No Bad Kids Quotes

“It’s always hardest to remember to acknowledge a child in the heat of a difficult moment, but if a child can hear anything during a temper tantrum, it reassures him to hear our recognition of his point-of-view. “You wanted an ice cream cone and I said ‘no’. It’s upsetting not to get what you want.” When a toddler feels understood, he senses the empathy behind our limits and corrections. He still resists, cries, and complains, but at the end of the day, he knows we are with him, always in his corner. These first years will define our relationship for many years to come.”
― Janet Lansbury, No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame

“remember how hard it was to love my child when she was at her very worst and feel super proud that I did it anyway.”
― Janet Lansbury, No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame

“The most effective leaders lead with confidence, keep their sense of humor, and make it look easy. This”
― Janet Lansbury, No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame

“Imagine driving over a bridge in the dark. If the bridge has no railings, we will drive across it slowly and tentatively. But if we see railings on either side of us, we can drive over the bridge with ease and confidence. This is how a young child feels in regard to limits in his environment. Seeking”
― Janet Lansbury, No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame

“Eventually, when she knows you mean what you say and she’s unable to rattle you, she’ll settle into a routine of occupying herself when you are busy with the baby.”
― Janet Lansbury, No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame

“A positive goal to strive for when disciplining would be to raise children we not only love, but in whose company we love being.”  – Magda Gerber”
― Janet Lansbury, No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame

“Gain perspective. Our attitude toward limit-pushing behavior is everything, and our perspective is what defines our attitude. Testing, limit-pushing, defiance and resistance are healthy signs that our toddlers are developing independence and autonomy. If we say “green,” toddlers are almost required to say “blue,” even if green is their favorite color, because if toddlers want what we want, they can’t assert themselves as individuals.”
― Janet Lansbury, No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame

“When setting limits, the emotional state of the parent almost always dictates the child’s reaction. If we lack clarity and confidence, lose our temper or are unsure, tense, frazzled, or frustrated — this will unsettle our kids and very likely lead to more undesirable behavior.  We are gods in our children’s eyes, and our feelings always set the tone. With this understanding, it’s easy to see why struggles with discipline can become a discouragingly vicious cycle.”
― Janet Lansbury, No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame

“while blocking the behavior with our hands, is the best response. But react immediately. Once the moment has passed, it is too late. Wait for the next one!”
― Janet Lansbury, No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame

“Toddlers are definitely capable of cooperating, but they need to be taught through respectful feedback, corrections, and modeling rather than being tricked, manipulated, or coerced.”
― Janet Lansbury, No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame

“When a toddler feels understood, he senses the empathy behind our limits and corrections. He still resists, cries, and complains, but at the end of the day, he knows we are with him, always in his corner. These first years will define our relationship for many years to come.”
― Janet Lansbury, No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame

“Be careful not to assume a child’s feelings: “You’re afraid of the dog”; or to invalidate the child’s response because we view it as overreaction: “It’s just a doggy. He won’t hurt you.”  It is safest to state only what we know for certain. “You seem upset by the dog. Do you want me to pick you up?”
― Janet Lansbury, No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame

“Deciding between two options is usually all a toddler needs, as long as the question is an easy one.”
― Janet Lansbury, No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame

“Children appreciate positive instruction and tend to tune out or resist the words “no” and “don’t”.  Better to save those words for emergencies.”
― Janet Lansbury, No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame

“The most effective leaders lead with confidence, keep their sense of humor, and make it look easy.”
― Janet Lansbury, No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame

“Clarity, please. Children will often push our limits simply because they haven’t received a straight answer to the question, “What will you do if I do such-and-such?”
― Janet Lansbury, No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame

“SOS! I can’t function. Young children seem to be the last people on earth to register their own fatigue or hunger. They seem programmed to push on, and sometimes their bodies will take possession of their minds and transmit SOS messages to us through attention-getting behavior.”
― Janet Lansbury, No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame

“Rule #1: Never, ever take a child’s limit-pushing behavior personally.”
― Janet Lansbury, No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame

“A toddler learns discipline best when he experiences natural consequences for his behavior, rather than a disconnected punishment like time-out. If a child throws food, his mealtime is over. If a child refuses to get dressed, we won’t be able to go to the park today. These parental responses appeal to a child’s sense of fairness.”
― Janet Lansbury, No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame

“A toddler acting out is not shameful, nor is it behavior that needs punishing. It’s a cry for attention, a shout-out for sleep, or a call to action for firmer, more consistent limits.”
― Janet Lansbury, No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame

“When setting limits, the emotional state of the parent almost always dictates the child’s reaction. If we lack clarity and confidence, lose our temper or are unsure, tense, frazzled, or frustrated — this will unsettle our kids and very likely lead to more undesirable behavior.  We are gods in our children’s eyes, and our feelings always set the tone.”
― Janet Lansbury, No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame

“We register our annoyance before it turns to frustration or anger, and we realize this is a sign that we need to set a limit.”
― Janet Lansbury, No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame

“When this problem arises, I encourage the parent, if he or she is able to anticipate the hit, to raise a hand to block the child’s aggression and say firmly but matter-of-factly, “I won’t let you hit.” Or, right after the strike, a parent might simply say, “I don’t want you to hit.” If parents show anger, become agitated, or say too much, they risk turning the child’s undesirable behavior into an event. For instance, if a parent begins to lecture, “It’s not nice to hit! Hitting hurts people! We don’t hit in our family,” the parent may fuel the fire by giving too much attention to the child’s action and unwittingly cause the child to want to repeat it.”
― Janet Lansbury, No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame

“Our children love, appreciate, and need us more than they can ever say.”
― Janet Lansbury, No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame

“insistently placed Eliza in the car seat, Eliza kicked and screamed. Then, as Holly started the car in complete”
― Janet Lansbury, No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame

“Our child has better things to do. Sometimes not following directions is a good thing, because it reflects our child’s healthy, delightful instinct to learn the way young children learn best — through play, exploration, and following inner-direction: My daughter is 2.5 years old and when we go to activities (structured playgroups, mom/toddler stuff), she does not follow direction (or very rarely will follow direction). Maybe she will to a degree, but generally speaking, she is the wild flower that is rolling around, running, and dancing circles in the big open room while all the other kids are sitting quietly by their moms’ side…. should I be concerned about this, or leave her to her own exploration (it’s winter here so the big open space to run is a real treat!), or keep on trying to get her to listen to the ‘animator’ who is trying to run a session? – Lenore Hmm… Listen to an “animator” or roll, run, and dance? That’s a tough one.”
― Janet Lansbury, No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame

“Curiosity rocks. Don’t discourage it. Our instinct as parents is to say, “Oh no, don’t do that” when our toddler surprises us by suddenly being able to reach or climb onto something ‘out of bounds’. But our children’s abilities are developing daily, and we don’t want to discourage them.  Remembering to say, “Wow, you can reach that now!” or “Look at the leaf you found,” before adding “but this isn’t safe for you to touch (or put in your mouth). I’m going to move it,” encourages our baby to continue following his healthy instinct to explore.”
― Janet Lansbury, No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame

“A los pequeños les encanta ser comprendidos. Además, necesitan saber que sus maestros de disciplina son tranquilos, serenos y comprensivos; que su comportamiento no los desconcierta ni los molesta.”
― Alejandra Hayes, Los niños malos no existen: Disciplina sin vergüenza para los más pequeños

“deleite”
― Alejandra Hayes, Los niños malos no existen: Disciplina sin vergüenza para los más pequeños

“sentar los límites, el estado emocional del padre a cargo casi siempre decide la reacción del niño. Si no lo hacemos con suficiente claridad y confianza, si perdemos la paciencia o nos sentimos inseguros, tensos, exhaustos o frustrados, eso inquietará a nuestro hijo y muy probablemente conducirá a más comportamiento indeseable. Para los ojos de nuestro pequeño, somos dioses, y”
― Alejandra Hayes, Los niños malos no existen: Disciplina sin vergüenza para los más pequeños