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Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior
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Practical, proven self help steps show how to transform 40 common self-defeating behaviors, including procrastination, envy, obsession, anger, self-pity, compulsion, neediness, guilt, rebellion, inaction, and more.
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Let me start my review by stating that, people are blessed in many ways. Some are intellectuals and some are emotionally intelligent. You can’t have everything or be everything at the same time, but the cool thing is: you can build, you can evolve and change.
I loved this book, for what it is. A guide to those who are emotionally troubled, or have no previous training or knowledge when it comes to handling their emotions.
I’m not saying that this book is going to radically change your life, and ...more
I loved this book, for what it is. A guide to those who are emotionally troubled, or have no previous training or knowledge when it comes to handling their emotions.
I’m not saying that this book is going to radically change your life, and ...more
As I began to read this book, I recalled the core concepts in The Knowing-Doing Gap co-authored by Jeffrey Pfeffer and Robert Sutton. Briefly, they assert that “so many managers know so much about organizational performance, say so many smart things about how to achieve performance, and work so hard, yet are trapped in firms that do so many things they know will undermine performance." Many (most?) people have a “gap” between knowing what to do and doing it, not only at work but in all other are ...more
I was not impressed with this one. I think what he was going for was practical application to every day life, but the stand alone lessons seem nothing to do with one another and are too simplistic to address the deep roots from which self defeating behaviors stem.
The book has demonstrated very beneficial advices on how to conquer very commons obstacles that we face. Obstacles that exist within our mentality and feelings when we handle various aspects of life. 40 common questions that we have that we urge an answer of it is available in this book. Some are obvious but there is no harm to be reminded on how to solve it accurately.
My teaching partner and I are previewing self-help books for a unit we are going to do with our seniors next year and I think this book will be perfect for them.
At first I wanted more out of this book, and found the 3 to 4 page chapters to be too brief to actually discuss any of these issues sufficiently. The more I continued to read, the more I enjoyed the fact that these chapter were not trying to go into great depth on any one topic, yet were simply trying to get the reader to acknowledge s ...more
At first I wanted more out of this book, and found the 3 to 4 page chapters to be too brief to actually discuss any of these issues sufficiently. The more I continued to read, the more I enjoyed the fact that these chapter were not trying to go into great depth on any one topic, yet were simply trying to get the reader to acknowledge s ...more
Probably 3.5 stars but I rounded up. I enjoyed reading it and would recommend to anyone looking for accessible advice. The chapters are short, 2-4 pages each. I found it difficult to sit down and read for extended period due to the fragmentation. It wasn’t written to have a single narrative throughout, but that is what I personally find most enjoyable. It would be an excellent book to keep by the toilet and read in short dumps. :)
Very practical way to learn about our own behaviors and to deal with other people’s behaviors too. Really recommend. Easy to listen and short book.
Full list of ways how you can ruin your life but no plan and almost no advice how to fix yourself.
2018 has been a year full of ups and downs, safe to say one of the toughest years ever. But I’m proud of myself that I could pull thought it well. The best highlight how I learned to uphold my self confidence. I personal and workplace issue, which’s consequences were pretty bad and challenging. This book discusses on self, relationship, work, life and general psychological issues. If you’re into self-help books then you could give this book ago too. It’s direct and easy read.
The authors break down 40 different self-defeating behaviors in 180 pages. Some of these behaviors can take years to establish in a person’s life. A measly 2-3 pages with bullet points at the end of each section is hardly enough to scratch the surface of each behavior. It’s also sprinkled with several famous and not so famous quotes which don’t really do much to add to the material. They end up looking more like space filler than anything. I pushed through to the end hoping for something helpful
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Jan 30, 2008
Amy Sanchez
rated it
really liked it
Recommends it for:
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Recommended to Amy by:
My friends at Borders recommended this to me... thanks
Cant get enough of these kinds of books. Just another book that screams "Stop Whining and Do something about it" ... (sometimes we need to hear the truth about ourselves)
There is absolutely zero depth in this book.
"Procrastinate? Well, don't."
"Hold grudges? Well, stop"
"Unable to say no? Then say no"
"Procrastinate? Well, don't."
"Hold grudges? Well, stop"
"Unable to say no? Then say no"
Can't remember anything memorable from this book 2 months later. Maybe I need to get out of my own way and overcome self defeating behavior.
Excerpts my 👂 picked up on....👇
Sometimes the easy way out is the right way in
Turn your self contempt into self determination
Like vampires these people maintain power by sucking it from others
I'm not threatened by anyone else's success
Just because you act hurt doesn't mean I'm hurting you
Feeling is more powerful then meaning
Anger is a short madness
Close yo ...more
Excerpts my 👂 picked up on....👇
Sometimes the easy way out is the right way in
Turn your self contempt into self determination
Like vampires these people maintain power by sucking it from others
I'm not threatened by anyone else's success
Just because you act hurt doesn't mean I'm hurting you
Feeling is more powerful then meaning
Anger is a short madness
Close yo ...more
I felt and knew in my heart that I needed to make changes in my life. I wasn't fulfilled, I was bored and dissatisfied with my career , friends, life. When I finally came to terms with the fact that I had to do something to improve my outlook on life,Dr. Goulston's book is an insightful work and offers many practical ways to overcoming self-defeating behaviors. Each chapter describes a behavior and gives examples, with references to various patients he's couseled over the years. I took Dr. Goul
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The title of this book really grabbed me. I just love that phrase. “Get out of your own way.” For me, it means turning off my mind or emotions and just “doing it” when anxiety and fear hold me back. I mutter it to myself in stressful situations sometimes and find it to be pretty helpful.
In terms of said helpfulness, however, I think that last sentence is about as far as this book got me. Don’t get me wrong, there are some good, surface-level ideas here, but they’re just that — quick lessons. I t ...more
In terms of said helpfulness, however, I think that last sentence is about as far as this book got me. Don’t get me wrong, there are some good, surface-level ideas here, but they’re just that — quick lessons. I t ...more
This book is the perfect go-to book whenever you feel anxious, uncomfortable, angry, or overly emotional. Chances are, the problem you have is mentioned in the book and you can find practical action points to take to solve the problem. I found the book to be immensely useful and it helps me see a different perspective of what I might be feeling in the tense moment of a problem, whatever that might be.
It also gives you a rational view of human interactions and what you can do to improve them on ...more
It also gives you a rational view of human interactions and what you can do to improve them on ...more
I didn’t adore this book but I did find it useful. My rating soared with the chapter Thinking “I’m sorry” is Enough. I knew that making amends was an important aspect of repairing a relationship but I honestly was stumped about how to go about it. Considering remorse, restitution and rehabilitation was precisely the tool I needed for clarity and perspective. I am going to implement this device and attempt to heal a terrible rift with my siblings.
It may not work but if I try then I know I have at ...more
It may not work but if I try then I know I have at ...more
Short and to the point chapters, which is great! Not a ton of fluff as other self-help books have. This book has tips for everyone. Some of the tips may not be relevant to you, but others are. Gets you thinking about your actions and how they can affect other people. Actions you may not even know you are doing that can have a negative impact on yourself and others. Actions and thought processes that can keep you stagnant and unable to move forward - unable to get out of your own way!
Will recomme ...more
Will recomme ...more
The book shows different types of destructive behavior and author describes on examples of his patients how to stop this behavior patterns. Some chapters seemed for me (maybe for you too) obvious and quite simple. But I think this is very good, because fortunately we are don’t characterized by all types of destructive behavior. Something really catches on, makes you think. I find this book very useful. If you don’t want to read the whole book, look throw the content and choose the most interesti
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Good, useful information on how to overcome self-defeating behaviors, but most of the book wasn't relevant to me. My main takeaways involved learning how to curb my habit of talking too much and being more genuine in my interactions. I wish the chapters were longer and more detailed, though. Reminds me of Don't Sweat the Small Stuff.
Read it because a friend recommended it. in can't relate news, the Holding a Grudge example made me hold a grudge on the wife's behalf. That Albert...
The Judith chapter, I think that's her name, had me ticked off on her husband's behalf.
I don't think my mind was ready to soak in any of these lessons. Maybe if I read it at a later time I'll be better able to absorb the information.
The Judith chapter, I think that's her name, had me ticked off on her husband's behalf.
I don't think my mind was ready to soak in any of these lessons. Maybe if I read it at a later time I'll be better able to absorb the information.
A Useful Book to Keep you Thinking Clearly
I have displayed a lot of these behaviors and really wanted to find ways to start implementing change. This book really works at providing actionable advice that can work from day one. I plan to reread this book as many times as needed to internalize the message.
I have displayed a lot of these behaviors and really wanted to find ways to start implementing change. This book really works at providing actionable advice that can work from day one. I plan to reread this book as many times as needed to internalize the message.
I really liked how this book was set up. Each "problem" has a real world example and the advice he gave to solve it. They are about 3-4 pages each with a helpful short tips on questions to ask yourself to help solve where you are stuck in. It is a short read but something I will probably continue to reread as time goes on.
Solid book. Especially liked the short chapters, making everything digestible. I would have like for more detailed explanation / examples on how to solve specific problems. Feels like plenty of self defeating behaviors were identified, but the solutions felt extreme highly level. I would have preferred longer chapters with more granular / actionable next steps.
There were 3 excellent pages (xi-xiv) and the rest was awful (cheesy, cliche, mansplainy...). This book maintains the trend I see with my research on the writing out there about self sabotage in high performers: no bueno.
A quick read which provides helpful tip the reader can apply immediately after reading. Although the author advises the reader to read the book all the way through, or pick and choose to focus on topics that are specific to you.
Very insightful book! I've learned about self-defeating behavior only recently and this book helped a great deal in understanding some of my reaction. There just could be more comprehensive advice than just a few tips.
A thorough and actionable account of self defeating behaviours and how to overcome them. I found I could easily relate to and make use of so many of the scenarios covered. Pretty timeless and worth revisiting.
A lot of times we don't realize that we are the problem in situations. Negativity comes our way but we blame the universe. Mark explains how and why certain situations are caused by us and he uses specific instances.
You’ll hear a lot of people complain that their therapist only asks questions and doesn’t tell them how to tackle their issues. get out of your own way is like the antidote;Straight forward advice you probably should have picked up on before but maybe haven’t yet processed. Actionable self-help.
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MARK GOULSTON, M.D., is a business psychiatrist and consultant, author of the bestselling Just Listen, and subject of the PBS special “Just Listen with Dr. Goulston.” He writes a Tribune syndicated career column; blogs for Fast Company, Business Insider, Huffington Post, and Psychology Today; and is featured frequently in major media including The Wall Street Journal, Harvard Business Review, Fort
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“Emotions are built on layers. Beneath hatred is usually anger; beneath anger is frustration; beneath frustration is hurt; beneath hurt is fear. If you keep expressing your feelings, you will generally move through them in that order. What begins with “I hate you” culminates in “I’m scared. I don’t want to lose you, and I don’t know what to do about it.”
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“You know the old saying, “If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.” Well, if you always get out as soon as the kitchen gets hot, your life will end up half-baked.”
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