Kiss My Asterisk Quotes

“when certain married words neglect to wear their apostrophes, they might be mistaken for their single friends: The identity of he’ll just went to hell. She’ll is like a shell of its former self. We’ll looks like it wishes it were a well.”
― Jenny Baranick, Kiss My Asterisk: A Feisty Guide to Punctuation and Grammar

“Use the semicolon like you would use any powerful weapon (your best pick-up line or your most effective push-up bra): carefully and sparingly.”
― Jenny Baranick, Kiss My Asterisk: A Feisty Guide to Punctuation and Grammar

“Oftentimes, people meet our writing before they meet us; our writing is our first impression.People read our résumés, cover letters, proposals, and emails, and that's the basis on which we are judged first. If our writing is full of grammar and punctuation errors, even though the content may be great, it’s like wearing a beautifully made Prada dress that has deodorant stains”
― Jenny Baranick, Kiss My Asterisk: A Feisty Guide to Punctuation and Grammar

“For example, in English we would write Dear Staff, I would like to recognize Sarah’s outstanding performance. In Slang we would write Hey Homies, Shout out to Sarah for doin’ her thing. In Cyber we would write dear staff
i wld like 2 ACK sarah 4 her per4manz”
― Jenny Baranick, Kiss My Asterisk: A Feisty Guide to Punctuation and Grammar

“Not only can rearranging our sentences to avoid ending them in prepositions sound pretentious, it’s also unnecessary. Grammar experts agree that it’s perfectly acceptable to end sentences in prepositions”
― Jenny Baranick, Kiss My Asterisk: A Feisty Guide to Punctuation and Grammar

“Rule #6 – Always tell everyone what they want to hear. That nondesigner dress is absolutely divine. World peace is very important to me. I had no idea that sex tape would be released.”
― Jenny Baranick, Kiss My Asterisk: A Feisty Guide to Punctuation and Grammar

“In high school, I was such a slut. And I was not alone; most girls in my high school were total sluts. We didn’t sleep around or have loose morals, but for some reason, in high school, slut was the insult of choice.”
― Jenny Baranick, Kiss My Asterisk: A Feisty Guide to Punctuation and Grammar

“The closest we can get to set hyphen rules are that the prefixes ex, self, and all always require hyphens while adverbs ending in ly never do: Goldilocks first told the jury that she had been walking through the dimly lit forest and mistook the three bears’ house for an all-inclusive resort. When the jury seemed skeptical, she changed her story and said she had been in a highly emotional state and was suffering from low self-esteem because her ex-boyfriend Jack left her to climb a beanstalk.”
― Jenny Baranick, Kiss My Asterisk: A Feisty Guide to Punctuation and Grammar

“Like an exclamation point, the em dash may be used to provide emphasis, but the exclamation point must go at the end of a sentence—the em dash can go anywhere: There’s a little blonde girl—in my bed. None of my porridge—not even one little drop—is left.”
― Jenny Baranick, Kiss My Asterisk: A Feisty Guide to Punctuation and Grammar

“We use the en dash when we want to express a range of values: Goldilocks will only sleep on Egyptian cotton sheets with a 300–400 thread count. She only eats porridge that is 98–100 degrees.”
― Jenny Baranick, Kiss My Asterisk: A Feisty Guide to Punctuation and Grammar

“When I think about Richard Gere, I can’t help but simultaneously think about the colon.”
― Jenny Baranick, Kiss My Asterisk: A Feisty Guide to Punctuation and Grammar

“Possession is tricky. It brings up issues of jealousy, codependence, self-esteem, and incorrect apostrophe placement.”
― Jenny Baranick, Kiss My Asterisk: A Feisty Guide to Punctuation and Grammar

“When it comes to matters of the comma, don’t follow your heart—follow the rules.”
― Jenny Baranick, Kiss My Asterisk: A Feisty Guide to Punctuation and Grammar

“Guys who kiss like they’re giving CPR should have to attend kissing classes. If I take out “who kiss like they’re giving CPR,” this is my sentence: Guys should have to attend kissing classes.”
― Jenny Baranick, Kiss My Asterisk: A Feisty Guide to Punctuation and Grammar

“First impressions stick. That’s why it’s so important that we do tedious things like remember to wear deodorant, brush our teeth, and insert commas in the correct places. I mean, imagine what you would think of me if these were the first sentences of mine that you met: When I eat my sister always picks off my plate. If you’re ever in the mood to give head over to the local charity.”
― Jenny Baranick, Kiss My Asterisk: A Feisty Guide to Punctuation and Grammar

“For And Nor But Or Yet So And you know what to do: when you see one of these little fellows in a sentence, stop, look both ways, see if there’s a complete sentence on each side. If there is, insert a comma; if there’s not, keep on walking.”
― Jenny Baranick, Kiss My Asterisk: A Feisty Guide to Punctuation and Grammar

“Forget about how you feel about the comma. I know it’s small and cute and curvy, but we’ve got to harden our hearts and use our heads.”
― Jenny Baranick, Kiss My Asterisk: A Feisty Guide to Punctuation and Grammar

“We might also want to use a semicolon to hold together two sentences to avoid giving the reader too much time to think about the first sentence before we hit them with the second one. For example, let’s say that I was writing an email to my husband explaining why the bank account might not be quite as full as it was earlier in the day. I might include this sentence: I just bought a plane ticket to Cabo; Sharon just went through a divorce and she needs me.”
― Jenny Baranick, Kiss My Asterisk: A Feisty Guide to Punctuation and Grammar

“The semicolon, my friends, is the punctuation mark we use to join two complete sentences. When we want to separate two complete sentences, we use the period. When we want to hold them together, we use the semicolon.”
― Jenny Baranick, Kiss My Asterisk: A Feisty Guide to Punctuation and Grammar

“So we’re seemingly in quite a pickle. Sometimes a period provides too much pause between these two sentences, but the comma doesn’t provide enough. Luckily, the period and the comma had a drunken one-night stand and produced this adorable little spawn they named the semicolon.”
― Jenny Baranick, Kiss My Asterisk: A Feisty Guide to Punctuation and Grammar

“A comma splice means that a comma has been inserted between two complete sentences.”
― Jenny Baranick, Kiss My Asterisk: A Feisty Guide to Punctuation and Grammar

“A run-on sentence is when we fuse two or more sentences together without using any punctuation to separate them. For example: I had the strangest dream last night on my couch Johnny Depp was whispering sweet nothings in my ear my mom was telling me to clean my room.”
― Jenny Baranick, Kiss My Asterisk: A Feisty Guide to Punctuation and Grammar

“If you want to see a truly long sentence, pick up a copy of James Joyce’s novel Ulysses, which reportedly contains a 4,391 word sentence. And when you’re finished with that one, Jonathan Coe’s book The Rotters Club contains a sentence made up of 13,955 words.”
― Jenny Baranick, Kiss My Asterisk: A Feisty Guide to Punctuation and Grammar

“Subject = Boat Verb = Sank Completes a thought = If you went up to someone and said, “The big boat sank,” the person may think that it’s a weird way to start the conversation, but he or she would understand what happened.”
― Jenny Baranick, Kiss My Asterisk: A Feisty Guide to Punctuation and Grammar

“One of the most pressing questions of our time is arguably this: Does size matter? Is it about quantity or quality? Is it the size of the boat or the motion of the ocean? Is it the length of the magic wand or the power of the spell? Obviously, I am referring to sentence size.”
― Jenny Baranick, Kiss My Asterisk: A Feisty Guide to Punctuation and Grammar

“Even is such a dependable word. It means steady, unchanging. Though, on the other hand, is the opposite. It means despite the fact that, which means it is always dealing with varying circumstances. Though would be too much drama for even.”
― Jenny Baranick, Kiss My Asterisk: A Feisty Guide to Punctuation and Grammar

“Incorrect: I use to be the most popular guy in school, but now I am the Thursday night trivia king at the local bar. Correct: I used to be the most popular guy in school, but now I am the Thursday night trivia king at the local bar.”
― Jenny Baranick, Kiss My Asterisk: A Feisty Guide to Punctuation and Grammar

“Lacks commitment: I suppose I could marry Dan.
Acknowledges commitment: I’m supposed to marry Dan.”
― Jenny Baranick, Kiss My Asterisk: A Feisty Guide to Punctuation and Grammar

“Affect: To produce a change in
Effect: Something that is produced, a result or consequence”
― Jenny Baranick, Kiss My Asterisk: A Feisty Guide to Punctuation and Grammar

“(Lay) Yesterday, he laid the leather whip down by the handcuffs.
(Lie) Five minutes ago, she told him to lay down on the floor and bark like a dog.”
― Jenny Baranick, Kiss My Asterisk: A Feisty Guide to Punctuation and Grammar