Dead Clown Barbecue Quotes

“I'm not sure when "destruction" officially becomes a "rampage," but when that vampire started kicking down the buildings next to the police station I decided that we had a good old fashioned rampage on our hands.”
― Jeff Strand, Dead Clown Barbecue

“I didn't do anything to you." "You're right. You didn't. And if I kept shouting 'Revenge!' the whole time I was cutting you, that argument would have some substance. But since I've given no indication that my actions are vengeance-based, it was a pointless thing to say.”
― Jeff Strand, Dead Clown Barbecue

“I'm doing this because I'm insane. Doesn't my mad cackle make me sound insane?”
― Jeff Strand, Dead Clown Barbecue

“I don't trust you! You're not trustworthy! No knife!" Dave held the tip of the knife above the tarantula. "I'm gonna poke it! Don't move!" I froze. Dave winced and clutched at his eye with his free hand. "Ow! The eggshell is still there!”
― Jeff Strand, Dead Clown Barbecue

“I won't say the pain was indescribable, since there are plenty of good descriptive words: excruciating, agonizing, unbearable, and so on.”
― Jeff Strand, Dead Clown Barbecue

“Tipsy isn't a miracle wonder cat. That was always the deal: you'd get your cat back, but he'd be sort of creepy. We discussed this.”
― Jeff Strand, Dead Clown Barbecue

“problematic. Yes, if you're brave, determined, strong, and a little insane, you too can construct a zombie raft. I'm”
― Jeff Strand, Dead Clown Barbecue

“Though I'd considered the idea of killing him a million times, once I made the decision to actually do it, I knew it had to be that night. It was sort of like that big public speaking engagement you're dreading, and you just want it to be over so you can stop worrying about it.”
― Jeff Strand, Dead Clown Barbecue

“Grounding you obviously don't work. Neither does taking away your allowance. I guess the only punishment that'll teach you a good enough lesson is if you sleep with Gramma's corpse tonight.”
― Jeff Strand, Dead Clown Barbecue

“The chef grabs the guy's wife/girlfriend by the hair, bashes her down on the table, and slams the meat cleaver into the back of her neck. I don't think she even ordered a turkey sandwich!”
― Jeff Strand, Dead Clown Barbecue