Close to the Bone Quotes

“Steel squared her shoulders. "Ladies, and gentlemen, are are no' at home to Mr Fuckup today. Who are we no' at home to?"

The response wasn't much more than an embarrassed murmur. "Mr Fuckup."

"I CAN'T HEAR YOU! WHO ARE WE NO' AT HOME TO?"

Better this time: "Mr Fuckup."

"ONE MORE TIME!"

They bellowed it out: "WE ARE NOT AT HOME TO MR FUCKUP!"

"Damn right we're no'." She smiled, nodded. "Now get out there and catch me those bloody killers.”
― Stuart MacBride, Close to the Bone

“What about Ding-Dong?"

"Detective Inspector Bell couldn't find his arse with both hands if you duct-taped them to it. Come on.”
― Stuart MacBride, Close to the Bone

“Ina stood and shuffled over to the urn on the fireplace. Stroked it with a twisted finger. "How are we supposed to get more consecrated soil, now? Taxi drivers always look at you so strangely when you get in with a shovel and say, 'Take me to the nearest graveyard.”
― Stuart MacBride, Close to the Bone

“Apparently I can't prove the chair I'm sitting on exists, because I only think it exists because my bum tells me it does and I can't empirically trust my bum to tell the truth...'

'That what it says?'

'Far as I can tell, one of the great philosophical minds of the eighteenth century thinks my arse is a liar.”
― Stuart MacBride, Close to the Bone

“Sim put the mug back on the table, by the laptop, blushing so hard she couldn't have been far off spontaneously combusting.”
― Stuart MacBride, Close to the Bone