I Just Want to Pee Alone Quotes

“From the moment I was first pregnant, and those around me insisted that treats such as cold cuts and nail polish could cut my unborn child's potential IQ in half, I got into the habit of NOT seeking out the little things that brought me joy. Like soft cheese. And getting too close to a Starbucks.

Then my son came, and I was too busy crying while searching for his User Manual to consider a manicure or massage.

I lasted about a week as a new mom before reaching out to others in my situation online. As exhausted, cranky, and confused as I was, I needed friends.

It didn't take long for this gaggle of desperate, sleepless women to meet up in person...”
― Kim Bongiorno, I Just Want to Pee Alone: A Collection of Humorous Essays by Kick Ass Mom Bloggers

“soon got over it when I first soloed at the market. The clouds parted, the sun shone through and I believe angels sang through the store speakers when those glass doors first parted.”
― Stacey Hatton, I Just Want to Pee Alone: A Collection of Humorous Essays by Kick Ass Mom Bloggers

“To be blunt, that is my feeling about birth control. After four vaginal births, my vagina would like to retire.”
― Stacey Hatton, I Just Want to Pee Alone: A Collection of Humorous Essays by Kick Ass Mom Bloggers

“Snarkastic”
― Stacey Hatton, I Just Want to Pee Alone: A Collection of Humorous Essays by Kick Ass Mom Bloggers

“But they will also love you no matter what. Even if you yell at them. Even if you spank them. Even if you say “no” to the cookies. They will love you even if you cry, look like hell, and accidentally eat some of their poop.”
― Stacey Hatton, I Just Want to Pee Alone: A Collection of Humorous Essays by Kick Ass Mom Bloggers

“With four kids under the age of nine, two of them twins, she lives by the motto: All of my kids are still breathing. Award, please.”
― Stacey Hatton, I Just Want to Pee Alone: A Collection of Humorous Essays by Kick Ass Mom Bloggers

“That experience made it very clear that pregnancy wasn't all sitting in a rocking chair gazing out the window, or letting people make comments like, "You're glowing!" and "Look at you! All belly!" I was a mess. I puked for months, I peed my pants more than once, and on the day of my baby shower, I peed my pants while puking.”
― Stacey Hatton, I Just Want to Pee Alone: A Collection of Humorous Essays by Kick Ass Mom Bloggers

“In my 20s, I was busy cultivating a rich sex life, one that I thought would be mine for ever, maturing like a fine wine, instead of rotting like an egg salad sandwich left in the sun.”
― Stacey Hatton, I Just Want to Pee Alone: A Collection of Humorous Essays by Kick Ass Mom Bloggers

“Sometimes it's just best not to be home alone with a child who was seemingly sent to this earth for the sole purpose of finding your breaking point.”
― Stacey Hatton, I Just Want to Pee Alone: A Collection of Humorous Essays by Kick Ass Mom Bloggers

“But there is a key to handling everything from accidentally eating a blob of poop off your hand that in the sleepless, zombie-like state of new mommyhood, you thought was chocolate, all the way to experiencing the wrath of the check out lady at Target who looks like she seriously wants to kick your ass because your child just told her that he has a sister (which he doesn't) that you keep locked in the attic (which you don't). That key is humor.”
― Stacey Hatton, I Just Want to Pee Alone: A Collection of Humorous Essays by Kick Ass Mom Bloggers

“waiting on pins and needles to see how their human subject is going to react in the latest edition of an ongoing experiment called, "How much can one human mother take until she totally and completely loses her shit?”
― Stacey Hatton, I Just Want to Pee Alone: A Collection of Humorous Essays by Kick Ass Mom Bloggers

“This is one of the many odd and unexpected little situations where you kinda find out who you are as a mother. Will you collapse onto the parking lot in the fetal position and cry for the days when you had perky boobs, bladder control, and alone time? Or will you laugh because you see the funny in being a spaced out, overwhelmed, mess?”
― Stacey Hatton, I Just Want to Pee Alone: A Collection of Humorous Essays by Kick Ass Mom Bloggers

“And I too have been bamboozled by a tyrannical toddler with the ego of Charlie Sheen and the temper of The Hulk. I am constantly so derailed I think my "give a shit" is now permanently broken.”
― Stacey Hatton, I Just Want to Pee Alone: A Collection of Humorous Essays by Kick Ass Mom Bloggers

“Your hormones after giving birth go batshit crazy. Mama Bear rage is potent and real.”
― Stacey Hatton, I Just Want to Pee Alone: A Collection of Humorous Essays by Kick Ass Mom Bloggers

“I think many of us with young kids hide behind that excuse because quite honestly, it takes a lot less effort to just hang out on the fluffy couch in our loungewear and fuzzy socks, hair in a ponytail, and yesterday's makeup smudged under our eyes than getting ready to go out. It's true. Everything takes effort now.”
― Stacey Hatton, I Just Want to Pee Alone: A Collection of Humorous Essays by Kick Ass Mom Bloggers