Stupid and Contagious Quotes

“Love is pretty much a decision anyway. Just like happiness. You can decide to either love someone or not, be happy or not. The rest is just commitment to the idea.”
― Caprice Crane, Stupid and Contagious

“Yesterday I had a woman ask me what kind of salad dressings we have. I told her we have sesame soy dressing, spicy lime vinaigrette, and blue cheese. She made a face and asked, 'Is that all?' 'Yes,' I told her, 'those are all of our dressings.' 'Don't you have any other dressings?' he says. I mean, what the hell? What does she think? That I'm holding out? I was tempted to say, "No, we actually have an entirely different assortment of dressings that I don't tell people about the first time they ask, because they don't deserve these great secret dressings. But now that you have proven your worth, I will show you to the VIP room, where the array of salad dressings will dazzle and delight you.”
― Caprice Crane, Stupid and Contagious

“All of my most significant moments somehow involved music. It's like my life was a John Hughes film and somebody had to put together the perfect soundtrack.”
― Caprice Crane, Stupid and Contagious

“People make changes in their life, and they blend and assimilate. They find a way to make it work. That's where I've always taken the wrong turn. By not taking a turn at all.”
― Caprice Crane, Stupid and Contagious

“Wendy warmed my heart, earned my trust, touched my soul, and then touched me in a lot of other places. And right after we'd slept together for the very first time she looked up at me with her chocolate-brown, trustworthy doe eyes and said, "I've got herpes. I thought you should know.”
― Caprice Crane, Stupid and Contagious

“Check her out. She‟s fuckin‟ hot.”
“Wedding band,” I say.
“She sings in one?"
“No, jackass. She's wearing one.”
― Caprice Crane, Stupid and Contagious

“you can have one of mine," he says. "i'll yank one out right now."
no, that won't count. It has to be the lash that naturally falls out. "

He gets on his knees and starts looking for my lash.”
― Caprice Crane, Stupid and Contagious

“Someone once said, People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. They forgot one other option: Some people come only to give us their contact information, let us know that we really need to get together sometime, and why don’t we give them a call?”
― Caprice Crane, Stupid and Contagious

“And it's not that Pearl Jam was any more amazing than anyone else. I think we just liked who we were when they were who they were.”
― Caprice Crane, Stupid and Contagious

“it's 4:21 am. He's gotta be done having mind-blowing-knock-your-dick-into-your-watch-pocket sex with her, and she's probably spooning with him right now. Ugh, it makes me sick. I'll bet he's in front, too, the dick. Anyone would know that Heaven is supposed to be the little spoon, but he's probably making her be the big spoon.”
― Caprice Crane, Stupid and Contagious

“That red spot!” she says with alarm.
“That’s a freckle!”
“It wasn’t there before...” she says as she inspects her entire arm.
“It’s cute.”
“It’s not cute.”
“Then it’s mine,” I say. “If you don’t like it, it’s mine. I’ll call it Brady.”
“My freckle?”
“Yes.”
“You’re naming my freckle after yourself?” she says. “And you think I have issues?”
“It’s like a star. People buy stars in the constellation and name them after people al the time. As gifts.”
“So then are you buying my freckle? Because I don’t know if you can afford my freckle. My freckles don’t come cheap, you know.”
“I’ve already claimed it,” I declare. “It’s not up for discussion anymore. Just eat your ice cream. And don’t spill any on Brady.”
― Caprice Crane, Stupid and Contagious

“When Nirvana came onto the scene, they pretty much saved music.”
― Caprice Crane, Stupid and Contagious

“I don’t know where she comes up with this stuff. Her mind... it’s like I’ve come upon this secret vault that science will someday discover — or probably never discover. Which is fine by me. Kind of like when there’s a band I really like but nobody knows about them. I want people I like to hear them, but when the whole world jumps on the bandwagon I get pissed. Because I found them first.
Unless, of course, it’s one of my bands... in which case the world is more than welcome to jump. But Heaven... I’d prefer it if nobody else jumps on her.”
― Caprice Crane, Stupid and Contagious

“Thank you,” she says and yanks the pull-tab off the soda can. She takes a big sip and aaahs. Then she takes the pull-tab and puts it on her ring finger like a wedding band. She holds her hand out and looks at it.
“Someday,” she says wistfully.
“Wow, a soda pop pull-tab ring. You’re easy. Most girls want their ring from Tiffany’s.”
“Well, I’m not most girls.”
She’s telling me?”
― Caprice Crane, Stupid and Contagious

“My dad says it’s because I haven’t met the right girl yet, but sometimes I think maybe I’ve met her five times already but ended up staring at her friend all night and asking her out, the one who would eventually steal eighty dollars out of my wallet to pay for a bikini wax, which I never got to see.”
― Caprice Crane, Stupid and Contagious