task. Who knew rhyming was so fucking difficult?

Garrett, who’s dicing onions at the counter, glances over. “Sensitive,” he says helpfully.

“Yes, G, I’ll be sure to rhyme insensitive with sensitive. Gold star for you.”
― Elle Kennedy, The Mistake

“To be honest, it’s probably better if I don’t talk. Cute guys make me nervous. Like tongued-tied total-brain-malfunction nervous. All my filters shut off and suddenly I’m telling them about the time I peed my pants in the third grade during a field trip to the maple syrup factory, or how I’m scared of puppets and have mild OCD that could possibly drive me to tidy up your room the moment you turn your head.”
― Elle Kennedy, The Mistake

“It's a damn shame that duels don't play a role in the modern world anymore.”
― Elle Kennedy, The Mistake

“Holy shit,” I blurt out. “You shaved the beard.” I glare at Garrett. “Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve thrown us a party.”

Dean snickers. “You mean thrown him a party.”

“No, he means us,” Garrett replies for me. “We’re the ones who had to stare at that ghastly thing for half a year.”

I smack Tuck’s ass as he breezes past my stool. “Welcome back, Babyface.”

“Fuck off,” he grumbles.”
― Elle Kennedy, The Mistake

“I swear on all that is holy—if one of you doesn’t tell me what the hell just went down here, I’m going to lose my shit.”

I chuckle. “My girl wanted me to send her a boudoir shot of me on a red velvet chaise lounge, but you have no idea how hard it is to find a goddamn red velvet chaise lounge.”

“You say this as if it’s an explanation. It is not.” Justin sighs like the weight of the world rests on his shoulders. “You hockey players are fucked up.”
― Elle Kennedy, The Mistake

“I’ve given handjobs before, plus a few blowjobs that I know were a huge success because…well, semen and all that. But I don’t have enough experience to consider myself an expert penis-wrangler or anything.”
― Elle Kennedy, The Mistake

“I wish I was gay,” he says ruefully.
A snicker pops out. “Uh-huh. Go on. I’m willing to follow you down this rabbit hole and see where it leads.”
“Seriously, Gretch, I love him. I have a boner for him.” Morris sighs. “If I’d known he existed, I wouldn’t have asked you out in the first place.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“Oh, shut up. You’re awesome, and I’d tap that in a second. But I can’t compete with this guy. He’s operating on a whole other level when it comes to you.”
― Elle Kennedy, The Mistake

“Holy Moses, if it’s his natural scent, then he needs to bottle that spicy fragrance up, call it Orgasm, and sell it to the masses.”
― Elle Kennedy, The Mistake

“I’m not even pissed at the rumormongers. I’m pissed at whoever invented the Internet and handed the assholes in the world a platform on which to spew their venom.”
― Elle Kennedy, The Mistake

“Oh, I know that. Or at least I think I know that,” she stammers. “I mean, you seem like a decent guy, but then again, lots of serial killers probably seem decent too when you first meet them. Did you know that Ted Bundy was actually really charming?” Her eyes widen. “How messed up is that? Imagine you’re walking along one day and you meet this really cute, charming guy, and you’re like, oh my God, he’s perfect, and then you’re over at his place and you find a trophy dungeon in the basement with skin suits and Barbie dolls with the eyes ripped out and—”
“Jesus,” I cut in. “Did anyone ever tell you that you talk a lot?”
― Elle Kennedy, The Mistake

“No way, dude. Chicks appreciate a nice cock shot. Trust me.”
― Elle Kennedy, The Mistake