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Chasing A Circus Chasing A Circus by Jahaira Telles
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“You knew what he was," Victor said. "From the beginning. I watched you know it. And you went in anyway. And you were hurt in exactly the way you knew you were going to be hurt." He paused. "I find that interesting."

I set down the pins I was holding.

Very carefully.

"What you find interesting," I said, "is that I did something self-destructive with full awareness. What you're not asking is why."

"I know why," he said.

"Do you?"

"Because knowing the ending doesn't protect you from wanting the middle." He said it the way he said everything — without heat, without judgment, a man reading a specimen note aloud. "You knew it would end badly and you wanted the part before badly, badly enough to accept the cost.”
Jahaira Telles, Chasing A Circus
“The most humiliating thing isn't being used. It's catching yourself being grateful for the parts of it that felt like attention.”
Jahaira Telles, Chasing A Circus