The Art of Crash Landing Quotes

“There is no such thing as magic," she told me. "You can b e l i e v e all you want, but it's never going to do you any good. Nobody flies. We only fall”
― Melissa DeCarlo, The Art of Crash Landing

“As far as I'm concerned, there are two types of people in this world: people like Queeg who, when life gives them lemons make lemonade, and everyone else. And although those smug lemonade-makers think the rest of us just sit around all day day bitching about not getting oranges, they're wrong. It's all about volume. When you're ass-deep in lemons, you start looking for a shovel, not a pitcher and a cup of sugar”
― Melissa DeCarlo, The Art of Crash Landing

“I don’t know what she thinks a Matilda looks like, but I’ve always thought that I look a little like Gene Wilder, except with longer hair and a vagina.”
― Melissa DeCarlo, The Art of Crash Landing

“I used to have my own friends, of course I did, but it’s like the dentist told me when I was a kid—ignore them and they’ll go away. He was talking about teeth, not friends, but it’s the same theory, and I can tell you it works. The friends part, anyway; I still have my teeth.”
― Melissa DeCarlo, The Art of Crash Landing

“In my experience, the past is rarely as harmless, or as far away, as we’d like it to be.”
― Melissa DeCarlo, The Art of Crash Landing

“JJ informed me, when he dropped them off, that they are French bulldogs, which has led med to reassess my opinion of the French. They may know a lot about making wine and fries, but they don't know jacques-merde about making dogs.”
― Melissa DeCarlo, The Art of Crash Landing

“I’m thinking about how fluid the border is between crazy and interesting, and how hard it is to decide who belongs where. Hell, most of the time I can’t answer that question about myself.”
― Melissa DeCarlo, The Art of Crash Landing

“Nick can do a pretty good nice, but it's not the real deal. His is a thin, watery nice, a niceness-au-jus drizzled over a great big asshole sandwich.”
― Melissa DeCarlo, The Art of Crash Landing

“Sometimes my entire life has felt like one long exercise in lowering my expectations.”
― Melissa DeCarlo, The Art of Crash Landing

“I don't know what she's thinking, but I'm thinking how fluid the border is between crazy and interesting, and how hard it is to decide who belongs where.”
― Melissa DeCarlo, The Art of Crash Landing

“God, there's nothing like embarrassing a ginger to improve my mood”
― Melissa DeCarlo, The Art of Crash Landing

“I thought coming here would change things for me, but I’m starting to worry that I’ve done what I always do: mistake a distraction for a chance at redemption.”
― Melissa DeCarlo, The Art of Crash Landing

“You're a fun-sucker. You go through life just sucking all the fun out of everything.”
― Melissa DeCarlo, The Art of Crash Landing

“It’s funny how when it’s somebody else telling the story it’s easy to see that He can’t take a joke is just another way of saying I’m a jackass.”
― Melissa DeCarlo, The Art of Crash Landing

“The fluorescent light overhead hums and has a flicker that I sense more than see. There’s a constellation of dead bugs in the fixture’s plastic covering. The Bug Dipper. I squint my eyes and try to decide which one is the North Moth, the moth by which I could find my way home.”
― Melissa DeCarlo, The Art of Crash Landing

“What wrong?” he asks.”
― Melissa DeCarlo, The Art of Crash Landing

“One is a little larger than the other, but overall the Winstons look alike—tan fur, short legs, stubby bodies, batlike ears. They snort and trot around like little pigs, and already there has been significant fartage. I’m hoping it’s the sandwich and not the natural state of affairs, although it would explain the bowls of potpourri everywhere. JJ informed me, when he dropped them off, that they are French bulldogs, which has led me to reassess my opinion of the French.”
― Melissa DeCarlo, The Art of Crash Landing

“A human wife or girlfriend isn’t nearly as interesting an adversary as Jesus.”
― Melissa DeCarlo, The Art of Crash Landing

“It is a beautiful day here in the armpit of America.”
― Melissa DeCarlo, The Art of Crash Landing

“I pull out a zippered CD case, but unfortunately, it's slim pickens inside, and I say this not only because the choices are bad, which they are, but because there actually is a Slim Pickens CD inside.”
― Melissa DeCarlo, The Art of Crash Landing

“and”
― Melissa DeCarlo, The Art of Crash Landing

“Sometimes it’s not possible to tease out the beginning of the end, to find the origin of a break, to know whose finger knocked over the very first domino.”
― Melissa DeCarlo, The Art of Crash Landing