Khushwant Singh's Joke Book 9 Quotes

“A representative from India at the UN Assembly began his address thus: ‘Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Rishi Kashyap of Kashmir, after whom Kashmir is named. When Rishi Kashyap struck a rock and it brought forth water, he thought, “What a good opportunity to have a bath.” He took off his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water. When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished. A Pakistani had stolen them.’ The Pakistani representative jumped up furiously and shouted, ‘What are you talking about? The Pakistanis weren’t there then.’ The Indian smiled and said, ‘And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech saying that Kashmir has been an integral part of India all along.”
― Khushwant Singh, Khushwant Singh's Joke Book 9

“Mohammad, a child of Arab parents was enrolled in a school in New York. On the first day, his teacher asked, ‘What is your name?’ The boy replied, ‘Mohammad’. ‘From now on your name is Harry as you are in America,’ she said. In the evening, when he came back, his mother asked, ‘How was your day Mohammad?’ He said, ‘My name is not Mohammad. I’m in America and my name is Harry.’ His mother slapped him and said angrily: ‘Aren’t you ashamed of trying to dishonour your parents, your heritage, your religion?’ Then she called his father and he also slapped him. The next day when the teacher saw him with his face red and asked what happened, Mohammad said, ‘Madam, four hours after I became American, I was attacked by two Arabs.”
― Khushwant Singh, Khushwant Singh's Joke Book 9

“To plant your idea in someone’s head. To plant someone’s money in your own pocket. He who succeeds in the former, we call teacher. He who succeeds with the latter, we call boss. The one who succeeds in both, we call wife. The one who fails in both, we call husband.”
― Khushwant Singh, Khushwant Singh's Joke Book 9

“and, holy Mary Mother of Christ, he became as gentle as a lamb. The Pope is coming next week to give him first communion and confirmation.’ The guru spoke next. He was in a wheelchair with an IV drip and both legs in casts.”
― Khushwant Singh, Khushwant Singh's Joke Book 9

“Yahan khuda hai, wahan khuda hai... idhar khuda hai, udhar khuda hai... jahan nahin khuda hain, wahan kal khudega... Contributed”
― Khushwant Singh, Khushwant Singh's Joke Book 9

“SHASHI”
― Khushwant Singh, Khushwant Singh's Joke Book 9

“Santa was taking an evening walk, when it started to rain. To his relief, a car coming slowly towards him stopped next to where he was standing. Santa opened its door and jumped in. Once inside, he realised that there was no one else in the car. Thinking the car to be haunted, Santa started screaming. Then he heard Banta’s voice, ‘Oye Santa, what are you shouting for? Instead of sitting inside, come out and help me to push the car. I have run out of petrol.”
― Khushwant Singh, Khushwant Singh's Joke Book 9

“going”
― Khushwant Singh, Khushwant Singh's Joke Book 9

“A husband comes home from satsang and greets his wife, lifts her up and carries her around the house. His wife is surprised and asks, ‘Did the Swami ji preach about being romantic today?’ Her husband replies, ‘No, he said we must carry our burdens and sorrows with a smile.”
― Khushwant Singh, Khushwant Singh's Joke Book 9

“CHALLANED! Santa was caught for speeding and was produced before the magistrate. Magistrate: ‘What’ll you take? 30 days or Rs 3,000?’ Santa: ‘I think I’ll take the money.’ Contributed by Vijay Sharma, Dharmashala”
― Khushwant Singh, Khushwant Singh's Joke Book 9

“A QUESTION OF SALARY Santa was filling up an application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to put in the column ‘Salary Expected’. After much thought he wrote : ‘Yes, please.”
― Khushwant Singh, Khushwant Singh's Joke Book 9