Who Deserves Your Love Quotes

“Most people are shocked to realize that people-pleasing isn’t about other people’s comfort—it’s about your own. It’s about your sense of self being so determined by the opinions and feelings of others that you must manage those things by contorting yourself around the needs of others.”
― K.C. Davis, Who Deserves Your Love: How to Create Boundaries to Start, Strengthen, or End Any Relationship

“We cannot be everything to everyone, or even to everyone we are close to.”
― K.C. Davis, Who Deserves Your Love: How to Create Boundaries to Start, Strengthen, or End Any Relationship

“One of the greatest challenges with drawing boundaries is becoming comfortable with being misunderstood.”
― K.C. Davis, Who Deserves Your Love: How to Create Boundaries to Start, Strengthen, or End Any Relationship

“Real boundaries aren’t about what you say or do—they are internal. They provide a sense of where I end and you begin—what’s my responsibility and what’s not.”
― K.C. Davis, Who Deserves Your Love: How to Create Boundaries to Start, Strengthen, or End Any Relationship

“Boundaries are the opposite of control.”
― K.C. Davis, Who Deserves Your Love: How to Create Boundaries to Start, Strengthen, or End Any Relationship

“It’s reasonable to expect people you are in relationships with to care about your pain, even when they aren’t doing anything “wrong.”
― K.C. Davis, Who Deserves Your Love: How to Create Boundaries to Start, Strengthen, or End Any Relationship

“Just because you understand where someone is coming from, doesn’t mean you approve of where they’re going.”
― K.C. Davis, Who Deserves Your Love: How to Create Boundaries to Start, Strengthen, or End Any Relationship

“blame does not go to one person alone, but rather that two people are in a system. They act in relation to each other. The enemy is not each other but the dynamic that is triggered between them.”
― K.C. Davis, Who Deserves Your Love: How to Create Boundaries to Start, Strengthen, or End Any Relationship

“There are just two imperfect people activating each other’s sensitivities and making emotional decisions.”
― K.C. Davis, Who Deserves Your Love: How to Create Boundaries to Start, Strengthen, or End Any Relationship

“Overfunctioning isn’t about other people but about a lack of internal boundaries. Overfunctioning can manifest in all kinds of behavior, including people-pleasing and enabling, which require a hard look at our own side of the responsibilities chart.”
― K.C. Davis, Who Deserves Your Love: How to Create Boundaries to Start, Strengthen, or End Any Relationship

“Codependency" is a pop-psychology term that often finds itself in these types of books. But it won't be in this one. That's because codependency often implies that there's a problem in being emotionally dependent on others. Some people then mistakenly believe that true emotional health only occurs when you achieve the Zen-like state of unattachment, as though you need to be able to meet all your own emotional needs yourself.
This is crap. You are a social creature and you need relationships to survive, and you thrive in a state of interdependence. While you are not responsible for meeting every emotional need of another person, you do have some responsibilities to others, as they do to you. This book will help you identify which responsibilities are reasonable to meet and which are reasonable to expect. This understanding will be rooted in your own values - not in the demands of others.”
― K.C. Davis, Who Deserves Your Love: How to Create Boundaries to Start, Strengthen, or End Any Relationship

“She paused before speaking again. “Your father’s responsibility to be the person you needed emotionally when you were a child ended when your childhood did,” she said. “I know it’s not fair—I know you deserved better. But you can’t keep coming back to your father now that you are an adult, expecting him to give you the emotional support you never received—emotional support he isn’t capable of right now. You keep going back to an empty well, hoping that there will be something to drink. But the responsibility to heal is now on you.” As painful as this was to hear, it was also incredibly freeing. I had autonomy. I was not reliant on a broken man to change my life. I could heal whether or not my father chose to. I was only a hostage to my childhood if I decided to be. I realized that I could reframe my own story: The story could now be that I had a father who was imperfect and who harmed me but who still loved me. Deeply. He always had.”
― K.C. Davis, Who Deserves Your Love: How to Create Boundaries to Start, Strengthen, or End Any Relationship

“break down behavioral change into three variables: willingness, capability, and skills.”
― K.C. Davis, Who Deserves Your Love: How to Create Boundaries to Start, Strengthen, or End Any Relationship

“The new story doesn’t let her off the hook. You aren’t saying that her behavior is acceptable or that you aren’t allowed to stand up for yourself. Nor are you obligated to heal her or be delicate with her. Instead, the goal is to stop making yourself the subject of her story. This helps to prevent your own insecurities from being activated by hers. You are adopting a new story that removes you from the center of the narrative.”
― K.C. Davis, Who Deserves Your Love: How to Create Boundaries to Start, Strengthen, or End Any Relationship

“Understandable behavior and acceptable behavior are not the same thing.”
― K.C. Davis, Who Deserves Your Love: How to Create Boundaries to Start, Strengthen, or End Any Relationship

“To be human is to be wounded.”
― K.C. Davis, Who Deserves Your Love: How to Create Boundaries to Start, Strengthen, or End Any Relationship

“A key part of slowing down this cycle is to learn how to question the story you tell yourself because of your sensitivities.”
― K.C. Davis, Who Deserves Your Love: How to Create Boundaries to Start, Strengthen, or End Any Relationship

“Stop thinking of behaviors as only being good/bad, right/wrong, healthy/unhealthy. Instead, think of all coping behaviors as having a unique cost-benefit analysis.”
― K.C. Davis, Who Deserves Your Love: How to Create Boundaries to Start, Strengthen, or End Any Relationship

“In a good relationship: The good times are really good, And the bad times are safe.”
― K.C. Davis, Who Deserves Your Love: How to Create Boundaries to Start, Strengthen, or End Any Relationship

“Your father’s responsibility to be the person you needed emotionally when you were a child ended when your childhood did,” she said. “I know it’s not fair—I know you deserved better. But you can’t keep coming back to your father now that you are an adult, expecting him to give you the emotional support you never received—emotional support he isn’t capable of right now. You keep going back to an empty well, hoping that there will be something to drink. But the responsibility to heal is now on you.”
― K.C. Davis, Who Deserves Your Love: How to Create Boundaries to Start, Strengthen, or End Any Relationship

“When you experience a pervasive lack of psychological safety in childhood, you learn to hide, suppress, or despise the most vulnerable pieces of yourself because they will be weaponized against you. You hide them to protect yourself, but, in doing so, you ensure that you never get the opportunity to prove the story wrong.”
― K.C. Davis, Who Deserves Your Love: How to Create Boundaries to Start, Strengthen, or End Any Relationship

“KC Davis > Quotes > Quotable Quote


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“Codependency" is a pop-psychology term that often finds itself in these types of books. But it won't be in this one. That's because codependency often implies that there's a problem in being emotionally dependent on others. Some people then mistakenly believe that true emotional health only occurs when you achieve the Zen-like state of unattachment, as though you need to be able to meet all your own emotional needs yourself.
This is crap. You are a social creature and you need relationships to survive, and you thrive in a state of interdependence. While you are not responsible for meeting every emotional need of another person, you do have some responsibilities to others, as they do to you. This book will help you identify which responsibilities are reasonable to meet and which are reasonable to expect. This understanding will be rooted in your own values - not in the demands of others.”
― KC Davis, Yellow Kite Who Deserves Your Love.