Sleepwalking is restercise Quotes

“She likes her wine white, and that’s how I like my clam chowder. So chuggable!”
― Jarod Kintz, Sleepwalking is restercise

“It’s only a problem until you ignore it. Come on, that’s Politics 101.”
― Jarod Kintz, Sleepwalking is restercise

“I like holding hands. Especially if those holding hands are holding my penis.”
― Jarod Kintz, Sleepwalking is restercise

“The sundress she wanted was too expensive for me, so I bought her a moondress. It’s not as shiny, but it still makes me howl.”
― Jarod Kintz, Sleepwalking is restercise

“I sent her a picture of an empty dinner plate, and the text said, Thinking of you.”
― Jarod Kintz, Sleepwalking is restercise

“If your TV is broken, don’t get a new one—get a new hobby: reading.”
― Jarod Kintz, Sleepwalking is restercise

“Every time I see a train, I think of robbing it. Like a Wild West cowboy, I’m out to steal and collect graffiti.”
― Jarod Kintz, Sleepwalking is restercise

“Every second is a moment before the unknown. Only the now is known. Life is a continuous known unknown.”
― Jarod Kintz, Sleepwalking is restercise

“To be a great writer, you must be nomadic. I’d recommend the hunter/gatherer lifestyle for anybody serious about being nonsensical.”
― Jarod Kintz, Sleepwalking is restercise

“I have a spreadsheet of all the women I'd like to spread and sheet. Your mom is on my list. So is your grandma, may she rest in peace.”
― Jarod Kintz, Sleepwalking is restercise

“My shirt and pants should match my in-laws’ wallpaper, so like a chameleon I can be both there and not there at the same time.
”
― Jarod Kintz, Sleepwalking is restercise

“Today I got up at 6:03 AM. Ugh, too early. I just wanted to sleep in late, and wake up naturally at 6:04 AM.”
― Jarod Kintz, Sleepwalking is restercise

“Competitively, I’m looking for the edge. I need to shave off inefficiencies and get rid of this Beard of Mediocrity.”
― Jarod Kintz, Sleepwalking is restercise

“I like horse farms. I like the idea of animals growing on trees.”
― Jarod Kintz, Sleepwalking is restercise

“I had sex with a statue a few months ago. The sex was so still that I’m still wearing the condom.”
― Jarod Kintz, Sleepwalking is restercise

“To every party, I bring my own booze. No need to help me carry it, as I walk in with it already in my bloodstream.”
― Jarod Kintz, Sleepwalking is restercise

“Drop by and knock on my bedroom window. My room is on the 13th floor. 1-12 are numbers on a clock, and I won’t wait forever.”
― Jarod Kintz, Sleepwalking is restercise

“During those hours, I had zero social awareness, as I was asleep. All the joggers who waved at me while I was walking can vouch for that.”
― Jarod Kintz, Sleepwalking is restercise

“I bought a five-pound sack of sugar. Now I just need to buy a cup of coffee to dump it in.”
― Jarod Kintz, Sleepwalking is restercise

“I am a social outcast, shunned by society. Nobody ever invites me to parties. My own birthday avoids me, and only comes around every two years.”
― Jarod Kintz, Sleepwalking is restercise

“Global warming is so serious that I’d advise you to not wear panties.”
― Jarod Kintz, Sleepwalking is restercise

“My last two girlfriends both had the same name—and they looked similar. One looked older than the other, but they were in fact the same person.”
― Jarod Kintz, Sleepwalking is restercise

“Every home needs a woman’s touch. My penis also needs a woman’s touch.”
― Jarod Kintz, Sleepwalking is restercise

“I’m productive. I make things. I make fun.”
― Jarod Kintz, Sleepwalking is restercise

“To find my mistakes, you’re going to need a shovel—and a missing person’s list.”
― Jarod Kintz, Sleepwalking is restercise

“A bad reputation will dog you for years. A good reputation will cat you.
”
― Jarod Kintz, Sleepwalking is restercise

“I walked in front of him, stopped, bent over, pulled down my pants, and said, “Did I just catch you looking at my ass?”
― Jarod Kintz, Sleepwalking is restercise

“I always like to see people working. Makes me feel good because I’m not.”
― Jarod Kintz, Sleepwalking is restercise

“He’s dead. I don’t celebrate who he was, but who he isn’t. He isn’t alive, and that is a great reason to party.
”
― Jarod Kintz, Sleepwalking is restercise

“I’m probably infertile. I inherited it from my dad.”
― Jarod Kintz, Sleepwalking is restercise