You're Not Crazy - You're Codependent. Quotes

“Becoming skilled at an early age not to feel, and learning to depend on distortional thinking to guide you through life will definitely leave you feeling crazy.”
― Jeanette Menter, You're Not Crazy - You're Codependent.

“Instead of a healthy environment where she is heard, acknowledged, nurtured, loved; she instead feels ignored, fearful, belittled and responsible for the adult’s well-being. In these families, spontaneity and laughter are replaced with rigidness, the inability to engage in honest communication, an abundance of secrets and a proliferation of rules – spoken and unspoken – that all work together to help everyone cope with the tension in the home. Individuals are often enmeshed, meaning they are too entangled in the other’s emotions. One person feels responsible for the other. Boundaries are often overlapping or nonexistent. Addiction is often involved, but not always. All of this negativity, hostility and emotional confusion make the child scared, insecure and eventually angry. It is a fact, however, that many people who are struggling with codependency are also saddled with addiction of some kind. The two are deeply intertwined in many cases. But this is not a universal scenario. If you are battling addiction, you most likely are also caught up in codependency and may not even know it yet.”
― Jeanette Elisabeth Menter, You're Not Crazy - You're Codependent.

“There are times when it becomes imperative to release a rage that shakes the skies...to let loose all the firepower one has.” – Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D.”
― Jeanette Menter, You're Not Crazy - You're Codependent.

“It can be the lack of interaction and lack of rules, consequences or overall involvement with the child. It can be accomplished very well by simply ignoring or not talking as a way of manipulating. When this is done without explanation it makes children crazy with guilt and fear because they don’t know what they did to deserve it or when it will happen again. Non-parenting (neglect for example) is a very lethal form of abuse. Sometimes it takes a little digging to realize you were subjected to this type of abuse because you may feel like it’s all in your head.”
― Jeanette Menter, You're Not Crazy - You're Codependent.

“Only the wounded physician heals... and then only to the extent he has healed himself.”–Carl Jung”
― Jeanette Menter, You're Not Crazy - You're Codependent.

“Who are you angry at? What did they do? Are they still doing it? How did their actions affect you? (Vital)”
― Jeanette Menter, You're Not Crazy - You're Codependent.

“It’s ok to be crazy,
just don’t let it drive you nuts.”– Jimmy Buffet”
― Jeanette Menter, You're Not Crazy - You're Codependent.

“Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.”
– Thich Nhat Hanh”
― Jeanette Menter, You're Not Crazy - You're Codependent.

“It’s not what you know, it’s what you’re willing to know you don’t know” which is revealed in mindfulness.”
― Jeanette Menter, You're Not Crazy - You're Codependent.

“Here is the truth that changed my life: when I understood I no longer needed to play by the dysfunctional, harsh rules I accepted as a child, I began the process of dismantling my false self. When I quit the never-ending battle of living to meet everyone else’s needs while ignoring my own, I no longer felt crazy. In other words, when I realized I was codependent, I took the first step to a better life. Freedom is on the other side of codependency. Keep walking.”
― Jeanette Menter, You're Not Crazy - You're Codependent.

“Emotional abuse-which is often done in the form of withholding love and affection - is an invisible but incredibly powerful weapon. All of it culminated in forming me into one thoroughly codependent person.”
― Jeanette Menter, You're Not Crazy - You're Codependent.

“Remember, abuse can be created by what is not done: the withholding of affection.”
― Jeanette Menter, You're Not Crazy - You're Codependent.

“Pay attention. Your miracle will come in bits and pieces, not in a Hollywood moment - if you don’t give up.”
― Jeanette Elisabeth Menter, You're Not Crazy - You're Codependent.

“Here is the truth that changed my life: when I understood I no longer needed to play by the harsh, distorted rules I had to accept as a child, I began the process of dismantling my false-self”
― Jeanette Elisabeth Menter, You're Not Crazy - You're Codependent.

“Instead of a healthy environment where he or she was heard, acknowledged, nurtured, and loved, they instead felt ignored, fearful, belittled and even responsible for the adult’s well-being. In these families, spontaneity and laughter are replaced with rigidness, the inability to engage in honest communication, an abundance of secrets and a proliferation of rules – spoken and unspoken – that all work together to help everyone cope with the tension in the home.”
― Jeanette Elisabeth Menter, You're Not Crazy - You're Codependent.

“Forgiving my mother was hard, but when dementia began stealing her from us bit by bit, day by day, it became a ridiculous notion to hold on to old hurts. I forgave her, over and over again. Forgiving my dad was easy when as an adult I saw what a sad, broken man he really was. It was the easiest act of mercy I have ever experienced. After decades of fuming at my ex, I finally decided to forgive him so I could be a happier person. I knew he wasn’t giving me a second thought, so why should I waste my limited energy on him? And that college guy, I just feel pity for him. These are all chapters of my old life that have nothing to do with who I am now. Forgiving was the key that opened the door to freedom.”
― Jeanette Elisabeth Menter, You're Not Crazy - You're Codependent.

“if it really wasn’t that bad, then why have you spent your life trying to get past the effects it had on you?”
― Jeanette Elisabeth Menter, You're Not Crazy - You're Codependent.

“Lost child - middle children or the youngest. They get the least amount of attention, especially in a family engulfed by chemical dependency. They are followers, not leaders. They engage in a lot of fantasy. May be loners and are not disruptive, so they often slip through the cracks at school and home. Later in life they often suffer with anxiety and depression. They are not risk takers and fear intimacy. Since they are almost invisible at home, they don’t cause problems.”
― Jeanette Elisabeth Menter, You're Not Crazy - You're Codependent.

“great”
― Jeanette Elisabeth Menter, You're Not Crazy - You're Codependent.

“Those can leave the biggest impressions on the psyche of a child, especially if the lack of interaction was involved. Remember what wasn’t there.”
― Jeanette Elisabeth Menter, You're Not Crazy - You're Codependent.

“Remember, you didn’t come into this world broken. You were made that way somewhere along the line.”
― Jeanette Elisabeth Menter, You're Not Crazy - You're Codependent.

“For years, I had no idea what I felt, who I was, or if what I was thinking was real or crazy. My false self had taken over and my authentic self had gone dormant. In short, I had disappeared. I simply took on the personality of those around me to fit in, often with negative results. In other words, my false self ran the show because my authentic self was cowering in a corner of my mind, too scared to talk.”
― Jeanette Elisabeth Menter, You're Not Crazy - You're Codependent.

“One guaranteed outcome of being codependent was that I continually sought out the same type of dysfunctional relationships, exactly as Dr. Levine pointed out. Doomed to repeat my behavior because I didn’t know any better and had zero confidence, I went from one unhealthy relationship, affair, friendship, and association to the next, all the while wondering why the same disastrous results kept occurring.”
― Jeanette Elisabeth Menter, You're Not Crazy - You're Codependent.

“there were plenty of physical brawls, too. It wasn’t the usual child getting beaten by the parent, but rather the child and adult going at it in ludicrous acts of rage. Surely, nothing could be more dysfunctional than an environment where this was permitted right under the nose of one’s mother. I was a skinny fifteen year old girl when it was acceptable for me to be the one between my mother and father. It added to the craziness and was just one more big secret to add to our family’s private collection of shame. What wasn’t there, over all, was a calm, loving home in which to grow up normally.”
― Jeanette Elisabeth Menter, You're Not Crazy - You're Codependent.

“What wasn’t there was empowerment at any level.”
― Jeanette Elisabeth Menter, You're Not Crazy - You're Codependent.

“Although I was always provided for –we always had three square meals a day and clean clothes; I never had the sense she or my father enjoyed having me around. Quite the opposite. What wasn’t there was a father to protect me and love me in a manner I could depend on. I was a nervous wreck because one day my dad was kissing me goodnight on the cheek and calling me ‘Queen’, the next he was spewing out hateful words like “You’re nothing, you’re no good, and you’re stupid.” In short, I felt crazy at an early age because I never knew from moment to moment, day to day what to expect. Minimum displays of affection were replaced with explosive bursts of rage when the drinking started.”
― Jeanette Elisabeth Menter, You're Not Crazy - You're Codependent.

“Emotional abuse-which is often done in the form of withholding love and affection - is an invisible but incredibly powerful weapon.”
― Jeanette Elisabeth Menter, You're Not Crazy - You're Codependent.

“Some of the minor traumas that he included also are found in dysfunctional homes, including being left alone, especially children or babies, and sudden loud noises, common in tumultuous environments.”
― Jeanette Elisabeth Menter, You're Not Crazy - You're Codependent.

“It can be accomplished very well by simply ignoring or not talking as a way of manipulating. When this is done without explanation it makes children crazy with guilt and fear because they don’t know what they did to deserve it or when it will happen again. Non-parenting (neglect for example) is a very lethal form of abuse. Sometimes it takes a little digging to realize you were subjected to this type of abuse because you may feel like it’s all in your head.”
― Jeanette Elisabeth Menter, You're Not Crazy - You're Codependent.

“Remember, abuse can be created by what is not done: the withholding of affection. It can be the lack of interaction and lack of rules, consequences or overall involvement with the child.”
― Jeanette Elisabeth Menter, You're Not Crazy - You're Codependent.