Saugatuck Summer Quotes

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Saugatuck Summer (Saugatuck, #1) Saugatuck Summer by Amelia C. Gormley
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Saugatuck Summer Quotes Showing 1-30 of 37
“Don’t you see, angel?”
His arms tightened around me. “You’re still on your feet.
You may hate yourself for every little mistake you make, but
the fact that you’ve survived means you’ve come out on top. It
might not be a perfect victory, but those are really, really rare.
Every day you stand up and face life again is a win.”
Amelia C. Gormley, Saugatuck Summer
“I don’t know if I’ll ever go through with it. I’m just too much of a perfectionist, I guess.
I’d rather be nothing than be middle-of-the-road.”
She hugged me tightly.
“You’re not middle-of-the-road, Topher. You’re fast lane, all the way. You just, you know, need to find the right car.”
Amelia C. Gormley, Saugatuck Summer
“I don’t know your story, and I’m not going to ask for any more than you want to give. But I know, I can just tell from the way you act, that people have tried to take things from you, tried to take you from you. They tried to take away something amazing, something that deserves more, something that wants to shine. I see it. I see the part they never managed to steal, no matter how hard they tried…Your soul,” he whispered, answering the unspoken inquiry.”
Amelia C. Gormley, Saugatuck Summer
“Forget that voice that says you're a failure if you can't do it all yourself. Listen to the people who are saying you can for once, instead of all the ones who have told you that you can't.”
Amelia C. Gormley, Saugatuck Summer
“You race toward something You don’t know what you’ll find But you’ll notice it when you see it You say, “there must be more Out there waiting silently” You know your place But you hate it just the same —Casey Stratton, “Harvest.”
Amelia C. Gormley, Saugatuck Summer
“I’d like to do two sets, if you don’t mind. One nude before we fuck, and another when we’re done.” He pressed close, brushing his lips along my jaw until I turned to welcome the kiss. His voice dropped to a sexy murmur. “I want to capture the look in your eyes, before and after. Hungry, then satisfied.”
Amelia C. Gormley, Saugatuck Summer
“I had this coming. I just have to take my medicine. I think I’ll spend the weekend brooding about what a shitty friend I am and mourning the loss of the friendship. I might have Ben & Jerry over to keep me company. Or maybe Ernest and Julio Gallo.”

“Hey, no threesomes unless I get to watch.”
Amelia C. Gormley, Saugatuck Summer
“These aren’t me!” I screamed in a whisper, two tears slipping down my cheeks. “Whatever you see, it’s not me. I’m just a fuck-up who doesn’t know anything, not even what he’s doing from moment to moment. And I’m scared all the time, and I don’t know how to be anything else, except maybe angry and sad.”

His arms tightened around me. “I don’t need you to be perfect. I don’t need you to never make mistakes. I just need you to let me give you as much of myself as I can, and to trust that I will try as hard as possible never to hurt you intentionally. Can you do that? Can you just let me love you?”
Amelia C. Gormley, Saugatuck Summer
“A half-empty bottle of vodka sat on the bedside table, and his sketchbook was open on the king-size bed. Several sketches, only three of which looked finished, were scattered across the bedspread. Clearly he hadn’t been sleeping either.

Swallowing, I picked up the nearest one. A dark-skinned, pale-haired child with an angel’s wings—too old to be a cherub, more like a small boy—stood in the middle of a dark forest, looking around in terror. His hand was outstretched, reaching for a shadow disappearing off the edge of the page, the unknown figure walking away from him, leaving him behind.

I drew a shuddering breath and picked up the next one. In this one, that same angel—now a willowy adolescent, his thin, maturing body draped in the ubiquitous short toga with strapped sandals wound around his ankles—stood with his shoulders hunched in the midst of a crowd of jeering figures. He held an ornate harp cradled protectively against his body, trying to shield it from further harm. Its strings were sprung and its frame cracked and bent.

In the last one, an even more mature version of the angel—now a young man—knelt on one knee in another clearing in the woods. He was bruised and bleeding, his toga torn and stained. He held the bloody, tattered remnants of one of his wings, trying futilely to piece it back together.”
Amelia C. Gormley, Saugatuck Summer
“This isn’t a complaint, but I have to ask why you do that.”

“Do what?”

“Touch me like you have every right in the world to. You do it even before it’s a sure thing that I’ll sleep with you.”

“I don’t know.” His voice lifted, sounding slightly puzzled. “I think because whenever you’re within arm’s reach, it seems like my hands would feel more natural on you than they would hanging at my sides.”
Amelia C. Gormley, Saugatuck Summer
“The deafening report of the next rocket to go up masked my squeak when his hand slipped into my lap.

“Oh, God.” I gasped, trying to pretend nothing was happening. Nope, absolutely nothing weird about cuddling with a near-stranger in the presence of my secret ex-lover. The pace of the detonations picked up, cloaking my gasps as the flat of his finger and then his palm rubbed up and down the crotch-seam of my jeans.

He brought me right to the quivering brink of blowing my load in my pants, then backed off, cupping his hand almost protectively over the bulge there, covering but not trying to stimulate.

“Here’s how it’s gonna be,” he growled in my ear between booms. “When this is over, we’re going back to my room and I’m going to fuck you until you can’t remember your own name. Then, when you can form words of more than one syllable again and string them reliably together into sentences, you’re going to tell me what the hell is going on here. But get this straight in your head: I. Don’t. Hide. Not from anyone, not for any reason. I don’t care what’s going on, if you expect me to be with you, don’t even think of asking me to pretend I’m not. Got it?”
Amelia C. Gormley, Saugatuck Summer
“So, okay. He was basically an amalgamation of every redheaded man to ever turn my crank (and how!). And he lived in a popular gay resort town, which meant the chances were above average that he might actually be interested. Watching him trot lightly down those stairs to the beach, I realized what my objective this summer would be.
Agent Carlisle, your mission, should you choose to accept it, will be to find out which of these residences belongs to Mr. Strawberry-Blond Hunka Burnin’ Love and convince him to do you on every horizontal surface—and against a few of the vertical ones.
Amelia C. Gormley, Saugatuck Summer
“The sky should be the limit for
you right now, angel.”
Amelia C. Gormley, Saugatuck Summer
“I ended up taking Ben & Jerry and the Gallo brothers home that night, so it was a real orgy, if a very maudlin and self-indulgent one.”
Amelia C. Gormley, Saugatuck Summer
“I know, but there were all those people there, and you just don’t go around outing someone like that . . .”

“Yeah, well you just don’t go around fucking your best friend’s dad either, you prick!” For a moment I thought she was going to hit me again, but she pulled it back. “That’s a fucking convenient sense of ethics you’ve got going on there, girlfriend.”
Amelia C. Gormley, Saugatuck Summer
“I echoed his groan as I pushing into him, fast and hard, knowing now that we were both burning, burning, my nipples and his ass, and Jesus, wasn’t that a metaphor for whatever was happening between us? I was just on fire for him, in a way I’d never been before, for his pale skin and dark hair and red lips, for both the fucking incendiary raunch and the heartbreaking sensitivity that came in turns from his brilliant artist’s mind.”
Amelia C. Gormley, Saugatuck Summer
“Dollars to doughnuts there’s no fruit dip,” he murmured behind me.

Would Mo do that to me not five minutes after I asked her not to push me at anything?

Fucking A. Of course she would. I was the fruit dip, apparently.

I backed out of the fridge, hanging my head with a sigh. “For Mo, that was extremely subtle.”

“She’s got a gift.” Jace leaned against the counter beside the fridge and crossed his arms over his chest, looking me over. “How are you, Topher?”

“Good. Good. Fine. How have you been?” I retreated a few paces, mirroring his posture against the island chopping block opposite him.

“I’ve been good. Really good, in fact, though I’m wondering if you would rather I weren’t here.”

“What?” I blinked rapidly. “Why would I— Why would you think that?”

The corner of his mouth quirked up in a wry smile. “Because this is the first time you’ve met my eyes since I arrived, and if I were a vampire, you’d be thrusting garlic and a cross at me right now.”
Amelia C. Gormley, Saugatuck Summer
“Oh, what? So, because I’m not going to leave my wife for you, I don’t even qualify as bisexual?”

“You could, but you’re not.” The only thing that kept me from trying to outpace him again was the crowd and the fact that I was afraid someone would overhear.

“And just why is that?”

“Because to call a spineless, wishy-washy closet case like you ‘bi’ would be an insult to bifolk everywhere.” I shook my head in disgust. “You’re a fucking stereotype, you know that? Bisexuals are fighting to get rid of the misperception of themselves as being greedy or on the fence, and here you are undoing all that.”
Amelia C. Gormley, Saugatuck Summer
“Please, can you just stop being such a bitch for two fucking minutes? Jesus.”

He ran his hand through his hair, clenching his fingers near his scalp.
I gave him a scathing look and turned away again. “Fuck you. You’re not queer enough to call me a bitch.”
Amelia C. Gormley, Saugatuck Summer
“I’m glad I found you.”

“Gee, that makes exactly one of us,” I muttered, not bothering to look at him. “Say, don’t you have a wife to go bone?”

“You knew I was married all along, Topher.” He sounded weary, as though I was being bothersome. Jackass.”
Amelia C. Gormley, Saugatuck Summer
“Well, look at it this way,” Robin reasoned as I sat with him and Geoff at their kitchen table that night, half-plastered from the pitcher of margarita they’d blended up. Was I going to have a tequila hangover in the morning? Oh, honey, you bet your sweet ass I was. And how many fucks did I give?

Not a one.

“Even if you were overreacting to read what you read into this guy’s offer—which I don’t think you were, though I doubt he actually thought it through enough to intend it to be read that way—you still have to ask yourself: What’s in it for you, hanging around some motel room waiting for a married man to make a booty call? What benefit would you get out of that situation, or out of prolonging your relationship with him? He might not have meant it to be an insulting offer, but it was absolutely a one hundred percent selfish offer. There was no upside for you whatsoever, unless the sex really was just that amazing.”
Amelia C. Gormley, Saugatuck Summer
“Yeah, well there’s your first problem. You don’t get it. You can’t even see what you did. You’re going to sit here today and you’re going to convince yourself that you were right and I was unreasonable and you won’t even think about what you just tried to make me into. But hey....It’s not my problem, now. You think what you want. I’m gone.”

He sighed and reached for my suitcase. “Will you at least let me help you down the stairs?”

“Fuck off.” I’d rather break my neck than let him give me a second of assistance.

“Topher, come on!” Now he sounded annoyed and seriously, fuck him, he didn’t get to be pissy over this. I turned around and gave him a withering look.

“Be sure you clear the lube out of the bedside table before you bang your wife in that room. It’s a dead giveaway.”
Amelia C. Gormley, Saugatuck Summer
“I never asked you to take care of me! This? This is exactly what I didn’t want. You promised me . . .” I shook my head, my eyes burning as I turned my attention back to packing. I jerked the zipper of my suitcase so hard I’m surprised I didn’t pull the damn tab off. “Let’s be honest, hm? You’re not trying to take care of me, you’re trying to take care of you. You want to have your respectable, white-bread, married, straight family life as well as your faggy brown boy toy on the side, and seriously? Fuck that shit. I trusted you, Brendan! I trusted you to respect me enough not to pull something like this, not to try to keep me dangling along so you could have it both ways without giving up anything.”
Amelia C. Gormley, Saugatuck Summer
“What is it? What is it?!” I began dumping clothes out of the dresser drawers, snatching them on as quickly as I could before hauling my suitcase and large duffel out of the closet. I would not cry. I would not cry! “Brendan, what was the only fucking thing I asked from you that first night? Do you remember?”

He blinked, scrubbing a hand through his tousled hair. “You . . . you asked me to respect you. Which I do, I’m just trying to—”

“Oh, really?” I gave him a derisive sneer as I threw wadded clothes into my bags and began slamming about, looking for odds and ends I might have missed. “That’s what you call this? You offer to put me up like your personal rent-boy in some no-tell motel and promise to drop by every few days for a booty call while your wife’s in town, and you think that’s not demeaning? Well, fuck you.”
Amelia C. Gormley, Saugatuck Summer
“My forehead hit the table again with a thud. Ow. The words left me in a rush.

“I’m-fucking-the-married-closeted-father-of-my-only-close-friend-in-the-entire-world-and-his-wife-is-going-to-be-here-in-two-weeks.”

I heard the hiss as Robin sucked his breath in between his teeth. “Ouch.”

“Yeah.” I sighed, my forehead rubbing against the table as I nodded miserably. At least he didn’t try to deny the idiotic part.

“You know there’s absolutely no way that can end well.”

“Duh.”
Amelia C. Gormley, Saugatuck Summer
“Of course, to my utter mortification, he looked amused. I half-expected him to start golf clapping.

“Ooh, epic bitch fit! I give it five stars. Haven’t seen one that good in forever, and I live in a town full of queens, so that’s saying something. Now, if you’ve got that out of your system, sit your ass down and let’s talk.”
Amelia C. Gormley, Saugatuck Summer
“Then of course, I meet you and I realize you’re the same guy in those paintings, and that young man in the paintings is a lot of things, but scared isn’t one of them. So I’m guessing whatever it is, it’s a recent thing. Maybe something going on right now. And I’m guessing you’ve never had a gay adult in your life—someone who’s seen a lot of what we face and the sorts of mistakes we make because of it, and knows how to navigate it all. At least, not one who went that extra step and took you in hand and said, you’re not alone.”

Fuck, fuck, fuck! I was not going to start bawling in front of this nosy, presumptuous asshole. I wasn’t.

So I blew up instead.

“Well, kum-ba-fucking-yah!” I flung myself up from the table, beyond caring that I was pretty much torpedoing my only chance at employment. This chucklenuts had started it. “Great! I’m not alone. Except maybe I want to be alone, hm? Maybe I should be alone, didya think of that when you were looking in your crystal ball, Madame Sees-All-Knows-All? Maybe I’ve done something so monumentally fucking stupid that the only possible outcome is for me to wind up alone because that’s exactly what I fucking deserve.”
Amelia C. Gormley, Saugatuck Summer
“That’s not really your business, is it?” I snapped, doing that going-on-the-offense thing I do when I panic. “I’m not sure what this has to do with me working for you.”

Bravado for the win.

He crossed his arms over his chest and one corner of his mouth lifted. “You think you’re the only young gay man who’s ever been there?”

I scoffed, looking pointedly around the pretty, expensive art gallery perfectly suited to this well-heeled vacation town. “You’re doing okay for yourself.”

“Yeah, I am. I got fucking lucky. Some of my friends didn’t, though, and they’re dead now. Killed by fag bashers, overdoses, or suicide. Infected with HIV they got peddling their asses on the streets. You don’t know me, Topher, and you don’t know what I’ve seen in the years it took me to become the man I am now. But I know you. You might be all alone, but you’re sure as fuck not unique. And right now, I think I’m looking at you standing on life’s big old chess board, and you’re about two moves in any direction from being one of the ones who ends up in a bad place.”
Amelia C. Gormley, Saugatuck Summer
“If I ignored the eyes, I would think the subject of the painting was ready to fall into a contented sleep. But the eyes ruined that illusion. They were wide open, and too old, too deep, too knowing for the age of the angel. They were the eyes of someone who’d seen way too much pain and ugliness. Cautious. Vulnerable. Soft. Sad. Full of wistful yearning.

It wasn’t the narrative of that carefree and passionate night I’d spent with Jace, not as I recalled it. And yet it was, from sundown to sunrise, told in stages.

They were gorgeous paintings, but what sort of impression must I have left on Jace for him to see me like that? They weren’t me. Not me at all. The semi-angelic young man in those paintings was idealized beyond all recognition, someone mythical and amazing, and that wasn’t me. I was just Topher, the fucked-up kid who was betraying his best friend by making her dad an adulterer, the kid who would probably never finish college and who couldn’t seem to achieve anything more than mediocrity in anything he pursued.”
Amelia C. Gormley, Saugatuck Summer
“The first one, with a wispy background that suggested feathers, gave the impression of an angelic figure with my face, dark skin contrasting with the soft, golden lighting. I gleamed with a subtle gilt shimmer and my eyes both laughed and burned. I looked eager and innocent, and maybe a little nervous, as I lay on the bed awaiting an unknown lover.

The second was darker, as though hours had passed since the first and the sun had set. I looked lazy, heavy-lidded, debauched. A slightly smug smile tugged at the corners of my mouth. One very satisfied fallen angel.

The last one made my throat ache a little. The background was lighter again, this time touched with pink over the gold, as if the night was over and an unseen sun was rising. I sprawled on the bed like I was near collapse, limp, dazed, exhausted. Love-bites speckled my throat and finger-shaped bruises darkened my wrists and hips. Not only had the angel fallen, he’d been utterly and completely wrecked, in the best possible way.”
Amelia C. Gormley, Saugatuck Summer

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