Staked Quotes

“I know that when ye think o’ love you’re supposed to think o’ kissy faces and scented soap and hummin’ happy songs together, but there’s another vital part to it that people rarely admit to themselves: We want somebody to rescue us from other people. From talking to them, I mean, or from the burden of giving a damn about what they say. We don’t want to be polite and stifle our farts, now, do we? We want to let ’em rip and we want to be with someone who won’t care if we do, who will love us regardless and fart right back besides.”
― Kevin Hearne, Staked

“Since I’ve become a Druid, I’ve seen some pretty weird shit, Atticus,” Granuaile said, “but Beardy Baggins there squaring off against Squid Head McGee in the snow might be the weirdest.”
― Kevin Hearne, Staked

“What I should be doing was the same thing everyone should be doing: enjoying the blessings I have while I have them, instead of worrying that one day they will be gone.”
― Kevin Hearne, Staked

“You can’t put your fist through a man’s wood and expect him to forgive and forget.”
― Kevin Hearne, Staked

“Nature doesn’t ask your permission; it doesn’t care about your wishes, or whether you like its laws or not. You’re obliged to accept it as it is, and consequently all its results as well.”
― Kevin Hearne, Staked

“But in doing so---moving forward...---he's still dealing with the past. It's always strung out behind us, innit, attached to our arses like a roll of toilet paper we trail out of the bathroom, pointing the way to the giant shite we just took. It doesn't matter if we flushed it down; Everyone still knows what we did there. So its fine to say it's all done and you have no connection with the past, that you're a new person every second, but silly in my view to pretend that person isn't made of the old one.”
― Kevin Hearne, Staked

“But in doing so—moving forward, in Greta’s mind—he’s still dealing with the past. It’s always strung out behind us, innit, attached to our arses like a roll of toilet paper we trail out of the bathroom, pointing the way to the giant shite we just took. It doesn’t matter if we flushed it down: Everyone still knows what we did there. So it’s fine to say it’s all done and you have no connection with the past, that you’re a new person every second, but silly in my view to pretend that person isn’t made of the old one.”
― Kevin Hearne, Staked

“Sometimes you simply need to say thank you to someone, to be grateful for the road behind and the road ahead and the place you’re at, and gods are very good at accepting those feelings. And for all that humanity asks them for intercession with this crisis or that, it’s important when things go well to be thankful or at least conscious of your good fortune, whether the gods deserve the gratitude or not. We strive so much to achieve these small slivers of balance that it would be a shame not to look around and appreciate them when they happen.”
― Kevin Hearne, Staked

“Defend the honor of your arse-munching couch.”
― Kevin Hearne, Staked

“People still need to know that ye would fix everything if ye could.”
― Kevin Hearne, Staked

“Pain fades, but freedom is an enduring joy.”
― Kevin Hearne, Staked

“We want somebody to rescue us from other people. From talking to them, I mean, or from the burden of giving a damn about what they say. We don’t want to be polite and stifle our farts, now, do we? We want to let ’em rip and we want to be with someone who won’t care if we do, who will love us regardless and fart right back besides.”
― Kevin Hearne, Staked

“Some o’ the words in this book might not be immediately pronounceable for some readers because they have foreign origins. Heck, I needed help myself. But I like learning new words and how to say them, so I’m providing a wee guide here for a few names and such in case you’re of a like mind and want to know how to say them out loud. No one is going to confiscate your cake if you say them wrong, but you might score a piece of cake if you say them right. You know what? You should just have a piece of cake anyway. You deserve cake.”
― Kevin Hearne, Staked

“Gods blast it, I was asking ye where you shite in the city, not where I should do it!”
― Kevin Hearne, Staked

“People do that—cling to their past because it’s the only thing they consider safe. Trying something new or just accepting it turns their livers into jelly. But that’s a load of bollocks. Ye take the new and appreciate it if it’s good, like whiskey or poutine or girlfriends who bite, or ye dismiss it as shite if it’s bad, like cell phones and cars, and move on. O”
― Kevin Hearne, Staked

“The goddess of fire lit him up like a stump, just as she had promised, and I wondered why people who believed in the next life were so anxious to start living it instead of enjoying the one they had.”
― Kevin Hearne, Staked

“My God, Atticus, you look like you had an orgy with egg yolks and orange juice.” “We might need a loofah,” I admitted. “Dare I ask what happened?” “An Olympian exploded on us and it was yucky.”
― Kevin Hearne, Staked

“They were lounging, in fact, in an almost ostentatious manner, as if to say to passersby like myself, “Look uponst my exquisite lounging, foolish mortal, and mourn that you will never lounge with such cosmopolitan savoir faire.”
― Kevin Hearne, Staked

“I know that when ye think o’ love you’re supposed to think o’ kissy faces and scented soap and hummin’ happy songs together, but there’s another vital part to it that people rarely admit to themselves: We want somebody to rescue us from other people. From talking to them, I mean, or from the burden of giving a damn about what they say.”
― Kevin Hearne, Staked

“But sometimes we do things that make no sense except in some arcane calculus hidden in our emotions.”
― Kevin Hearne, Staked

“but underneath that lurked horrors, like a syphilitic dick hidden under a blanket.”
― Kevin Hearne, Staked

“Trees are always the cure for your modern bollocks.”
― Kevin Hearne, Staked

“Of course it is! We don’t have to walk into Mordor. We can hop on the eagles and fly directly to Mount Doom!”
― Kevin Hearne, Staked

“People do that—cling to their past because it’s the only thing they consider safe. Trying something new or just accepting it turns their livers into jelly. But that’s a load of bollocks. Ye take the new and appreciate it if it’s good, like whiskey or poutine or girlfriends who bite, or ye dismiss it as shite if it’s bad, like cell phones and cars, and move on.”
― Kevin Hearne, Staked

“For he is a man, like Dostoevsky’s vision of nature, who does not ask permission or care about your wishes or whether you like him. He plunders and pollutes the world at the same time and sneers at everyone who doesn’t have the guts to just take everything they can while they can.”
― Kevin Hearne, Staked

“Few things shape our lives so strongly as guilt.”
― Kevin Hearne, Staked

“They bark at night sometimes and you think, what you barking for? Stop that. Sometimes dogs hearing and seeing things we do not, and they scare them away, protect us.”
― Kevin Hearne, Staked

“A lot of business with something called a Realtor happens after that—they have people these days who do nothing but sell houses, and they aren’t even the ones who built them. Makes no fecking sense.”
― Kevin Hearne, Staked

“I wondered why people who believed in the next life were so anxious to start living it instead of enjoying the one they had.”
― Kevin Hearne, Staked

“You can’t put your fist through a man’s wood and expect him to forgive and”
― Kevin Hearne, Staked