Fat Vampire Quotes

“It was nice to know he couldn’t gain any more weight and that he wasn’t begging for a heart attack or a diabetic leg amputation. So there were some upsides.”
― Johnny B. Truant, Fat Vampire

“Can either of you do that?” he said with an erect penis in his voice.”
― Johnny B. Truant, Fat Vampire

“Whatever I paid before I was a sperm, Lord,” he said under his breath, “I want it back. Every cent, or I’m reporting your ass to the Better Business Bureau. I was promised much that I did not receive. The marketing was deceptive. I am not completely satisfied. I would like a full refund and a personal apology from the maitre d’. And a free calendar. Not a shitty one. One with naked girls on it.”
― Johnny B. Truant, Fat Vampire

“Reginald could tell by the way she jumped when anyone dropped anything that she wanted her money back for the broken promises of adulthood too. “I guess,” said Sarah.”
― Johnny B. Truant, Fat Vampire

“People were arrogant, unable to see things from a point of view other than their own, and hence always saw what they expected to see.”
― Johnny B. Truant, Fat Vampire

“This verbal diarrhea was idiotic.”
― Johnny B. Truant, Fat Vampire

“I’m considered a health nut amongst vampires. I usually feed only on vegetarians.”
― Johnny B. Truant, Fat Vampire

“so entering a conversation that you’d overheard but hadn’t been invited to join was sort of like peeing in someone’s coffee while they stood there and watched you do it.”
― Johnny B. Truant, Fat Vampire