Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy For Dummies Quotes

“Emotion is the glue in romantic relationships.”
― Brent A. Bradley, Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy For Dummies

“If you boil attachment security down to one question, the bottom line is: “Can I depend on you when I need you?” The answer isn’t just about what your partner intends — it’s about what your partner delivers.”
― Brent A. Bradley, Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy For Dummies

“An attachment bond provides a “felt sense of security.” It’s something you know in your bones. You must be able to experience a confidence that your partner will be there if you’re in need and know that he or she will respond specifically to you.”
― Brent A. Bradley, Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy For Dummies

“The experience of more adaptive (or positive) emotions tends to push out more problematic (or negative) emotions because the two experiences won’t work together. You can’t frown and smile at the same time — they’re incompatible. In EFT, emotion is a key ingredient and agent of change.”
― Brent A. Bradley, Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy For Dummies

“In moments like these, Robert freezes up. He describes being flooded with Candice’s intensity and anger. All he remembers in the moment is the angry look on her face, and then he shuts down. His experience tells him that it’s best to ride out the storm. Stay quiet and say little. “This storm will pass,” he says to himself. Inside, Robert has little sense for what he’s feeling other than admitting that these kinds of situations make him feel bad about himself and his marriage.”
― Brent A. Bradley, Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy For Dummies

“We aren’t talking about blindly trusting any emotion you have. By asking you to trust your emotions, we mean for you to tune into your emotional experience — and use that emotional experience as a source of information and a way of paying attention to the reactions you have in the moment.”
― Brent A. Bradley, Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy For Dummies

“Attack back. Hey, he’s only human! Mary forgets things, too. In fact, last month, she forgot to pick up that thing at the store that he asked her to pick up. That was important to him. Maybe she needs to back off a little and stop nagging him about everything. This option throws Mary off track, and lessens the direct heat on Mason. But it also creates a wider divide between them than the preceding two options. If Mason goes with this option, he’s looking at a day or two of extreme awkwardness and even silence in the home. That gets exhausting. Take it mostly in silence. In his mind, Mason has been nailed. He messed up again, and he knows it. What’s he supposed to do now? Mason doesn’t have a clue. To him, all roads lead to Mary being more disappointed in him. So, although he feels terrible inside, he goes quiet in the hopes that it’ll all blow over as soon as possible. The problem is, this signals to Mary that Mason doesn’t care.”
― Brent A. Bradley, Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy For Dummies

“I can’t believe you forgot again!” Mary shouts at Mason. Right then and there, she mobilizes around her anger. She inadvertently pushes her hurt as far away as her anger will take it. “How many times do I have to tell you that this is important to me?!” Mason is confronted with what he sees as the following viable options: Admit his mistake and apologize. This option sounds good, but Mason knows that he has gone this route many times before, and although it used to be helpful, it doesn’t turn out well anymore. Mary only gets more upset with him. She isn’t ready to hear his apologies. Downplay the importance. Mason has been really busy at work — and he’s working for the family! He could stress this, and say that it’s impossible to remember everything. “C’mon, gimme a break. Is it that big of a deal?” Mason knows that this approach usually makes Mary angrier.”
― Brent A. Bradley, Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy For Dummies

“You can’t share an emotional experience you don’t understand. Accessing feelings brings you a step closer to using emotions more effectively in your relationship.”
― Brent A. Bradley, Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy For Dummies

“Venting how you feel may make you look like a fool. And you may get in a cycle of pushing your loved ones away from you. No one wants to be around someone who bursts out with anger. If you’re quick to vent, you miss important information that your emotions have for you. You steamroll right into another gear. Instead, what you need to do is downshift and listen for the real meaning underneath the anger. You may have never heard of emotions as giving you key information. But they’re there, trying to get your attention.”
― Brent A. Bradley, Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy For Dummies

“Brian sees Jackie walk in and says loudly, “About time you got here. Ashley has already torn up three rooms! There are toys all over the floor, dishes everywhere, just a big mess. I can’t keep up with her!” Brian has just dumped a load of his emotional reactions. In rapid response to this, Jackie’s brain is activating circuits of those very same distressing emotions. She’s being pulled to respond from her own secondary emotion because her mirror neurons are taking on the experience of Brian’s secondary emotional state.”
― Brent A. Bradley, Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy For Dummies

“Emotion is not the opposite of reason. Instead, emotion provides information that reason can use. You make better decisions when you’re able to work with your emotional experience and use it in your responses and decisions as a couple. Emotion and reason work hand in hand. Increasing”
― Brent A. Bradley, Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy For Dummies

“You can think about emotions as the signals that communicate with your mind, body, and social world. These signals carry important information about everything from love to survival.”
― Brent Bradley, Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy For Dummies