Join Me! Quotes

“The sad thing is, I was discovering that you almost have to make a joke of being good to strangers. Up and down the country, these people doing their good deeds were doubtless being seen as slightly eccentric, when in reality and in an ideal world they should be deemed the most normal people of all.”
― Danny Wallace, Join Me!

“And before any Christian readers get all offended - relax. I'm not saying that I'm the new Jesus. I'm just saying there's a very good chance that I might be.”
― Danny Wallace, Join Me!

“The words 'mainly in America' translated to me as 'this is bollocks' and I sat back in my chair with a sigh.”
― Danny Wallace, Join Me!

“The pub, Ian. Today. Be there.’
And I slammed my phone down, dramatically.
And then I realized what I’d done and rang him back and told him which pub and at what time, and he said could we make it a bit later, and I said okay, and he said bye and so did I.
It was just like in a film.”
― Danny Wallace, Join Me!

“There’s honour amongst the myopic. You can trust us. We’re honest about our disability – not like people who wear contact lenses, the deceitful bastards.”
― Danny Wallace, Join Me!

“I apologize. I feel I’ve let you down somehow with my tales of reasonable and efficient travel. I’m sure if I’d been Bill Bryson my taxi driver would have told me a funny story, or something. I’m afraid mine simply listened to the BBC London and was outraged by everything the presenter was saying. He did spit when he talked, though, if that’s any use to you.”
― Danny Wallace, Join Me!

“Please understand: I wear glasses. This was no place for a man with glasses.”
― Danny Wallace, Join Me!

“I rapped on the door. By which I mean I knocked on it, not that I did a little MC-ing. But if I had’ve done a little MC-ing, it would’ve been quite angry stuff, like NWA when they’re on about the Rodney King incident. Only I’d have made it less about police brutality and more about old Devon men ripping young folk off with their made-up stories of broken down cars. And there I think you’ll find the main difference between British and American crime.”
― Danny Wallace, Join Me!

“Hello?’ said the taxi driver, and I realized that it’s all very well having an internal monologue, but it does tend to leave the other person a bit stranded, conversationally.”
― Danny Wallace, Join Me!

“It’s just a bit annoying when a man you’ve only just met thinks you’re planning to assassinate a world leader. It puts a downer on your whole day. You start wondering who else people think you’re secretly planning to kill.”
― Danny Wallace, Join Me!

“Authority figures do that to me… Put someone slightly taller than me in a hat and I’ll do whatever they ask.”
― Danny Wallace, Join Me!

“I lay, shamefaced and embarrassed, in my bed. Which is a deeply unusual place for me to feel shamefaced and embarrassed, and anyone who says otherwise is a bloody liar.”
― Danny Wallace, Join Me!

“It was 8am. My phone was ringing. What kind of society do we live in where someone can make your phone ring at 8am? There should be rules.”
― Danny Wallace, Join Me!

“It’s exciting for a boy to have a project. For one thing, it makes you start thinking of stationary, and we all know how exciting that can be… But there’s something about buying a new ringbinder that really makes me feel like a grownup. That said, I don’t actually own any.”
― Danny Wallace, Join Me!

“We supped at our pints, imagining a whale fighting a giant squid, probably just as thousands of other men in pubs across the land were doing at that moment.”
― Danny Wallace, Join Me!

“I grabbed my coat. We were off.
Well, I grabbed my coat, waited the best part of an hour for Hanne to choose between one pair of black trousers and another virtually identical pair, had a cup of tea, approved the trousers, and then we were off.”
― Danny Wallace, Join Me!