Sick Puppy Quotes

“as a lobbyist he had long ago concluded there was no difference in how Democrats and Republicans conducted the business of government. The game stayed the same: It was always about favors and friends, and who controlled the dough. Party labels were merely a way to keep track of the teams; issues were mostly smoke and vaudeville. Nobody believed in anything except hanging on to power, whatever it took. .....”
― Carl Hiaasen, Sick Puppy

“...Right now there's a pair of bad cops on their way out here to shoot me."
"You don't know that."
"Yeah, you're right," Stranahan said. "They're probably just collecting Toys for Tots. Now go.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Sick Puppy

“Stoat himself was registered independent, but he hadn't stepped inside a voting booth in fourteen years. He couldn't take the concept seriously; he knew too much.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Sick Puppy

“Look, I'll tell you the whole story, everything, but first let me dry off and put on some clothes, please?'
'No, you stay right there.' The man rose and reached for the toilet paper. 'In my experience,' he said, hoisting his checkered kilt, 'men who are buck naked and scared nutless tend to be more forthcoming. They tend to have better memories.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Sick Puppy

“That’s the thing about being a Labrador retriever—you were born for fun. Seldom was your loopy, freewheeling mind cluttered by contemplation, and never at all by somber worry; every day was a romp. What”
― Carl Hiaasen, Sick Puppy

“Brinkman had been drinking so heavily that he couldn’t even pee in his pants, couldn’t make neurotransmitter contact with his own bladder.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Sick Puppy

“set the conversation to Mozart’s Offertory in D Minor, “Misericordias Domini.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Sick Puppy

“Car salesman turned governor.
How it fried Dick Artemus to hear himself described like that--the snotty implication being that all car salesman were cagey and duplicitous, unworthy of holding public office.
At first Dick Artemus had fought back, pridefully pointing out that his dealership sold only Toyotas, the most popular and reliable automobile on the face of the planet! A quality vehicle, he'd said. Top rated by all the important consumer magazines!
But the governor's media advisers told him he sounded not only petty, but self-promotional, and that folks who loved their new Camry did not necessarily love the guy who'd sold it to them. The media advisers told Dick Artemus that the best thing he could do for his future political career was to make voters forget he'd ever been a car salesman (not that the Democrats would ever let them forget). Take the high road, the media advisers told him. Act gubernatorial.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Sick Puppy

“Andrew couldn't stand politics and generally detested the senators and congressmen who paid so exorbitantly for his image-shaping skills. Desie came to admire Andrew for hating his own work--only a highly principled man would stand up and admit to wasting his God-given talent on something so shallow, manipulative and deceptive as a thirty-second campaign commercial.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Sick Puppy

“Thank God they didn't know about it, all those people who feared and needed and sucked up to Palmer Stoat, big-time lobbyist. All those important men and women clogging up his voice mail in Tallahassee... the mayor of Orlando, seeking Stoat's deft hand in obtaining $45 million in federal highway funds--Disney World, demanding yet another exit off Interstate 4; the president of a slot machine company, imploring Stoat to arrange a private dinner with the chief of the Seminole Indian Tribe; a United States Congresswoman from West Palm Beach, begging for box seats to the Marlins home opener (not for her personally, but for five sugar company executives who'd persuaded their Jamaican and Haitian cane pickers to donate generously--well beyond their means, in fact--to the Congresswoman's reelection account).”
― Carl Hiaasen, Sick Puppy

“The dog was having a grand time. That's the thing about being a Labrador Retriever, you were born for fun. Seldom was your loopy, freewheeling mind cluttered by contemplation and never at all by somber worry. Every day was a romp. What else could there possibly be to life? Eating was a thrill, pissing was a treat, shitting was a joy. And licking your own balls? Bliss!”
― Carl Hiaasen, Sick Puppy

“Stoat asked, 'Are you a manhunter?'
'More like a shit-scraper,' the visitor replied. 'And I'm starting with you.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Sick Puppy

“Why didn't you just ring the doorbell?' Stoat said. 'Why break into the house, and why'd you bust the shower door?'
'To put you in the proper frame of mind,' the man replied. 'Also, I was in the mood for some serious goddamn noise.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Sick Puppy