The Plan Quotes

“You mean beyond the obvious drawbacks of being involved with a self-proclaimed and unapologetic asshole?”
― Qwen Salsbury, The Plan

“Let us observe the mating rituals of the lecherous North American lounge lizard in his native habitat: The Open Bar.”
― Qwen Salsbury, The Plan

“Day: Different. * Shit: Same. * Workload and Course Load: Big, steamy load. * Consider: Pro v. con of liquid diet. * Shopping List: One bourbon. One Scotch. One beer.”
― Qwen Salsbury, The Plan

“Incoming Text: Bert will be so disappointed. He had down that Canon would eat you alive by last night. Note to self: Never bet against Bert.”
― Qwen Salsbury, The Plan

“IT IS A FACT, UNIVERSALLY ACCEPTED, that a single man in possession of a fine ass must be observed like wildlife”
― Qwen Salsbury, The Plan

“We have been going over the proposal and possible concessions for the longest ninety minutes of my life. And I saw Battlefield Earth.”
― Qwen Salsbury, The Plan

“Wherever you are, dear butterfly, keep flapping your chaotic wings. Flap them. Flap them like your little life depends upon it... or at least my little death.”
― Qwen Salsbury, The Plan

“Say who with the what now? Well, Merry Christmas and Ho Ho Holy Crap. Just what the hell have I been yammering on about?”
― Qwen Salsbury, The Plan

“I look pretty good. More than good, actually, but I’m not a teenager anymore. Caution: Contents may have shifted during flight.”
― Qwen Salsbury, The Plan

“It’s all very Super Secret Squirrel.”
― Qwen Salsbury, The Plan

“WHY IS MY BATH COLD? Because I, purchaser of sadist shoes, needed to soak after wearing cheese graters on my feet yesterday and then traveling and walking and sitting through meetings and touring facilities and impersonating a pack mule today. ’Twas not meant to be.”
― Qwen Salsbury, The Plan

“Day of Employment: 362 8:11 p.m. * Day: Different. * Shit: Same. * Workload and Course Load: Big, steamy load. * Consider: Pro v. con of liquid diet. * Shopping List: One bourbon. One Scotch. One beer.”
― Qwen Salsbury, The Plan

“I will have you know there is probably less pineapple at your average luau than in my system at this moment”
― Qwen Salsbury, The Plan

“God, I'm not just in the neighbourhood of pathetic, I'm circling the block.”
― Qwen Salsbury, The Plan

“How am I supposed to look unaffected and asexual with all this unfair fuckery happening?”
― Qwen Salsbury, The Plan

“I do wish there were assless chaps. Not that I would wear them. But there is nothing funnier than the words assless chaps.”
― Qwen Salsbury, The Plan

“Irony is chock-full of fiber.”
― Qwen Salsbury, The Plan

“These are dark times. Darker still if we must forego the snooze button.”
― Qwen Salsbury, The Plan

“This year, Rebecca instituted a White Elephant gift exchange, that passive-aggressive method of conveying just how little the people you see more often than family mean to you via the splendor of craptastic gifting.”
― Qwen Salsbury, The Plan

“REBECCA IS AN IMMORTAL. I know this because I have been giving her a look that can kill for the past three and a half minutes.”
― Qwen Salsbury, The Plan

“This crap is fast getting on my reserve nerve.”
― Qwen Salsbury , The Plan

“He’s the guy you wish Jennifer Aniston would be with just to get back at Brad.”
― Qwen Salsbury, The Plan