The Long War Quotes

“Joshua, cynicism is the only reasonable response to the antics of humanity.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Long War

“The nice thing about artificial intelligence is that at least it's better than artificial stupidity.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Long War

“We could try the Turin test," said Lobsang.
"Oh, machines have been able to pass the Turing test for years."
"No, the Turin test. We both pray for an hour, and see if God can tell the difference.”
― Stephen Baxter, The Long War

“And there's no such thing as too much back-up.”
― Stephen Baxter, The Long War

“We ought to call ourselves Homo clamorans. Noisemaking man.”
― Stephen Baxter, The Long War

“...our citizens must be protected, even from being dumb, which is not a crime.”
― Stephen Baxter, The Long War

“We're going to bollocks up our second chance at Eden, even before the paint has dried.”
― Stephen Baxter, The Long War

“What was the nature of the universe into which she had been born? Why did it exist at all? If it had a purpose, what was it? These seemed to her the only questions worth exploring. And the only valid technique evolved by humans for exploring such questions was the scientific method, a robust and self-correcting search for the truth. Yet it had become obvious to her since about the age of twelve that science as it had progressed so far – physics, chemistry, biology, all the rest – had only inched towards grappling with the true questions, the fundamentals. Those questions had only been addressed by theologians and philosophers, it seemed to her. Unfortunately, their answers were a mush of doubt, self-delusion and flummery that had probably done more harm than good. And yet that was all there was.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Long War

“Nelson had an irrational dislike of ‘petabytes’, the recognized term for a particular, and particularly large, wodge of data. Anything that sounded like a kitten’s gentle nip just didn’t have the moxie to do the job asked of it. ‘Godzillabytes’, on the other hand, shouted to the world that it was dealing with something very, very big . . . and possibly dangerous.)”
― Terry Pratchett, The Long War

“The beagle and the kobold approached, walking out of the dusty distance.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Long War

“By now there were whole new Industrial Revolutions going on in the Low Earths; the British seemed to have the building of steam engines and railways in their genes.”
― Stephen Baxter, The Long War

“The folk of Hell-Knows-Where by default still thought of themselves as Americans.”
― Stephen Baxter, The Long War

“Imagine God inside your computer, your phone, everyone else's computer. Imagine someone who almost is the Black Corporation, with all its power and riches and reach. And who, despite all this, seems pretty sane and beneficent by the standards of most gods. Oh, and who sometimes swears in Tibetan...”
― Stephen Baxter, The Long War

“He took refuge in the concept that sometimes slowest is the fastest in the end.”
― Stephen Baxter, The Long War

“A pioneer family lived beyond the reach of shopping malls...”
― Stephen Baxter, The Long War

“Wow. Pioneers with ice-cream."
Joshua felt motivated to defend his home. "Well, it doesn't have to be like the Donner Party, Sally-”
― Stephen Baxter, The Long War

“What was the nature of the universe into which she had been born? Why did it exist at all? If it had a purpose, what was it? These seemed to her the only questions worth exploring. And the only valid technique evolved by humans for exploring such questions was the scientific method, a robust and self-correcting search for the truth. Yet it had become obvious to her since about the age of twelve that science as it had progressed so far – physics, chemistry, biology, all the rest – had only inched towards grappling with the true questions, the fundamentals. Those questions had only been addressed by theologians and philosophers, it seemed to her. Unfortunately, their answers were a mush of doubt, self-delusion and flummery that had probably done more harm than good. And yet that was all there was. For now she had devoted herself, nominally at least, to theology and philosophy, as well as to explorations of the natural sciences, such as on this expedition. She had even received grants to help support this mission to the stepwise East from the Vatican, the Mormons, from Muslim orders, and various philosophical foundations. Dealing with such bodies, she had quickly learned when not to share her view that organized religion was a kind of mass delusion.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Long War

“What a racket,’ she said as she walked up, theatrically clamping her hands over her ears. ‘Noise, everywhere you go. We ought to call ourselves Homo clamorans. Noisemaking Man.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Long War

“He knew how she felt. It was the way he felt himself, sometimes, if he woke in the small hours, at three a.m., a time when the world seemed empty and stripped of comforting illusion. A time when you knew you were a mote, transient and fragile in a vast universe, a candle flame in an empty hall.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Long War

“Lobsang sighed. ‘But I think I need you too, Joshua. I often think back to our days together on the Mark Twain.’ ‘Watched any old movies recently?’ ‘That’s another thing about Agnes. She won’t let me show any movies that don’t have nuns in.’ ‘Wow. That’s brutal.’ ‘Something else that’s good for me, she says. Of course there aren’t that many movies that qualify, and we watch them over and over.’ He shuddered. ‘Don’t talk to me about Two Mules for Sister Sara. But the musicals are the worst. Although Agnes says that the freezer-raiding scene in Sister Act is an authentic detail from convent life.’ ‘Well, that’s a consolation. Musicals with nuns in, huh . . .’ A voice rang out across the park, a voice Joshua remembered only too well from his own past. ‘Lobsang? Time to come in now. Your little friend will keep until tomorrow . . .’ ‘She has loudhailers everywhere.’ Lobsang shouldered his rake and sighed as they trudged across the grass. ‘You see what I’m reduced to? To think I hired forty-nine hundred monks to chant for forty-nine days on forty-nine mountain tops in stepwise Tibets, for this.’ Joshua clapped him on the shoulder. ‘It’s tough, Lobsang. She’s treating you like you’re a kid. Like you’re sixteen, going on seventeen.’ Lobsang looked at him sharply. ‘You can pack that in for a start,’ he snapped. ‘But I’ve got confidence you can overcome these difficulties, Lobsang. Just face up to every obstacle. Climb every mountain—’ Lobsang stalked off sulkily. Joshua waved cheerfully. ‘So long! Farewell!”
― Terry Pratchett, The Long War

“When he looked up she was smiling, that flagstone-cracking beam of a smile that had always made her look twenty years younger. Agnes's smile wasn't the kind of smile that the regular world would associate with the word "nun." It was a smile that had always contained a touch of mischief, and also a terrible rage, kept in check until it was needed. This was what had enabled her to sustain the Home, and her many other projects, in the face of opposition from the Vatican on down. The smile and the rage.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Long War

“Look, whatever hayseed laws you pass in Who-Knows-What -"
"Hell-Knows-Where."
"Don't amount to a hill of beans back here, as your type might say.”
― Stephen Baxter, The Long War

“...the story of colonial-era America, rerun across an infinite frontier...All of which was fine, until the day you needed root-canal dentistry. Or your e-book reader broke down. Or you worried whether your kids were ever going to learn anything more than how to plough a field or trap a rabbit. Or you got sick of the mosquitoes. Or, damn it, you just wanted to go shopping.”
― Stephen Baxter, The Long War

“The Long Earth is bountiful but not forgiving.”
― Stephen Baxter, The Long War

“We do teach our kids the golden rule - Do as you would be done by.”
― Stephen Baxter, The Long War

“If I was a cynic I would be wondering if sooner or later some charismatic douche-bag might stomp all over this Little House on the Prairie dream of yours.”
― Stephen Baxter, The Long War

“We could try the Turin test,’ said Lobsang. ‘Oh, machines have been able to pass the Turing test for years.’ ‘No, the Turin test. We both pray for an hour, and see if God can tell the difference.’ And”
― Terry Pratchett, The Long War

“You could learn all you need to know about human males from one miserable specimen.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Long War

“Fear generates big profits.’ ‘You’re very cynical.’ ‘Joshua, cynicism is the only reasonable response to the antics of humanity.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Long War

“They looked down on the landscapes of West 1, and then with that last step it was as if somebody had exploded a daisycutter bomb, scything away the greenery for miles around and replacing it with concrete, tarmac and steel, staining the shining river a turbid grey and penning it in with reinforced banks and bridges, all under a grubby, colourless sky. Joshua thought you couldn’t have had a better demonstration of what humanity could do to a world, given a few centuries and a lot of oil to burn.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Long War