The Tapper Twins Go to War (with Each Other) Quotes

“which is totally unrealistic.”
― Geoff Rodkey, The Tapper Twins Go to War (with Each Other)

“He has no goals in life. Unless you count being a professional soccer player,”
― Geoff Rodkey, The Tapper Twins Go to War (with Each Other)

“I mean, public humiliation was the worst possible punishment I could think of for ME. And also for anybody with a brain.”
― Geoff Rodkey, The Tapper Twins Go to War (with Each Other)

“if I wanted to make them feel pain, I had to hit them in a place where they actually felt it.”
― Geoff Rodkey, The Tapper Twins Go to War (with Each Other)

“Right when I was about to serve (which was traumatic enough, because I am even worse at volleyball than I am at Jenga),”
― Geoff Rodkey, The Tapper Twins Go to War (with Each Other)

“went to the kitchen to get a toaster pastry. Because when I am feeling down, a toaster pastry usually helps.”
― Geoff Rodkey, The Tapper Twins Go to War (with Each Other)

“Sophie and Carmen at Starbucks in ten minutes to strategize the best way to handle the Jens situation.”
― Geoff Rodkey, The Tapper Twins Go to War (with Each Other)

“I was sitting with Sophie Koh, who is awesome and has been my one and only best friend since my original best friend, Meredith Timms, turned into a total Fembot and I had to take a vacation from not only being her best friend, but from even being her friend at all. Which is very sad and tragic, but is a whole other story.”
― Geoff Rodkey, The Tapper Twins Go to War (with Each Other)

“To be totally specific, it started in the Culvert Prep cafeteria on Monday, September 8th, at approximately 8:27am.”
― Geoff Rodkey, The Tapper Twins Go to War (with Each Other)

“Ed. Note: not literally. Just on Planet Amigo.”
― Geoff Rodkey, The Tapper Twins Go to War (with Each Other)

“Once Akash set me up with invisibility and taught me some basic killing skills,”
― Geoff Rodkey, The Tapper Twins Go to War (with Each Other)

“We’re basically as close as a sixth and eighth grader of the opposite sex can be without dating each other.”
― Geoff Rodkey, The Tapper Twins Go to War (with Each Other)

“<>”
― Geoff Rodkey, The Tapper Twins Go to War (with Each Other)

“Ed. Note: also violent/antisocial”
― Geoff Rodkey, The Tapper Twins Go to War (with Each Other)

“He looks AWESOME!”
― Geoff Rodkey, The Tapper Twins Go to War (with Each Other)

“He also has awesome hair.”
― Geoff Rodkey, The Tapper Twins Go to War (with Each Other)

“CLICKCHAT POSTS ON “FANS OF CLAUDIA TAPPER” WALL ClaudiasBiggestFan This is a page dedicated to the greatest singer in the history of the universe. Post all your favorite videos of Claudia’s AMAZING singing here! ILoveClaudia She is the best EVAH! This is my favorite! ClaudiaSuperstar Whenever she sings I get tears in my eyes <3<3<3”
― Geoff Rodkey, The Tapper Twins Go to War (with Each Other)

“But people with good manners never, ever do it in public, or when company is over. Especially when that company is an evil little worm.”
― Geoff Rodkey, The Tapper Twins Go to War (with Each Other)

“everyone on earth picks their nose. That’s just a fact.”
― Geoff Rodkey, The Tapper Twins Go to War (with Each Other)

“never, ever compare anybody to that particular person, since he was so much more evil than anyone else in history”
― Geoff Rodkey, The Tapper Twins Go to War (with Each Other)

“end) CLAUDIA There are definitely a lot of very important lessons to be learned from The War. But I can’t think of what they are right now, and I have to go meet Sophie and Carmen at Starbucks in ten minutes to strategize the best way to handle the Jens situation.”
― Geoff Rodkey, The Tapper Twins Go to War (with Each Other)

“Note: WAAAAAAY”
― Geoff Rodkey, The Tapper Twins Go to War (with Each Other)

“So I went to the kitchen to get a toaster pastry. Because when I am feeling down, a toaster pastry usually helps. Reese and Mom were sitting at the kitchen table.”
― Geoff Rodkey, The Tapper Twins Go to War (with Each Other)

“Right when I was about to serve (which was traumatic enough, because I am even worse at volleyball than I am at Jenga), Xander started singing, “THAT CUTE LEATHER VEST…”
― Geoff Rodkey, The Tapper Twins Go to War (with Each Other)

“Once Akash set me up with invisibility and taught me some basic killing skills, I deleted StealthViper999—who, I had to admit, was neither stealthy nor viper-like—and created a new avatar, who I called InvisibleDeath. For obvious reasons. At this point, it was Friday afternoon, and most weekends, Reese spends every waking minute (when he’s not at a soccer game) on MetaWorld. So I was all amped up to get my revenge ASAP. But that particular Friday, Reese got a 57 on his math test. Even by my brother’s incredibly low standards, it was such a bad grade that Ms. Santiago made him take the test home to get it signed by a parent. REESE I don’t know what the big deal was. A 57’s still “Very Good.” CLAUDIA I should explain about the Culvert Prep grading system. A few years ago, a bunch of parents complained that letter grades were hurting their kids’ self-esteem. So now, instead of A, B, C, D, and F, our grading scale is “Amazing,” “Spectacular,” “Excellent,” “Very Good,” and “Okay.” Which is totally stupid. Because nothing changed except the names, so if you get a “Very Good” on your report card, your parents have to come in for a special conference with your teacher. And if you get more than one “Okay,” they basically tell you to start looking for another school. Also, I know which parents did the complaining—and I don’t want to be catty or name names, but I can tell you the one thing their kids ABSOLUTELY DO NOT NEED is more self-esteem. Anyway, when Reese brought home his 57 that Friday, Mom and Dad reacted in their usual way, which”
― Geoff Rodkey, The Tapper Twins Go to War (with Each Other)

“mean, public humiliation was the worst possible punishment I could think of for ME. And also for anybody with a brain. But Reese and Xander could care less about it, because they were too immature to feel shame. You know how little babies walk around naked, just letting their business hang out all over the place, because they don’t know any better? Mentally speaking, that’s pretty much where Reese and Xander were at. Which meant if I wanted to make them feel pain, I had to hit them in a place where they actually felt it. So I asked myself: what does Reese REALLY care about?”
― Geoff Rodkey, The Tapper Twins Go to War (with Each Other)

“decided I was going to be a Person Who Chooses To Be Kind To Others At All Times, No Matter What.”
― Geoff Rodkey, The Tapper Twins Go to War (with Each Other)

“was sitting with Sophie Koh, who is awesome and has been my one and only best friend since my original best friend, Meredith Timms, turned into a total Fembot and I had to take a vacation from not only being her best friend, but from even being her friend at all. Which is very sad and tragic, but is a whole”
― Geoff Rodkey, The Tapper Twins Go to War (with Each Other)

“be totally specific, it started in the Culvert Prep cafeteria on Monday, September 8th, at approximately 8:27am. That’s when Reese—in front of basically”
― Geoff Rodkey, The Tapper Twins Go to War (with Each Other)

“He has no goals in life. Unless you count being a professional soccer player, which is totally unrealistic.”
― Geoff Rodkey, The Tapper Twins Go to War (with Each Other)