Return of the Jedi - Beware the Power of the Dark Side! Quotes

“the greenish-brownish-yellowish blob of bloated fat that is his master:”
― Tom Angleberger, Return of the Jedi: Beware the Power of the Dark Side!

“You have hibernation sickness.”1”
― Tom Angleberger, Return of the Jedi: Beware the Power of the Dark Side!

“Tatooine.”
― Tom Angleberger, Return of the Jedi: Beware the Power of the Dark Side!

“It is hard to be weak when you were once strong. Hard to move slowly when all around you is moving too fast.”
― Tom Angleberger, Return of the Jedi - Beware the Power of the Dark Side!

“I love you,” says Han. “I know,” says Leia.”
― Tom Angleberger, Return of the Jedi: Beware the Power of the Dark Side!

“Mircheeewawaaaaaaa!” she screams as she lands on the back of an Imperial officer, reaching her wicked hunting knife over his shoulder and—well, never mind what she did next.”
― Tom Angleberger, Return of the Jedi: Beware the Power of the Dark Side!

“AN ENDLESS DESERT. Two robots. Two robots plodding through an endless desert. Fear not, reader! It will get better! But not every story can start with a bang. Or a wampa attack, for that matter.”
― Tom Angleberger, Return of the Jedi: Beware the Power of the Dark Side!

“AH, THE FOREST MOON OF ENDOR! At last! Think what it’s been like for our heroes…. That endless desert on Tatooine, then the stinking lair of Jabba. For Luke there was a brief visit to a swamp: all mud and muck, no sunlight. And the rest of the time has been spent on various rebel spaceships, and let’s face it, the rebels can barely keep those things flying. There is no time or money to spend on interior decorating. And that Imperial shuttle may look nice from the outside, but inside it has been trashed by the countless sweaty stormtroopers it has hauled around. It reeks of stale sweat and every surface is covered in TK numbers1 scratched by bored troopers. So think how wonderful it is for our heroes to tumble out of that junker and breathe in the air of Endor’s moon, air purified by a hundred billion trees. It’s hard for residents of developed worlds to wrap their heads around a planet covered in trees.”
― Tom Angleberger, Return of the Jedi: Beware the Power of the Dark Side!

“They salute each other, as generals should. But they both recall times when their adventures weren’t nearly so noble.”
― Tom Angleberger, Return of the Jedi: Beware the Power of the Dark Side!

“ON THE SAIL BARGE, Fett’s fate goes unnoticed by Jabba, who is busy being strangled to death by Leia.”
― Tom Angleberger, Return of the Jedi: Beware the Power of the Dark Side!

“But dumb luck? That’s where Solo has always excelled.”
― Tom Angleberger, Return of the Jedi: Beware the Power of the Dark Side!

“Ewoks. It”
― Tom Angleberger, Return of the Jedi: Beware the Power of the Dark Side!