Magic Words Quotes

“That’s why most people would agree that while it’s possible to accumulate too much stuff in this world, it is impossible to accumulate too much human connection.”
― Tim David, Magic Words: The Science and Secrets Behind Seven Words That Motivate, Engage, and Influence

“THE FIVE COMPONENTS OF AN EFFECTIVE “THANKS” Well-known gratitude researcher Jeffrey Froh was kind enough to share these five key elements of an effective thank-you during my interview with him: 1. Be timely. It’s never too late to express thanks to someone. That said, the sooner the better—especially if you’re hoping to reinforce the behavior that you’re thanking the person for. 2. Compliment the attributes of the benefactor. “Thank you for listening to me the other night. You are such a good listener, and I really appreciate that about you.” Or “Thank you for the card and gift. You are such a thoughtful person.” Allow the thank-you to extend past the deed, and let it also be about the person behind the deed. 3. Recognize the intent of the benefactor. This is the heart of an authentic thank-you. Recognizing intent acknowledges that they did something nice for you, and it acknowledges that their good deed was premeditated. “Thanks. I know you didn’t have to help me move my furniture to my new place. It’s good to know people still offer to help just out of the goodness of their heart.” 4. Recognize the costs to the benefactor. Whenever people do something nice for us, they give up time, money, or energy that could have been spent doing something for themselves. Tell them that you appreciate that. “Listen, I know you left your meeting early just to come down here. It means a lot that you’re putting aside your priorities for mine. Thank you.” 5. Articulate the benefits. Finally, share with them the result of their kind act. “Because of the generous support from you and others, we were able to raise four thousand dollars for needy families in our community. This money will make a big difference in their lives this holiday season. Thank you!”
― Tim David, Magic Words: The Science and Secrets Behind Seven Words That Motivate, Engage, and Influence

“The next time you’ve got a task you need someone to do, any task, don’t say the usual “Here’s what needs to be done and here are the instructions for how you’re going to do it.” Instead, bring your people together and say, “We have a problem and I need your help to solve it.” Then present the problem that your task solves and brainstorm with them.”
― Tim David, Magic Words: The Science and Secrets Behind Seven Words That Motivate, Engage, and Influence

“Spilling Cheerios and being ten minutes late to school? That’s not exactly a tragedy. So I let Chloe fill her bowl until she had the largest mound of Cheerios I had ever seen. Next came the milk. Chloe instantly flipped the jug 180 degrees. Milk shot out, hit the side of the bowl, and another mess was made. Finally, after cleaning up the spilled milk and Cheerios and trying again, she sat at the table with her breakfast in front of her. Over and over she squealed, “I did it! I did it!” Wouldn’t you know it? That kid ate every single bite of Mount Cheerios.”
― Tim David, Magic Words: The Science and Secrets Behind Seven Words That Motivate, Engage, and Influence

“Before you delegate any task, you must answer the following question: Which is more important, the task or the relationship? All tasks seem important at the time. Sure, I wanted Chloe to eat her Cheerios so we could get her to school on time. However, my relationship with her was even more important. This isn’t always the case. For example, a gentleman in one of my seminars said, “I work in high-pressure pipe fittings. If one of my guys is off by one half of 1 percent, then people die.” A nurse said, “If we make one mistake with someone’s prescription, then that person’s life may be in danger.” Here, the task is more important than the relationship. If failure will result in tragedy instead of a teachable moment, then you have an obligation to jump in and make any corrections you see fit.”
― Tim David, Magic Words: The Science and Secrets Behind Seven Words That Motivate, Engage, and Influence

“I had a frustrated woman confront me once: “I can’t get my teenage boys to clean their rooms! Do you have any magic words for that, Magic Boy? It’s driving me crazy. I’m constantly cleaning up after their mess!” Maybe it’s hard for them to grab hold of the task because you’re still clutching onto it for dear life. A task can have only one owner. When you jump in and correct, or when you take over a job outright, you are taking back ownership. In this mom’s case, because she took over, the consequences for not cleaning their rooms were: CLEAN ROOMS!”
― Tim David, Magic Words: The Science and Secrets Behind Seven Words That Motivate, Engage, and Influence

“We all need a little bit of challenge in our lives. Famed Hungarian psychology professor Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi famously named the sweet spot between being bored and being overwhelmed. He called it “flow.” Flow is where you are the most engaged, motivated, and happiest. You might call it “being in the zone.” The best leaders recognize the importance of pushing others toward flow. They delegate enough to challenge, but not so much that people become resentful or overworked.”
― Tim David, Magic Words: The Science and Secrets Behind Seven Words That Motivate, Engage, and Influence

“I completely understand how you feel, sir, and we can absolutely help you with that. Let’s take a look at your account and see what we can do for you.”
― Tim David, Magic Words: The Science and Secrets Behind Seven Words That Motivate, Engage, and Influence

“Think about how you feel when someone asks you for help. “You are motivated because you feel like you are part of something bigger than yourself,” says Yu-kai Chou, the gamification and human-motivation expert we met in the chapter on “If.” “It makes you feel important, like people are depending on you.”
― Tim David, Magic Words: The Science and Secrets Behind Seven Words That Motivate, Engage, and Influence

“Through trial and error, I eventually and organically changed my conversation style from something like “Can I please speak to the person in charge of hiring entertainment?” to something like “Hi, [so and so], my name is Tim. I have kind of a weird question. I was wondering if you could help me out?” No one ever said no to my request for help. Sure, they sometimes asked qualifying questions like “What kind of help?” before they made any commitments. But on the chart of who said what, the biggest piece of the pie was taken by the folks who appeared willing and even eager to help. Perhaps it’s because I used their name (when possible). Maybe it was because of the curiosity I built with the phrase “kind of a weird question.” Or maybe it was the magic word “help.” Suddenly, I was not someone who was robotically farming for transactions. I was someone who allowed himself to become vulnerable. I trusted them with my ego, and they didn’t let me down. A connection—however small—was made.”
― Tim David, Magic Words: The Science and Secrets Behind Seven Words That Motivate, Engage, and Influence

“Maybe we don’t even want our bosses to need us! I know it sounds like backward thinking, but if you’re not replaceable, then you’re not promotable. Very often I’ll hear my consulting clients say something like “She’s so good that I can’t promote her. I need her right where she is.”
― Tim David, Magic Words: The Science and Secrets Behind Seven Words That Motivate, Engage, and Influence

“Ultimately, your job as a parent is to make sure your children grow up, mature, and stop needing you, isn’t it? Your job as a manager is to empower your employees so you don’t have to do their jobs for them. As a leader, you want your organization to survive long after you’ve gone. Being needed is a temporary thing.”
― Tim David, Magic Words: The Science and Secrets Behind Seven Words That Motivate, Engage, and Influence

“When organizations opt for the use of rewards to control behavior, the rewards are likely to be accompanied by greater surveillance, evaluation, and competition, all of which have also been found to undermine intrinsic motivation. (Deci & Ryan,1985)”
― Tim David, Magic Words: The Science and Secrets Behind Seven Words That Motivate, Engage, and Influence

“This is especially important for anyone in a leadership position. Mark Sanborn, author of You Don’t Need a Title to Be a Leader, offers this leadership test: “If you had no title or ability to reward or penalize others, could you still get them to follow you?”
― Tim David, Magic Words: The Science and Secrets Behind Seven Words That Motivate, Engage, and Influence

“Would you prefer compliance or engagement? Unfortunately, most if/then statements are transactional and not relational. They drag the mind-set back to the world of market norms, block out social norms, and therefore snuff out the engagement, creativity, and motivation of the people who you interact with.”
― Tim David, Magic Words: The Science and Secrets Behind Seven Words That Motivate, Engage, and Influence

“Are you looking for a transaction? A quick, straightforward result with little or no creativity required? In that case, stick with market norms. Or do you want people to turn in their absolute best, creative, enthusiastic work over an extended period of time?”
― Tim David, Magic Words: The Science and Secrets Behind Seven Words That Motivate, Engage, and Influence

“You would be amazed at how often this works—and not just for children. I once asked an employee, “What do you think about this project?” He said, “I don’t really know.” I used the magic word: “What would you say if you did know?” He immediately answered, “Well, if I did know, then I would probably say something about the fact that it’s not really tied in to our big-picture plans. It’s kind of a distraction.” This is just one example of many, many “magical” turnarounds created by the word “if.” But it doesn’t always work out that way. What if my daughter responded with “But, Daddy, I don’t know”? (Which she did.) I had to up the ante a little bit and take the hypothetical up another level. I countered with “That’s not what I really meant. What I really meant was, what would I say if you asked me?” She immediately responded, “Well, you’d say ‘ice cream,’ but you know.”
― Tim David, Magic Words: The Science and Secrets Behind Seven Words That Motivate, Engage, and Influence

“It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon and my family and I were driving home from church. I thought it would be a good idea to get some ice cream, so I suggested it to my wife. However, you can’t just say “ice cream” when there is a two-year-old in the car and no ice cream directly within her line of sight. So, naturally I used the international parental code: “Would you like to stop and get some I-C-E C-R-E-A-M?” My wife immediately said yes, but Chloe asked, “Daddy, what’s that spell?” Now to put this in context, “ice cream” was one of Chloe’s first sight words. She could read “ice cream,” spell “ice cream,” and she knew everything there was to know about “ice cream.” So I dismissed her. “Come on, Chloe. You know what that means. Just sound it out.” “I can’t.” This is it. This is the moment. It happens every day, all across the world. A small child says to their parents, “I can’t.” An employee says to their boss, “I can’t.” Someone says to himself, “I can’t.” If there is ever a magic word that doesn’t use its powers for good, it’s the word “can’t.” Only bad things can come of this. Children miss out on life’s little learning experiences, employees are less productive, and people everywhere stay neatly in their comfort zones, never stretching or growing. So all across the world well-meaning people blurt out the retort “Yes, you CAN!” Whenever we say this, our intentions are good but our results don’t always turn out so well. The problem is, we’re beginning from a place of disagreement. They say “I can’t,” we say “Yes, you can,” and they think to themselves, No, you don’t understand. I just said that I can’t. Maybe you didn’t hear me. Tell you what I’ll do—I’ll say it louder this time. (Which they do.) “NO, I really can’t!” If you push someone, their natural reaction is to push back. They’ll dig in their heels and make sure that they’re right and you’re wrong. Try saying “Yes, you can” again and they’ll really be convinced that you don’t understand. They’ll feel obligated to show you that they can’t do it. The magic word “if” is the antidote to this fruitless back-and-forth. Instead of saying “Yes, you can” to Chloe, I tried a different approach. “Chloe, what would you say if you did know?”
― Tim David, Magic Words: The Science and Secrets Behind Seven Words That Motivate, Engage, and Influence

“Male Name-Pictures JAMES (Jim)—a Slim Jim JOHN—a toilet (my apologies to anyone named John) ROBERT (Bob)—a buoy bobbing on the water’s surface MICHAEL (Mike)—a microphone WILLIAM (Bill)—a dollar bill DAVID—a statue RICHARD—I’m sure you can think of something for this one CHARLES—a river (I’m from Boston) JOSEPH (Joe)—a cup of coffee THOMAS (Tom)—a drum CHRISTOPHER (Chris)—an “X” (like a crisscross) DANIEL (Dan)—a lion (lion’s den) PAUL—a bouncing ball MARK—a bruise (as in, “That’s gonna leave a mark!”) DONALD—a duck GEORGE—a gorge KENNETH (Ken)—a hen STEVEN (Steve)—a stove EDWARD (Ed)—a bed BRIAN—a brain RONALD (Ron)—a man running ANTHONY (Tony)—a skeleton (Bony Tony) KEVIN—the number seven JASON—a man being chased (chasin’) MATTHEW (Matt)—a welcome mat Female Name-Pictures MARY—the Virgin Mary PATRICIA (Pat)—a baseball bat LINDA—beauty crown (linda means “pretty” in Spanish) BARBARA—barbed-wire fence ELIZABETH—an ax (Lizzie Borden) JENNIFER—a heart (Jennifer Love Hewitt) MARIA—a wedding dress (as in, “I’m gonna marry ya”) SUSAN—a pair of socks (Susan sounds like “shoes and . . .”) MARGARET (Peg)—a pirate’s peg leg DOROTHY (Dot)—Dots candy LISA—the Mona Lisa NANCY—pants KAREN—a carrot BETTY—a poker chip HELEN—a demon SANDRA (Sandy)—the beach DONNA—a duck (as in, Donald) CAROL—bells (“Carol of the Bells”) RUTH—a roof SHARON—a toddler throwing a fit because she doesn’t want to share MICHELLE—a missile LAURA—an “aura” SARAH—cheerleader’s pom-poms (rah-rah!) KIMBERLY—a very burly woman named Kim DEBORAH—a bra A great way to practice this technique is to jump on Facebook and just start browsing profiles. You’ll have an endless supply of names and faces from which to try creating name-pictures and associations.”
― Tim David, Magic Words: The Science and Secrets Behind Seven Words That Motivate, Engage, and Influence

“Because” doesn’t always need a logical or compelling reason behind it in order to be effective, unless you want to motivate someone to complete significant or complex tasks. The six most compelling reasons are: “need to,” “have to,” “want to,” “choose to,” “love to,” and “called to.”
― Tim David, Magic Words: The Science and Secrets Behind Seven Words That Motivate, Engage, and Influence

“Some people get into this line of work just for the money, or the recognition, or the benefits. And others are here for the people that we serve, or the difference that we make, or . . . any number of reasons.” The magic happens during the long pause between the words “or” and “any.” The human brain tends to operate in survival mode, meaning it is always anticipating what is about to happen next. One of the things that separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom is something called “Theory of Mind.” This describes the distinctly human ability to interpret and anticipate other people’s thoughts, beliefs, or intentions. During the pause after the word “or,” the listener’s mind can’t help but immediately start filling in the blank space. Think about what you’ve just accomplished. Their brains are creating and exploring their own “because” reasons! Or, at the very least, they’re trying to anticipate what your next suggestion might be.”
― Tim David, Magic Words: The Science and Secrets Behind Seven Words That Motivate, Engage, and Influence

“A Rotary Club president might ask her members, “Why do you suppose we have an attendance requirement in this organization?” in order to increase attendance. A car salesperson may ask the customer, “Why are you looking at a Hyundai today?” in order to increase the likelihood of getting the sale. Parents might ask their children, “Why is it important to treat other people with respect?” in order to encourage kind behavior. A doctor may ask his patient, “Why should you be exercising more?” in order to increase patient compliance. Asking “why?” in these ways forces the listener to actively engage in any “because” reasons that follow. People are always more likely to take an action if they think it is their idea. We tend to diminish other people’s ideas and inflate our own.”
― Tim David, Magic Words: The Science and Secrets Behind Seven Words That Motivate, Engage, and Influence

“However, don’t rush to quit your job! Don’t head to your boss’s office screaming and yelling about how “magic boy” told you that you need to change your profession in order to be happy. Changing your profession should be a last resort. The grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence. The grass is greener where it’s watered.”
― Tim David, Magic Words: The Science and Secrets Behind Seven Words That Motivate, Engage, and Influence

“The science has shown that money doesn’t motivate people, just as money doesn’t make people happy. However, it is still tempting for employees to believe that it will. I once saw a sign in a shop window that illustrates this deception perfectly. It read: “All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.”
― Tim David, Magic Words: The Science and Secrets Behind Seven Words That Motivate, Engage, and Influence

“Here, I’ll present you with six human motivators. They are “need to,” “have to,” “want to,” “choose to,” “love to,” and “called to.” I’ve found the best way to explain them is by telling the following story:”
― Tim David, Magic Words: The Science and Secrets Behind Seven Words That Motivate, Engage, and Influence

“What Do They Need to Believe in Order for Them to Feel That Way?”
― Tim David, Magic Words: The Science and Secrets Behind Seven Words That Motivate, Engage, and Influence

“How Do They Need to Feel in Order to Take That Action? My good friend and fellow mentalist from the UK, Kennedy, turned me on to this very important question. Too often, people focus only on logic when trying to be influential. “If they could only see the benefits, then they would join my program!” That’s not necessarily true. People make their decisions based on emotion first, and then they back them up with logic.”
― Tim David, Magic Words: The Science and Secrets Behind Seven Words That Motivate, Engage, and Influence

“What Action Do You Want Them to Take? Remember, our goal is not to get people to simply say yes to us. Our goal is to move people to action. What specifically is the action that you want them to take? If you’re not clear about this, then they won’t be either.”
― Tim David, Magic Words: The Science and Secrets Behind Seven Words That Motivate, Engage, and Influence

“Is their love for “yes” and their mega-success a coincidence? Keith Johnstone, author of Impro, writes: “There are people who prefer to say ‘Yes,’ and there are people who prefer to say ‘No.’ Those who say ‘Yes’ are rewarded by the adventures they have, and those who say ‘No’ are rewarded by the safety they attain.” Is it possible that saying the magic word “yes” more often will actually benefit you as well as those who hear you say it? Is it possible that there is a world of opportunity and adventure out there that will never be touched by those whose automatic default setting is “no”? As it turns out . . . yes. Just ask my wife.”
― Tim David, Magic Words: The Science and Secrets Behind Seven Words That Motivate, Engage, and Influence

“Reasons that involve other people make you look less selfish for saying no. Responding to a request to help someone move with “No, I’d really rather not” is an authentic, confident refusal that can easily be perceived as selfish and downright rude. Contrast it with: “Unfortunately, I can’t because my son has a huge baseball game and if I miss any of it, he’ll be crushed.” Now, instead of a rude jerk, you’re a loving father. Perception is everything.”
― Tim David, Magic Words: The Science and Secrets Behind Seven Words That Motivate, Engage, and Influence