I Know I'm in There Somewhere Quotes

“I can’t tell you how many women have walked into my office trying to order themselves to get over their suffering. “Snap out of it!” they tell themselves. “Live with it.” “Deal with it.” “You made your bed, now lie in it.” “Count your blessings.” But if there’s one thing my therapy practice has taught me without a doubt, it is this: The army boot camp approach to yourself does not work. Not in the long run. The only thing that will end your distress and help you make lasting changes is compassion. Compassion”
― Helene Brenner, I Know I'm In There Somewhere

“Being reflective also means listening to your inner self with new ears. The truth is, we think we’ve heard our own story so much that we stop listening to it! We become like the people in our lives who we complain don’t listen to us. With reflection, we listen freshly to our selves, the way we would like to be listened to. There”
― Helene Brenner, I Know I'm In There Somewhere

“So your first reaction to being dissatisfied is to take one of two courses of action: Either to act like it’s fine, denying or minimizing your feelings of hurt or dissatisfaction to him and even more to yourself; or to get angry and accuse him of not wanting to give you what you want or need, while as much as possible not saying that you want or need it. Instead of saying, “I want to go out with you more often,” you say, “You never go out with me anymore!” or “If you loved me, you would take me out on a date once in a while!” Sometimes”
― Helene Brenner, I Know I'm In There Somewhere

“But in the same way that you can listen to a part of yourself without agreeing with it, you can listen to your partner, or indeed anyone, with compassion without giving up your own position. You gain both closeness and true power by acknowledging what someone else thinks and feels. An”
― Helene Brenner, I Know I'm In There Somewhere

“You literally want to welcome the times when you know he feels one way and you feel another, so you can practice holding on to what you feel and want anyway, and reaching to connect with him over the gulf between you. There”
― Helene Brenner, I Know I'm In There Somewhere

“The most important question of all, surprisingly, is not, “Do I love my partner?” It is, “Do I like the me that I am when I’m with him?” Do”
― Helene Brenner, I Know I'm In There Somewhere

“Evelyn’s example points to something I’ve seen often. Sometimes, wants have to be held and accepted for a very long time. We”
― Helene Brenner, I Know I'm In There Somewhere

“It goes back to women’s sensitivity to others and their desire to maintain connection at almost any cost. Often, women won’t even ask at all. They’ll “intuit” whether a request might cause somebody discomfort, hold themselves back from asking, and then secretly be angry at the person they haven’t asked for not being willing to give it to them! In”
― Helene Brenner, I Know I'm In There Somewhere

“Let’s say you secretly want a Mustang convertible. Maybe that just says you want more fun and carefreeness in your life. The idea is to accept all that you are, and not label parts of yourself ‘good’ or ‘bad.”
― Helene Brenner, I Know I'm In There Somewhere

“Disappointment is in fact a kind of grief—a reaction to the loss of something you desired. If you honor and gently hold the disappointment inside you, and at the same time keep yourself open to the wanting behind the disappointment, you’ll be able to weather your disappointments and keep going. Another”
― Helene Brenner, I Know I'm In There Somewhere

“If you actually want to have an impact on other people’s feelings and behavior, there is absolutely nothing more powerful, paradoxically, than fully listening to and accepting how they feel, and letting them know it.”
― Helene Brenner, I Know I'm In There Somewhere

“But feelings don’t shift unless they’re accepted exactly the way they are, neither more nor less. If they’re intense, they’re intense! Once they’re accepted, they’ll change into another form. But until then, they’ll stick around. Bonnie,”
― Helene Brenner, I Know I'm In There Somewhere

“Today, while the wound is still hurting, or while the fury is still seething, such happy talk only makes you feel alienated from the rest of humanity. Today, what you want is for others to respect, or even better, echo resoundingly with the truth of your present experience. One”
― Helene Brenner, I Know I'm In There Somewhere

“A person might say, for example, “I am scared because the world is a dangerous place” and therefore never stop being afraid, because the world’s not going to change. Feelings are always a mix of internal and external reality. If this person fully listened to her fear as a feeling inside her, not as a fact about the world, she’d become much clearer about what she was afraid of, and why, and what she could do about the fear.”
― Helene Brenner, I Know I'm In There Somewhere

“Women often suffer most not from the original source of pain, but from being told that it shouldn’t upset them so much. This leaves them fighting an exhausting inner battle to hide and “manage” their feelings around other people who want them to pretend to feel better, often because they can’t cope with seeing them in pain. Feelings”
― Helene Brenner, I Know I'm In There Somewhere

“Negate, minimize and suppress your feelings long enough, and you begin to lose yourself. Your ability to feel fully alive slips away, bit by bit. It”
― Helene Brenner, I Know I'm In There Somewhere

“So often, women tell me they are “confused.” But confusion usually isn’t all that confusing. Most of the time, it happens when someone you care about directly contradicts or invalidates what you know deep down to be true. Rather than risk losing the relationship, you give up your clarity—and get confused. Interestingly,”
― Helene Brenner, I Know I'm In There Somewhere

“The slumber of the “I” is at the root of most suffering.”
― Helene Brenner, I Know I'm In There Somewhere

“Making other people feel bad about themselves and their needs is a very powerful thing to do. Totally immoral, but powerful.”
― Helene Brenner, I Know I'm In There Somewhere

“Several studies have shown that spending as little as three minutes looking fashion magazines causes as many as 70 percent of women to feel depressed and guilty about their appearance. There”
― Helene Brenner, I Know I'm In There Somewhere

“When you’re inside yourself, you can feel happy, or angry, or terribly sad, or scared, or at peace. But whatever the feeling is, you feel “present.” You feel like your feelings are coming from you. When you’re caught in outside voices, however, you’re most likely feeling awful, enraged, tense, anxious, or numb, though at times they can also make you feel excited or “high.” But the difference is, the emotions feel like they’re happening to you,”
― Helene Brenner, I Know I'm In There Somewhere

“It’s as if the media is saying to teenage girls, “Remember all those kid TV shows you used to watch that told you you could be any way you want to be and become anything you want to become? We were just kidding. You can be a lawyer, a scientist, or whatever, but what’s most important is that you look gorgeous, act simpering, and fall in love with a confident, good-looking hunk.” A”
― Helene Brenner, I Know I'm In There Somewhere