Get Out of Your Own Way Quotes

“Emotions are built on layers. Beneath hatred is usually anger; beneath anger is frustration; beneath frustration is hurt; beneath hurt is fear. If you keep expressing your feelings, you will generally move through them in that order. What begins with “I hate you” culminates in “I’m scared. I don’t want to lose you, and I don’t know what to do about it.”
― Mark Goulston, Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior

“People who were abused as children tend to get angry and strike out at the world. People who were neglected tend to feel defeated and withdraw from the world. People who were not given guidance tend to lack confidence and self-reliance. Each pathway leads to different forms of self-defeat.”
― Mark Goulston, Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior

“Those who are comfortable taking chances know that the best way to grow is to reach beyond their grasp. Their sense of direction comes from the heart. They don’t shy away from surprise; they might even seek it out. And they seldom die with regrets. In the end we regret not what we have done but what we have not done.”
― Mark Goulston, Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior

“A communications expert once made this distinction: “A know-it-all who doesn’t know what he is talking about is a jerk. A know-it-all who does know what he is talking about is just an ass.”
― Mark Goulston, Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior

“That is what learning is. You suddenly understand something you’ve understood all your life, but in a new way.” —DORIS LESSING Ordinary”
― Mark Goulston, Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior

“Avoidance is no solution. In an attempt to change a self-defeating pattern within a relationship, some people decide to avoid trouble by keeping their feelings to them selves. Staying angry and living with the pain seems to be a better choice than having another argument. The problem is, if you do not deal with hurt and disappointment quickly enough, those feelings harden into resentment, anger and hate. They fester inside and eventually turn into physical symptoms and/or emotional powder kegs. In the long run, it’s much less self-defeating to acknowledge the problem early on and deal with it effectively with compassion, respect, and empathy.”
― Mark Goulston, Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior:

“Move on in your life. If you create a more fulfilling future, you will find it easier to forget the past.”
― Mark Goulston, Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior

“That is what learning is. You suddenly understand something you’ve understood all your life, but in a new way.” —DORIS LESSING”
― Mark Goulston, Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior

“You can’t fix something until you admit it’s broken.”
― Mark Goulston, Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior

“You know the old saying, “If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.” Well, if you always get out as soon as the kitchen gets hot, your life will end up half-baked.”
― Mark Goulston, Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior

“Because of your parents’ own upbringing, they are often incapable of giving you what you need emotionally. If you keep chasing after what they can’t give, and if you make your sense of worth dependent on getting it, you will never feel worthwhile. Instead, your futile efforts will create animosity and resentment in you and frustration in your parents. Actually, unless you are the rare son or daughter who articulates your needs clearly, your parents probably don’t even have a clue as to what you want from them. All they know is that you’re displeased—and that bewilders and saddens them.”
― Mark Goulston, Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior

“You understand that you alone have the power to change your life. That sense of responsibility is crucial if you’re going to beat self-defeat.”
― Mark Goulston, Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior

“Increase consequence awareness. Ask yourself what the outcomes are likely to be, in the short run and the long run, if you take that action. Becoming conscious of the undesirable consequences of that action serves as a deterrent.”
― Mark Goulston, Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior

“Positive changes in behavior have to be practiced repeatedly before they become second nature.”
― Mark Goulston, Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior

“People who were not given guidance tend to lack confidence and self-reliance. Each pathway leads to different forms of self-defeat.”
― Mark Goulston, Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior

“Sometimes the easy way out is the right way in”
― Mark Goulston, Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior

“The more anxious and alone or inadequate and incompetent they feel, the more tenaciously they hold to whatever thoughts, attitudes and behaviors bring relief”
― Mark Goulston, Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior

“The end of understanding is not to prove and find reasons but to know and believe. —THOMAS CARLYLE”
― Mark Goulston, Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior:

“work was not supposed to be something you enjoyed but something you endured. If it wasn’t hard, it wasn’t legitimate. I”
― Mark Goulston, Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior

“Some are angry because they feel deprived of parental approval or love. Some are frustrated because their parents don’t understand them and won’t even try. Some resent their parents' attempts to control them, while others resent their indifference. And almost all of them feel guilty for not appreciating those who sacrificed so much to raise them.”
― Mark Goulston, Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior:

“Then, when you find yourself starting down the rocky road to self-defeat, pause, reflect, and”
― Mark Goulston, Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior:

“First we are children to our parents, then parents to our children, then parents to our parents, then children to our children.” —MILTON GREENBLATT, M.D.”
― Mark Goulston, Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior:

“Step 1: Increase physical awareness. Impulses begin as physical sensations. Stop and notice what you feel and where you feel it. In your stomach? Head? Neck? Chest? Step 2: Increase emotional awareness. Try to connect the physical sensation to an emotion. Why do you feel tense? What do you feel angry about? What are you afraid of? Step 3: Increase impulse awareness. Do the feelings you just noticed make you want to take action? What do they make you want to do? Step 4: Increase consequence awareness. Ask yourself what the outcomes are likely to be, in the short run and the long run, if you take that action. Becoming conscious of the undesirable consequences of that action serves as a deterrent. Step 5: Increase solution awareness. Ask yourself what alternatives you have. Which of those is likely to produce the best outcome? Picturing the good things that will happen if you act more constructively can serve as an incentive to change.”
― Mark Goulston, Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior:

“When you think your partner is not doing his or her share, ask yourself whether being resentful and faultfinding will help you or your relationship. •​Practice the Three A's: awareness, appreciation, acknowledgment: 1.​Become aware of your partner's efforts. Try to notice the little things he or she does for the good of the relationship. 2.​Appreciate that those efforts demand compromise and sacrifice and that your partner loves you enough to try. 3.​Acknowledge your partner's contributions. Don’t keep your appreciation to yourself. •​After you establish a track record using the three A's, you might find that your partner's behaviour spontaneously changes. Sometimes people do things you don’t like because they don’t feel appreciated. •​If you still feel short-changed by your partner's lack of effort, ask yourself if your objections are fair and reasonable. •​If they are, try to express any hurt and frustration you might feel without sounding critical. •​Tell your partner what changes you would like him to make. Ask if he thinks these changes are fair and reasonable, and if he is willing to make the effort. •​Ask him if there are any changes he would like to see you make.”
― Mark Goulston, Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior:

“This proves I'm totally worthless" leads to despair and loss of confidence, while “I can’t stand when I act that way" can lead to wisdom and determination.”
― Mark Goulston, Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior:

“Picturing the good things that will happen if you act more constructively can serve as an incentive to change.”
― Mark Goulston, Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior:

“Truth is such a rare thing, it is delightful to tell it.” —EMILY DICKINSON”
― Mark Goulston, Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior

“Making excuses for chronic promise-breakers is invariably self-defeating.”
― Mark Goulston, Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior

“A know-it-all who doesn’t know what he is talking about is a jerk. A know-it-all who does know what he is talking about is just an ass.”
― Mark Goulston, Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior

“In the end we regret not what we have done but what we have not done.”
― Mark Goulston, Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior