Alcatraz Versus the Scrivener's Bones Quotes

“Personally, I say, "Out of the frying pan and into the deadly pit filled with sharks who are wielding chainsaws with killer kittens stapled to them." However, that one's having a rough time catching on.”
― Brandon Sanderson, Alcatraz Versus the Scrivener's Bones

“Personally, I like it much better when someone else does the decision making. That way you have legitimate grounds to whine and complain. I tend to find both whining and complaining quite interesting and amusing, though sometimes--unfortunately--it's hard to choose which one of the two I want to do.
Sigh. LIfe can be so tough sometimes.”
― Brandon Sanderson, Alcatraz Versus the Scrivener's Bones

“Regardless, I often wish that the two groups - adults and kids - could find a way to get along better. Some sort of treaty or something. The biggest problem is, the adults have one of the most effective recruitment strategies in the world.

Give them enough time, and they'll turn any kid into one of them.”
― Brandon Sanderson, Alcatraz Versus the Scrivener's Bones

“Once there was a bunny. This bunny had a birthday party. It was the bestest birthday party ever. Because that was the day the bunny got a bazooka.
THe bunny loved his bazooka. He blew up all sorts of things on the farm. He blew up the stable of Henrietta the Horse. He blew up the pen of Pugsly the Pig. He blew up the coop of Chuck the Chicken.
"I have the bestest bazooka ever," the bunny said. Then the farm friends proceeded to beat him senseless and steal his bazooka. It was the happiest day of his life.
The end.
Epilogue: Pugsly the Pig, now without a pen, was quite annoyed. When none of the others were looking, he stole the bazooka. He tied a bandana on his head and swore vengeance for what had been done to him.
"From this day on," he whispered, raising the bazooka, "I shall be known as Hambo.”
― Brandon Sanderson, Alcatraz Versus the Scrivener's Bones

“Not all librarians are evil cultists. Some librarians are instead vengeful undead who want to suck your soul.”
― Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Smedry), Alcatraz Versus the Scrivener's Bones

“Adults are not idiots

often in books such as this one, the opposite impression is given. Adults in those stories will either (a) get captured, (b) disappear conspicuously when there is trouble, or (c) refuse to help.
( im not sure what authors have against adults, but everyone seems to hate them to an extent usually reserved for dogs and mothers. Why else make them out to make such idiots? "Ah look, the dark lord of evil has come to attack the castle! Annnd. ther's my lunch break. Have fun saving the word on your own kids")
In the real world adults tend to get involved in everything whether you want them to or not. They won't disappear when the dark lord appears, though they may try to sue them.
This discrepancy is yet another proof that most books are fantasies while this book is utterly true and invaluable.
you see in this book, I will make it completely clear that adults are not idiots.
they are however hairy
Adults are like hairy kids who like to tell other what to do. Dispite what other books may claim they do have their uses, they can reach things on high shelves for instance...
Regardless, i often wish that the two groups-adults and kids- could find a way to get along better. Some sort of treaty or something. The biggest problem is the adults have one of the most effective recruitment stratagies in the world.
Give them enough time and they'll turn any kid into one of them.”
― Brandon Sanderson, Alcatraz Versus the Scrivener's Bones

“People don't read anymore. And, when they do, they don't read books like this one, but instead read books that depress them, because those books are seen as important. Somehow, the Librarians have successfully managed to convince most people in the Hushlands that they shouldn't read anything that isn't boring.

It comes down to Biblioden the Scrivener's great vision for the world — a vision in which people never do anything abnormal, never dream, and never experience anything strange. His minions teach people to stop reading fun books, and instead focus on fantasy novels. That's what I call them, because these books keep people trapped. Keep them inside the nice little fantasy that they consider to be the 'real' world. A fantasy that tells them they don't need to try something new.

After all, trying new things can be difficult.”
― Brandon Sanderson, Alcatraz Versus the Scrivener's Bones

“Or you could be a serial killer who specializes in reading books, then seeking out the authors and murdering them in horrible ways. (If you happen to fall into that last category, you should know that my name isn’t really Alcatraz Smedry, nor is it Brandon Sanderson. My name is in fact Garth Nix, and you can find me in Australia. Oh, and I insulted your mother once. What’re you going to do about it, huh?)”
― Brandon Sanderson, The Scrivener's Bones

“Oh, you didn't want to hear that? I'm sorry. You'll just have to forget that I wrote it. There are several convenient ways to do that. I hear hitting yourself on the head with a blunt object can be very effective. You should try using one of Brandon Sanderson's fantasy novels. They're big enough, and goodness knows, that's really the only useful thing to do with them.”
― Brandon Sanderson, Alcatraz Versus the Scrivener's Bones

“Laugh when good things happen. Laugh when bad things happen. Laugh when life is so plain boring that you can’t find anything amusing about it beyond the fact that it’s so utterly unamusing.”
― Brandon Sanderson, The Scrivener's Bones

“the Law of Inevitable Occurrence. In layman’s terms, this law states that some things simply have to happen. If there’s a red button on a console with the words don’t push taped above it, someone will push it. If there’s a gun hanging conspicuously above Chekhov’s fireplace, someone is going to end up shooting it (probably at Nietzsche).”
― Brandon Sanderson, The Scrivener's Bones

“Writers—particularly storytellers like myself—write about people. That is ironic, since we actually know nothing about them. Think about it. Why does someone become a writer? Is it because they like people? Of course not. Why else would we seek out a job where we get to spend all day, every day, cooped up in our basement with no company besides paper, a pencil, and our imaginary friends? Writers hate people. If you’ve ever met a writer, you know that they’re generally awkward, slovenly individuals who live beneath stairwells, hiss at those who pass, and forget to bathe for weeklong periods. And those are the socially competent ones.”
― Brandon Sanderson, The Scrivener's Bones

“Some grow very attached to a modern diversion known as the ‘Crossword Puzzle.’ We’ve had several come here looking for answers. We have their souls now.”
― Brandon Sanderson, The Scrivener's Bones

“There have been a lot of Smedries over the centuries," he said, "and a lot of Talents. Many of them tend to be similar, in the long run. There are four kinds: Talents that affect space, time, knowledge, and the physical world."

"Take my talent, for instance," he continued. "I change things in space. I can get lost, then get found again."

"What about grandpa Smedry?"

"Time," Kas said. "He arrives late to things. Australia, however, has a Talent that can change the physical world--in this case, her own shape. Her Talent is fairly specific, and not as broad as your grandfather's. For instance, there was a Smedry a couple of centuries back who could look ugly any time he wanted, not just when he woke up in the morning. Other have been able to change anyone's appearance, not just their own. Understand?"

I shrugged. "I guess so."

"The closer the Talent gets to its purest form, the more powerful it is," Kaz said. "Your grandfather's Talent is very pure--he can manipulate time in a lot of different circumstances. Your father and I have very similar Talents--I can get lost and Attica can lose things--and both are flexible."

"What about Sing?" I asked.

"Tripping. That's what we call a knowledge Talent--he knows how to do something normal with extraordinary ability. Like Australia, though, his power isn't very flexible."

I nodded slowly. "So...what does this have to do with me?"

"Well, it's hard to say," Kaz said. "You're getting into some deep philosophy now, kid. There are those who argue that the Breaking Talent is simply a physical-world Talent, but one that is very versatile and very powerful.
There are others who argue that the Breaking Talent is much more. It seems to be able to do things that affect all four areas.
Legends say that one of your ancestors--one of only two others to have this Talent--broke time and space together, forming a little bubble where nothing aged.
Other records speak of breakings equally marvelous. Breakings that change people's memory or their abilities. What is it to 'break' something? What can you change? How far can the Talent go?”
― Brandon Sanderson, Alcatraz Versus the Scrivener's Bones

“You should try using one of Brandon Sanderson’s fantasy novels. They’re big enough, and goodness knows that’s really the only useful thing to do with them.”
― Brandon Sanderson, The Scrivener's Bones

“I’d gone on such a rampage that I would have made the proverbial bull in the proverbial china shop look unproverbially good by proverbial comparison. (Personally, I don’t even know how he’d fit through the door. Proverbially.)”
― Brandon Sanderson, The Scrivener's Bones

“Yes. You read that right. Evil Librarians control the world. They keep everyone in ignorance, teaching them falsehoods in place of history, geography, and politics. It’s kind of a joke to them. Why else do you think the Librarians named themselves what they did? Librarians. LIE-brarians. Sounds obvious now, doesn’t it? If you wish to smack yourself in the forehead and curse loudly, you may proceed to do so. I can wait.”
― Brandon Sanderson, The Scrivener's Bones

“But then, he’s a Smedry. That’s virtually a synonym for “insane, foolhardy lunatic.”
― Brandon Sanderson, The Scrivener's Bones

“If it makes you feel better, Bastille dies by the end of this book. Oh, you didn’t want to hear that? I’m sorry. You’ll simply have to forget that I wrote it. There are several convenient ways to do that. I hear hitting yourself on the head with a blunt object can be very effective. You should try using one of Brandon Sanderson’s fantasy novels. They’re big enough, and goodness knows that’s really the only useful thing to do with them.”
― Brandon Sanderson, The Scrivener's Bones

“What did it mean to be called “lord”? I’ll assume you’ve never had the honor, since I doubt any of you happen to be British royalty. (And if by chance you are, then let me say, “Hello, Your Majesty! Welcome to my stupid book. Can I borrow some cash?”)”
― Brandon Sanderson, The Scrivener's Bones

“up into the”
― Brandon Sanderson, The Scrivener's Bones

“You saved me too,” I said. “Remember the coins? If it wasn’t for you, I’d be floating around with burning eyes, offering illicit books to people as if I were a drug dealer looking for a new victim.” (Hey, kids? Want a taste of Dickens? It’s awesome, man. Come on. First chapters of Hard Times are free. I know you’ll be back for A Tale of Two Cities later.)”
― Brandon Sanderson, The Scrivener's Bones

“The biggest problem is, the adults have one of the most effective recruitment strategies in the world. Give them enough time, and they’ll turn any kid into one of them.”
― Brandon Sanderson, The Scrivener's Bones

“Once there was a bunny. This bunny had a birthday party. It was the bestest birthday party ever. Because that was the day the bunny got a bazooka. The bunny loved his bazooka. He blew up all sorts of things on the farm. He blew up the stable of Henrietta the Horse. He blew up the pen of Pugsly the Pig. He blew up the coop of Chuck the Chicken. “I have the bestest bazooka ever,” the bunny said. Then the farm friends proceeded to beat him senseless and steal his bazooka. It was the happiest day of his life. The end. Epilogue: Pugsly the Pig, now without a pen, was quite annoyed. When none of the others were looking, he stole the bazooka. He tied a bandana on his head and swore vengeance for what had been done to him. “From this day on,” he whispered, raising the bazooka, “I shall be known as Hambo.”
― Brandon Sanderson, The Scrivener's Bones

“He descubierto que la forma más rápida para sentirse mal con uno mismo es leer un libro de autoayuda,”
― Brandon Sanderson, Los huesos del escriba

“Me gustaría señalar que no es muy bonito reírse del dolor ajeno. Hacerlo es una costumbre muy mala, casi tanto como leer el segundo libro de una serie sin haber leído el primero.”
― Brandon Sanderson, Los huesos del escriba

“(Pero ¿cómo se regaña a una caballero de Cristalia que es veinte años mayor que tú? «¿Caballero mala, a la cama sin espada?»)”
― Brandon Sanderson, Los huesos del escriba

“Ah, ¿que no queríais oír eso? Lo siento, tendréis que olvidar que lo he escrito. Existen varias formas cómodas de conseguirlo. Me han dicho que darse un golpe en la cabeza con un objeto contundente funciona bastante bien. Probad a usar una de las novelas de fantasía de Brandon Sanderson. Son lo bastante grandes, y bien sabe el cielo que es lo único útil que se puede hacer con ellas.”
― Brandon Sanderson, Los huesos del escriba

“En términos sencillos, esta ley afirma que algunas cosas simplemente tienen que suceder. Si hay un botón rojo en una consola con las palabras «no pulsar» pegadas encima, alguien lo pulsará. Si hay una pistola colgando a la vista de todos sobre la chimenea de Chéjov, alguien acabará disparándola (seguramente apuntando a Nietzsche).”
― Brandon Sanderson, Los huesos del escriba

“Ahora tengo que reconocer una cosa: me inquieta mucho que hayáis decidido empezar por el segundo libro de la serie. Es una costumbre muy mala, peor incluso que la de llevar calcetines desparejados. De hecho, en la escala de malas costumbres, está en algún punto entre masticar con la boca abierta y soltar graznidos cuando tus amigos intentan estudiar (probad alguna vez, es muy divertido).”
― Brandon Sanderson, Los huesos del escriba