My love can only occupy one person at a time Quotes

“When red fights with white, pink is always the winner. Let that be a lesson in love.”
― Jarod Kintz, My love can only occupy one person at a time

“My ashtray is full, the carton of cigarettes is empty, and I just cremated grandpa. But I never inhaled—or told him I loved him.”
― Jarod Kintz, My love can only occupy one person at a time

“They should make bubblegum that tastes like mashed potatoes. You know, for lovers.”
― Jarod Kintz, My love can only occupy one person at a time

“With friends like me, who needs mannequins? My love for you is statuesque. Come, let us dance like we’re made of stone.”
― Jarod Kintz, My love can only occupy one person at a time

“We got into an argument over the color of love. I said it was pink, and he said it was red. So you see, I had no other choice but to stab him.”
― Jarod Kintz, My love can only occupy one person at a time

“My love is as Swift as Taylor. You’d better shoot it down before it flies away.
”
― Jarod Kintz, My love can only occupy one person at a time

“I cried at the funeral. It wasn’t because I loved her, it was because I was there, in the front pew at the church, chopping onions.”
― Jarod Kintz, My love can only occupy one person at a time

“The best birthday present is an empty box. Smile, it contains all my love for you.”
― Jarod Kintz, My love can only occupy one person at a time

“I am the Love Cactus. Make desert to me.”
― Jarod Kintz, My love can only occupy one person at a time

“Love says hello, and hate says goodbye. Your mom also says hello.”
― Jarod Kintz, My love can only occupy one person at a time

“My voice is raspy, like Rasputin’s beard. My love is like a mustache hidden in a patch of armpit hair. Come, feel what I feel for you.”
― Jarod Kintz, My love can only occupy one person at a time

“I make sleep like I make love, only with more energy and excitement.”
― Jarod Kintz, My love can only occupy one person at a time

“When I hear someone’s sick, my first thought is selfishly, Better him than me. My second thought is more altruistic: Better him than one of my loved ones.”
― Jarod Kintz, My love can only occupy one person at a time

“She was a pretty good lover. Too bad she wasn’t pretty and good.”
― Jarod Kintz, My love can only occupy one person at a time

“My gas tank is empty, and my stomach is empty, but my heart if full—of love. However, per gallon, I think I paid too much.”
― Jarod Kintz, My love can only occupy one person at a time

“If I were to list all the positive attributes about Ryan Lilly, I’d run out of superior adjectives to use. I mean seriously, how big do you think my vocabulary is? I only know about a hundred million words, and with that small of a sample size, how could I accurately describe someone as great as Ryan? Ryan is the most amazing guy I’ve ever met. Seriously, I’m insanely jealous and I just want to stab him. But I won’t, because everybody loves Ryan, including me. Ryan is a big inspiration in my life. Not only is Ryan fiercely intelligent—on the level of Newton, da Vinci, and Nietzsche’s mustache—but he is the most open, honest, and understanding guy I’ve ever met. He’s the kind of guy who’d give you the shirt off his back if you asked. I know, because I’m wearing his shirt now. If you don’t know who Ryan Lilly is, you soon will. He’ll probably be one of the most talked about people in history, and just the other day I came across this quote from Pliny (I don’t know how old Pliny is, so I don’t know if it was Pliny the Older or Pliny the Younger) which said, “Everything good I have written about can be summed up in two words: Ryan Lilly.” That’s a real quote I read in a real book. Trust me, I’m a writer.”
― Jarod Kintz, My love can only occupy one person at a time

“The earth has lots of love to give, if you just know where to dig. My advice is start in the cemetery.”
― Jarod Kintz, My love can only occupy one person at a time

“My lawn has brown spots. They’re not dead patches, they’re piles of poop.
 When you walk on the grass, try not to step in my love for you.”
― Jarod Kintz, My love can only occupy one person at a time

“I can make love for hours, give or take 117 minutes.”
― Jarod Kintz, My love can only occupy one person at a time

“I’m a murderer. I killed the conversation. She said she loved me, and I said, “If you love me, wait until you meet my clone!”
― Jarod Kintz, My love can only occupy one person at a time