ROT & BYRNE Quotes

“As I sat there screaming, with all the butch machismo of a premenstrual Twilight groupie getting a first glimpse of that anaemic Edward actor arriving at a movie premiere, the closing fingers splayed wide with explosive enthusiasm.”
― Ian Atkinson, ROT & BYRNE: Life's a Bastard Then you Die, Part 2

“And I assure you, it isn’t easy either maintaining leverage or getting traction when one’s own body has about as much meat and muscle as a vegan’s breakfast.”
― Ian Atkinson, ROT & BYRNE: Life's a Bastard Then you Die, Part 2

“The zombified demons presumably used the area as a rooftop patio; probably for little alfresco get-togethers during the summer. How soddin’ twee. How very ruddy civilised. What a wonderful little sun trap. Crack open a few cold beers and throw another new born on the barbie, no doubt… Bastards.”
― Ian Atkinson, ROT & BYRNE: Life's a Bastard Then you Die, Part 2

“I was just making my third sauntering sortie into the study to check on Tommy, when the orange indicators on the side of our happy, little ‘Holidays from Hell’ tour bus took to blinking an unscheduled, and extremely sharp wrong turn from Lower Shit Street into Deep Cack Crescent.”
― Ian Atkinson, ROT & BYRNE: Life's a Bastard Then you Die, Part 2

“This severely crew-cutted, Mr Rambo, Die-Hard Terminator type, wore neither helmet nor goggles. He was also shirtless under his black, armoured vest and had two belts of oversized bullets slung over his shoulders and crossing at his chest. He obviously being one of a mind that size was indeed important, looking the butch business as he cradled an almightily impressive BFG in his bared, muscle-bound arms. The outer edge of the right one’s bicep having three stripes tattooed upon in… No, honestly. The huge weapon he held looked as if it’d been specifically designed for bringing down either crack addicted bull elephants, smack riddled rhinos in dire need, or heroin dependant hippos desperate for a fix.”
― Ian Atkinson, ROT & BYRNE: Life's a Bastard Then you Die, Part 2

“Helena lay flat out and uncomfortable on the cold stone floor. Her mouth was dry; her tongue and pallet suffering a taste the like of her having eaten badly burnt biscuits made from crushed urinal deodorisers, chicken coop scrapings and kitty litter.”
― Ian Atkinson, ROT & BYRNE: Life's a Bastard Then you Die, Part 2

“Hi, this is your very own Demon-Master, Kird Vadu speaking… Isn’t twenty-first century technology wonderful?... I’m unfortunately unable to take your call right now. However, if you honestly believe your words are of sufficient importance to interrupt me in this way, then please feel free to recite your no doubt banal drivel after the cute little beeping noise. If not, then can I suggest you leave me the fuck alone. Bye now.”
― Ian Atkinson, ROT & BYRNE: Life's a Bastard Then you Die, Part 2

“Life’s a bastard then you die. Then death seems determined to be a bigger bastard by setting demons loose on you.”
― Ian Atkinson, ROT & BYRNE: Life's a Bastard Then you Die, Part 2

“Do Archdemons suffer senile dementia?” The bearded one gave a cruel snigger. “What? You mean, Kird Vadu, the zombie who put the Zed in Alzheimer’s?”
― Ian Atkinson, ROT & BYRNE: Life's a Bastard Then you Die, Part 2

“Anarchy reigned. The scenario was chaotic. All was bedlam… Apparently my work here was done.”
― Ian Atkinson, ROT & BYRNE: Life's a Bastard Then you Die, Part 2