Hard to Hold on To Quotes

“You are my brother as surely as if we shared the same blood, and I will help you beat this thing however I can. However long it takes. Whatever backup you need. I am here.”
― Laura Kaye, Hard to Hold on To

“He dropped his arms on the bed and peered over at Jenna.
She lay on her side facing him, hand tucked under her chin, not looking the least bit settled or relaxed.
"Whatchu need?"
"You." She spoke the word without and hesitation, any doubt, any seeming self-consciousness.”
― Laura Kaye, Hard to Hold on To

“Son of a good goddamn holy motherfuck.”
― Laura Kaye, Hard to Hold on To

“[...] sometimes you gotta let someone else help you be strong before you can stand on your own.”
― Laura Kaye, Hard to Hold on To

“Jenna’s crying both gutted Easy and built him up—because she didn’t fear him. Instead, she’d turned to him for comfort.”
― Laura Kaye, Hard to Hold on To

“YOU WERE NEVER CREATED TO LIVE DEPRESSED, DEFEATED, GUILTY, CONDEMNED, ASHAMED OR UNWORTHY. YOU WERE CREATED TO BE VICTORIOUS.”
― Laura Kaye, Hard to Hold on To

“Not even a thing, Jenna. You need something and I have it to give, I will, every damn time. You hear me?”
― Laura Kaye, Hard to Hold on To

“Easy wasn’t sure how long he sat there holding her, he only knew that at some point the tremors in her body stopped, her hold loosened, and her breathing evened out. She’d fallen asleep. In his arms.

That she’d found solace in him—a man who had no solace for himself—was the sweetest fucking thing he could ever remember experiencing. And it made him feel strong in a way he hadn’t in what seemed like forever.”
― Laura Kaye, Hard to Hold on To

“Last bedroom on the right," Nick said with a smirk. "Might want to knock first."
Jeremy rolled his eyes. "Dude, you are so not one to talk right now."
Straight-faced, Nick popped Jeremy in the arm with a fist.
"Dude," Jeremy said, rubbing his arm. "Maybe you aren't doing it right 'cause sex is supposed to chill your ass out."
Easy managed a smile. "I really like your brother, Rix," Easy said, looking at Nick.”
― Laura Kaye, Hard to Hold on To

“Easy squeezed her hand and tugged her closer. She sucked in a breath, sure he was going to kiss her. He did. Just not how she'd thought. His lips pressed to her forehead, then he pulled back to look her in the eye. "I see a woman who's made me fell more alive in the past few days than I have in a long, long time.”
― Laura Kaye, Hard to Hold on To

“I’m sorry, but you didn’t make me promise not to worry.”

With a big sigh, Jenna said, “Okay, but after this, you have to promise that, too.”

“Deal,” Sara said, smirking.

After seeing how much and how violently Jenna had been sick not all that many hours ago, Easy was sympathetic to Sara’s worrying.“I’ll clean up this stuff and give you all some privacy,” he said, reaching for the tray.

“Thanks for getting dinner for us, Easy,” Jenna said. She looked at him with such gratitude and affection that it both set off a warm pressure in his chest and made him self-conscious—because he was acutely aware that Sara was observing them. She had to know that something was going on. Given how little he thought of himself sometimes, it wasn’t a big leap to imagine others would think the same. Just because Sara had seemed appreciative that he’d helped Jenna didn’t mean she’d approve of anything more.

“You know, you set off a milk-shake-making party,” Becca said.

Sara laughed. “Yeah. Shane made us shakes, then we took them over to the gym, and Nick was all jealous he didn’t have one.”

Grinning, Becca rolled her eyes. “Which was hilarious because he didn’t even know they owned a blender.”

Easy stood. “Well, I guess I’m glad I could provide such a valuable service.” He winked and looked at Jenna. “Need anything else while I’m downstairs?”

Smiling, she shook her head. “Don’t think so, but thanks.”

Easy made his way out of the room and back down to the Rixeys’, where he found all the guys in front of the big flat-screen TV—Nick and Marz kicking back in the recliners, Beckett and Shane sprawled on one couch, and Jeremy and Charlie on the other, with Eileen between them. It was dark in the room except for the flickering light of the screen.

A round of greetings rose to meet him.

“Sexual Chocolate!” Marz yelled over the others.

Easy couldn’t help but smile as his gaze settled on the television, where the classic Eddie Murphy movie Coming to America was playing. One of Easy’s all-time favorites. He placed the tray on the counter, then turned and held his hands out. “Good morning, my neighbors!” he said, mimicking one of the prince’s lines.

Right on cue, Marz said in a thick New York accent, “Hey, fuck you!”

Easy could quote this movie all day. “Yes, yes! Fuck you, too!”

The guys all chuckled, and Easy leaned his butt against the arm of the couch next to Jeremy and got sucked into the movie. Jeremy and Charlie made room for him, and it felt damn good to be with the guys. Not working, not stressed, not under fire. Just kicking back and shooting the shit.”
― Laura Kaye, Hard to Hold on To

“Easy squeezed her hand and tugged her closer. She sucked in a breath, sure he was going to kiss her. He did. Just not how she’d thought. His lips pressed to her forehead, then he pulled back to look her in the eye. “I see a woman who’s made me feel alive.”
― Laura Kaye, Hard to Hold on To

“Wriggling out of his grasp she braced herself on his shoulders and tried to stand. Next thing she knew, he had her around the legs and took her down to the mattress in some sort of super-fast ninja move. She screamed and laughed, and he was laughing every bit as hard as he came down on top of her. And, oh God, his laughter was a sweet and sexy rumble that lit her up inside.

“You fight dirty, Easy,” she said around her chuckles.

“I haven’t had this much fun in so long.”

She caressed his face with her fingers. “Me neither. Between overloading on classes and my epilepsy, I often feel like a little old lady trapped in the body of a twenty-year-old. All I need is some cats.”

“Cats are awesome,” he said. “When I was a kid, I used to sneak stray cats into the house, just for a night or two. I’d keep them in my room and bring up bowls of milk and cans of tuna for them.”

“Aw, you were a sweet little boy, weren’t you?” she asked, loving how he was opening up to her. The closeness, the sharing, the way his big body was lying on her legs and hips, leading him to prop his head up on her lower stomach—both her heart and her body reacted.

“Maybe for about five minutes.” He winked. “Mostly, I was a hell-raiser. Growing up, we didn’t live in the best neighborhood. Drug dealers on the corner, gang activity trying to pull in even the younger kids, crack house one block over. All that. Trouble wasn’t hard to find.” He shrugged. “Army straightened me out, though.”

“Well, we lived in a nice neighborhood growing up and here my father was the freaking drug dealer on the corner. Or close enough, anyway.” Jenna stared at the ceiling and shook her head. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to get serious.”

His thumb stroked along her side, sliding the cotton of her borrowed shirt against her skin in a way that almost tickled. “Don’t apologize. Our histories are what they are, you know?”

She nodded and gave him a little smile. “Yeah.”

Shifting off her, Easy stretched out alongside her and propped his head up on his arm. “I’m thirty, Jenna,” he said out of nowhere.

And he was telling her this because? He thought their age difference was too great? He thought she was too young? He was worried she would think he was too old? Probably D) all of the above. Thing was, all she saw when she looked at Easy was a guy she really freaking liked. One who’d saved her life, helped make her sister safe, and gave her a sense of security she hadn’t felt in years. He was hot as hell, easy to talk to, and one of the kindest guys she’d ever known. Maybe some of that was because he was older. Who knew?

“And I need to know this because?” she asked, resting her head on her arm.

The muscles of his shoulders lifted into a shrug, but his face was contemplative. “Because there’s clearly something going on between us.”

Heat rushed across her body. She held up a hand, and he laced his fingers between hers. “When I look at you, I don’t see a bunch of differences, Easy.”

“What do you see then?”

Warmth flooded into Jenna’s cheeks, and she chuckled. He’d said that she was beautiful, after all, so why couldn’t she give him a compliment in return? “A really hot guy I’d like to get to know more.”

A smug smile slipped onto his face, and she might’ve rolled her eyes if it weren’t so damn sexy. “Really hot, huh?”

“Well, kinda hot, anyway.”

“Nuh-uh,” he said, tugging her hand to his chest. “Can’t take it back now.”

Cheeks burning and big smile threatening, she rolled onto her side to face him.

They lay there, side by side, her chest almost touching his, looking at each other. Tension and desire and anticipation crackled in the space between them, making it hard to breathe.

“What do you see when you look at me?” she whispered, half-afraid to ask but even more curious to hear what he’d say. Did he mostly see someone who was too young for him? Or a needy girl he had to save and babysit?”
― Laura Kaye, Hard to Hold on To

“Slowly, carefully, she threaded her arms around his neck and hugged him. Under her touch, his muscles were rigid, bunched, braced. But then it was like he melted, and his arms came around her in return.

For a long moment, he held on tight, like she was his anchor. And then he pulled back enough to rest his forehead on her shoulder, the pain that had rolled off of him moments before replaced by a heavy weariness. She stroked the back of his head and neck, soft caresses meant to comfort. She loved holding this big man in her arms, loved knowing that maybe she wasn’t the only one in need of some comfort and protection and reassurance.

“Know what’ll make you feel better?” she said after a little while.

“You?”

Her heart literally panged in her chest at the sweetness of that single word. She kissed the side of his head, his super short hair tickling her lips. “Besides me.” Reaching out with her hand, she grabbed the milk-shake glass and her spoon. Easy sat up, an eyebrow arched as he looked between her and the ice cream. She scooped some onto the spoon and held it out to him. “Trust me.”

Skepticism plain on his face, he ate what she offered.

Jenna couldn’t keep from grinning at his lack of reaction. “You clearly need more. Here.”

He swallowed the second spoonful, too, but still wasn’t looking particularly better.

“This is a very serious case,” she said playfully. “Better make it a double this time.” The spoon nearly overflowed.

A smile played around the corners of Easy’s lips, and it filled her chest with a warm pressure. He ate it just before it dripped, humor creeping into his dark eyes.

“See? It’s working. I knew it.”

This time he stole the spoon right out of her fingers. “Problem is, you aren’t administering this medicine the proper way,” he said as he filled the spoon himself.

Jenna grinned again, happy to see lightness returning to his expression. “I’m not?”

“Nope,” he said, shaking his head. “This is what will really help.” He held the spoon up to her lips.

“How will me taking it—”

“No questioning. Just obeying.” There was that cocked eyebrow again.

“Oh, is that how it is?” she asked, smirking. When he just stared at her, she gave in and ate the ice cream.

Next thing she knew, his lips were on hers. Avoiding the cut on her lip, Easy’s cool tongue slowly snaked over her lips and stroked at her tongue. He grasped the back of her head as he kissed and nibbled at her. The rich flavor of the chocolate combined with another taste that was all Easy and made her moan in appreciation. His grip tightened, his tongue stroked deeper, and a throaty groan spilled from his lips.

One more soft press of his lips against hers, and he pulled away.

Jenna was nearly panting, and very definitely wanting more. “You’re right,” she said, “that is much more effective.”

He gave a rare, open smile, and it made her happy to see it after how sad he’d seemed a few minutes before. “Told ya,” he said with a wink.

She nodded. “But, you know, that could’ve been a fluke. Just to be sure it really worked, maybe you should, um, give me another dose?”

Easy looked at her a long moment, then leaned in and scooped another spoonful from her nearly empty glass. He held it out to her, making her heart flutter in anticipation. When she tilted her head toward the spoon, he yanked it away and ate the ice cream himself.

“No fair,” Jenna sputtered, reaching for the spoon. “That is not what the doctor prescribed.”

Holding the spoon above his head put it out of Jenna’s reach, even with them sitting on the bed. She pushed to her knees, grabbed hold of his shoulder, and lunged for it. Laughing, he banded an arm around her lower back and held her in place, easily avoiding her grabs.

Jenna couldn’t stop laughing as they wrestled for the spoon. It was stupid and silly and childish . . . and exactly what she needed. And it seemed he did, too. It was perfect.”
― Laura Kaye, Hard to Hold on To

“JENNA SMILED WHEN Easy walked into the bedroom, carrying what appeared to be half the refrigerator on a bowing cookie sheet. How much more sweet could he be?

He glanced between her and Sara like he was unsure what to do next. Jenna pulled the covers back so the surface would be flat and patted the bed next to her. “Put it anywhere.”

Easy set the makeshift tray down and rubbed a hand over his head. “I tried to think of things that would be gentle on your stomach,” he said in a low voice. “But if you want something different—”

“No, this looks perfect.” Her gaze settled on a tall glass of . . . She gasped. “You made me a milk shake?”

At that, Sara patted her on the knee. “Okay, I’m gonna go. Let me know if you need anything?”

“Oh, uh, Shane was making you all something to eat,” Easy said.

Sara smiled. “Good timing. This is making me hungry,” she said, gesturing to the tray.

Jenna grabbed up the milk shake and hugged the glass against her chest. “Get your own.”

Holding up her hands in surrender, Sara smiled. “All yours. Besides, Nick and Jeremy have the world’s biggest sweet tooths. There’s an endless supply of ice cream downstairs. I’m not even joking. So there’s more where that came from.” She squeezed Easy’s arm. “You know where to find me if you need me,” she said.

And then they were alone.

Jenna was glad. Not because having Easy here warded off her panic and fear but because she just wanted to be with him.

She fished a spoon out from between two plates and took a taste of her treat. Freaking heaven. “Oh, my God,” she said, scooping another big bite. “This is so good. I can’t believe you made me a milk shake.” Even when her father had been alive, no one was really taking care of Jenna. So maybe Easy’s thoughtfulness wouldn’t have been so earthshaking to someone else, but to her, it meant everything. She peered up at him, which made her realize he was still standing. Crisscrossing her legs, she pointed at the foot of the bed. “Come sit down. Some of this has to be for you, right?”

“Yeah,” Easy said. “You sure this is okay?”

“It’s great, really. I can’t even remember the last time I ate, so this is like filet mignon and Maine lobster rolled into one. Seriously.” She exchanged the milk shake for the bowl of soup, and the warm, salty broth tasted every bit as good.

They ate in companionable silence for a while, then he asked, “So, what are you studying in school?”

“International business,” Jenna said around a spoonful of soup. “I always wanted to travel.” And, to put it more plainly, she’d always wanted to get the hell out of here.

“Sounds ambitious,” Easy said. “Did you have to learn languages?”

Jenna nodded. “I minored in Spanish, and I’ve taken some French, too. What I’d really like to learn is Chinese since there are so many new markets opening up there. But I’ve heard it’s really hard. Do you speak any other languages?”

Wiping his mouth with a napkin, Easy nodded. “Hablo español, árabe, y Dari.”

Grinning, Jenna reached for her bagel. She’d thought him hard to resist just being his usual sexy, thoughtful, protective self. If he was going to throw speaking to her in a foreign language into the mix, she’d be a goner. “What is Dari?”

“One of the main languages in Afghanistan,” he said.

“Oh. Guess that makes sense. Are Arabic and Dari hard to learn?”

“Yeah. Where I grew up in Philly, there were a lot of Hispanic kids, so Spanish was like a second language. But coming to languages as an adult about kicked my ass. Cultural training is a big part of Special Forces training, though. We’re not out there just trying to win battles, but hearts and minds, too. . .” He frowned. “Or, we were, anyway.”
― Laura Kaye, Hard to Hold on To

“Opening the freezer, Easy smiled. God bless the Rixeys’ ice-cream addiction. There were so many containers, it seemed entirely plausible that they’d robbed an ice-cream delivery truck. He sorted through the tubs until he found a container of chocolate.

Bingo.

Next, he grabbed the milk from the fridge. And then he opened a bunch of cabinets until he found a blender at the back of one of them. The layer of dust on its surfaces told of how long it had gone unused. He rinsed and wiped it off, then brought the detachable pitcher to the other counter, where the ice cream lay waiting.

Shane’s expression was two seconds away from amused.

“Not a word, McCallan.”

He held up his hands and shook his head, but he couldn’t hold back the smile. Fucker.

Scoop, scoop, scoop, milk. Lid on, Easy placed the container on the blender and hit mix. Two minutes later, he had something approximating a very thick milk shake. He spooned it into a glass, then gathered the bagel and soup. Next he built his sandwich, sneaking pieces of beef and cheese as he worked.

“Damn, that looks good,” Shane said, pushing off the stool and grabbing a plate for himself. “Think I’ll make some food for me and Sara, too.”

Easy suddenly felt less self-conscious with Shane making food for his woman, too.

Whoa. He froze with a piece of rye bread in his hand. Jenna was not his woman.

But maybe she could be.

Slapping the bread on top of the lettuce, Easy’s thoughts spun—he came up with lots of reasons why it probably wasn’t a good idea, but that didn’t make him want it any less.

Mid-sandwich-making, Shane spoke in low, even tones. “We don’t have to do that thing where I tell you to handle Jenna with care if you’re thinking of starting something with her, do we?”

For. Fuck. Sake.

Not that Easy was particularly surprised by the question. Hadn’t he been half expecting it? And, his brain noted with interest, it wasn’t a warning off.

“Nope.”

“I didn’t think so,” Shane said in that same casual, even tone. “I see how protective you are of her, Easy, and I’m glad for that. I know you’ll treat her right, so I’m not saying a thing about it, except handle with care.”

Nodding, Easy concentrated on making the floor stand still under his feet. “I like her, Shane,” he finally said, echoing the conversation he and Shane had had a few nights ago about Shane’s growing feelings for Sara. And, well, hi, how ya doin’, Mr. Hypocrite, Easy had told Shane he had to come clean with the team. Despite the fact that Easy hadn’t done so himself. Still.

“Yeah,” Shane said, clapping him on the back of the neck and squeezing. “I know.” Wow.

From the thin cabinet next to the oven Easy retrieved a baking sheet to use as a tray. Improvisation he could do. He loaded it down with everything he thought they’d need, lifted it into his arms and then he was all about getting back to Jenna.”
― Laura Kaye, Hard to Hold on To

“Author’s Note Writing about a suicidal character is one of the most challenging things I’ve ever done, but also one of the most important. Suicide is always tragic, but it has become an epidemic among American active-duty service members and veterans alike. The statistics are staggering and heart-wrenching. In the U.S. Army, which has the highest suicide rate among the branches (48.7 percent of all military suicides in 2012), the suicide rate in 2012 was thirty per hundred thousand, compared with fourteen per hundred thousand among civilians and eighteen per hundred thousand in 2008. In 2012, 841 active-duty service members attempted or committed suicide. Among veterans, as of November 2013, twenty-two committed suicide every day. Every. Day. A frightening 30 percent of veterans say they’ve considered suicide, and 45 percent say they know an Iraq or Afghanistan veteran who has attempted or committed suicide. In a study of veterans, combat-related guilt was the most significant predictor of suicide attempts and of preoccupation with suicide after discharge. Veterans’ suicidal thoughts are also related to feelings that one does not belong with other people or has become a burden. Couple these sad realities with the fact that veterans are less likely to seek care than active-duty military or civilians, and you begin to understand why statistics like these exist. Suicide is a process that begins with ideas and thoughts, followed by planning, and finally followed by a suicidal act. If you or someone you love is experiencing these thoughts, please seek immediate medical help or call the Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 (TALK). This service works with civilians of all ages, active-duty military, and veterans. I hope Easy’s story raises awareness of the problems these brave men and women—and our country as a whole—face. But awareness is not enough. Therefore, I will be donating all of my proceeds from the first two weeks’ sales of this book (8/19/14 – 9/1/14) to a national non-profit that assists wounded veterans. Because I don’t want anyone else’s Edward “Easy” Cantrell to be one of the twenty-two, either.”
― Laura Kaye, Hard to Hold on To

“I’m gonna come, Jenna. Because of you. Make me feel so fucking good.”

She moaned, adoring the desire and need straining his words. “I wanna feel it,” she said.

“Oh, baby, right now,” he said. His hips crashed into hers once, twice, three times more, and he cried out. “Oh, fuck, Jenna.”
― Laura Kaye, Hard to Hold on To