The Human Division Quotes

“I propose a toast. Here’s to being right all the time. May God and history forgive us.” They all clinked glasses to that.”
― John Scalzi, The Human Division

“Captain Sophia Coloma looked every inch of what she was, which was the sort of person who was not here to put up with your shit.”
― John Scalzi, The Human Division

“Do your people have racists? People who believe they are inherently superior to all other types of intelligent people?” “We have some,” Sorvalh said. “They’re generally agreed to be idiots.”
― John Scalzi, The Human Division

“The reality is more complicated, but as with most humans, the people on Earth prefer the simple answer.”
― John Scalzi, The Human Division

“Wes is Wes,” Alastair said. “One in every family. I love him, but I think of him as a sarcastic pet.”
― John Scalzi, The Human Division

“Mom, I remember Lizzie,” Hart said. “She’s really not my type.” “She has a brother,” Wes said, from his lounge. “He’s not my type, either,” Hart said.”
― John Scalzi, The Human Division

“I’m a ‘the glass is half-empty and filled with poison’ kind of guy, actually,”
― John Scalzi, The Human Division

“Remember that the plant wants to eat you,” the groundskeeper said. “It’s not going to let you get away. Don’t fight it. Let yourself be eaten.” “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m finding your advice to be less than one hundred percent helpful,”
― John Scalzi, The Human Division

“Lovely,” Wilson said, looking at the display. “And by ‘lovely,’ I mean ‘Oh, crap.”
― John Scalzi, The Human Division

“I don’t think it matters what age you are when you figure it out,” Brous said. “I think the important thing is to figure it out before someone else tells you what you want to be, and they get it wrong.”
― John Scalzi, The Human Division

“We have a problem,” he said. “Is this another ‘I think we have a potential energy flow’ kind of problem?” Coloma asked. “No, this is a ‘Holy shit, we’re all definitely going to die a horrible death in the cold endless dark of space’ kind of problem,” Basquez said. “We’ll be right down,” Coloma said.”
― John Scalzi, The Human Division

“You strike me as a ‘glass half-empty’ kind of guy, sir,” he said. “I’m a ‘the glass is half-empty and filled with poison’ kind of guy, actually,” Wilson said.”
― John Scalzi, The Human Division

“Just because I look like a human being doesn’t mean I am. This body has more genetic material that’s not strictly human than it does material that is human. And it heavily integrates machines as well. My blood is actually a bunch of nanobots in a fluid. I am and every other CDF soldier is a genetically-modified cyborg.” “But you’re still you, right?” Lowen asked. “You’re still the same person you were when you left Earth. Still the same consciousness.” “That’s a question of some contention among us soldiers,” Wilson said, setting his arm back down. “When you transfer over to the new body, the machine that does the transfer makes it at least seem like for an instant you’re in two bodies at once. It feels like you as a person make the transfer. But I think it’s equally possible that what happens is that memories are transferred over to a brain specially prepared for them, it wakes up, and there’s just enough cross talk between the two separate brains to give the illusion of a transfer before the old one shuts down.” “In which case, you’re actually dead,” Lowen said. “The real you. And this you is a fake.” “Right.” Wilson took another sip of his drink. “Mind you, the CDF could show you graphs and charts that show that actual consciousness transfer happens. But I think this is one of those things you can’t really model from the outside. I have to accept the possibility that I could be a fake Harry Wilson.” “And this doesn’t bother you,” Lowen said. “In a metaphysical sense, sure,” Wilson said. “But in a day-to-day sense, I don’t think about it much. On the inside, it sure feels like I’ve been around for ninety years, and ultimately this version of me likes being alive. So.”
― John Scalzi, The Human Division

“Listen, you have to understand something. In all of the history of professional sports, the Cubs are the ultimate symbol of complete failure. The championship of baseball is something called the World Series, and it’s been so long since the Cubs have won it that no one who is alive could remember the last time they won it. It’s so long that no one alive knew anyone who was alive when they won it. We’re talking centuries of abject failure here.”
― John Scalzi, The Human Division

“You’re saying I am not a credible eyewitness,” Lowen repeated. “Because I was part of that diplomatic mission, Mr. Vinicius. In fact, not only was I there, I also conducted the autopsy that established that Liu Cong’s death was murder, and also helped identify how it was the murder was accomplished. When you say that the eyewitness reports are not credible, you’re talking about me, specifically and directly. If what you’re saying actually reflects the opinion of the Ministry of External Relations, then we have a problem. A very large problem.”
― John Scalzi, The Human Division

“You asked for help,” Wilson said. I also tried to blow up your ship with you in it. “That was before you knew me,” Wilson said. I’m sorry about that. “I’m not going to tell you not to be sorry,” Wilson said, “but I can understand wanting to get your body back.”
― John Scalzi, The Human Division

“This is my first time working with a human,” Werd said, to Wilson. “How’s it going so far?” Wilson asked. “Not bad,” Werd said. “You’re kind of ugly, though.” “I get that a lot,” Wilson said. “I bet you do,” Werd said. “I won’t hold it against you.” “Thanks,” Wilson said. “But if you smell, I’m pushing you out an airlock,” Werd said.”
― John Scalzi, The Human Division

“This is the same Lizzie Chao who I went to high school with,” Hart said. “I believe so,” Isabel said. “She’s married,” Hart said. “She’s separated,” Isabel said. “Which means she’s married with an option to trade up,” Catherine said.”
― John Scalzi, The Human Division

“General Gau had thanked for her candor in this as in all other things and then went ahead and did it anyway.”
― John Scalzi, The Human Division

“This brings me back to my question about my karma,” Wilson said. “You probably set kittens on fire,” Schmidt said. “And the rest of us were probably there with you, with skewers.”
― John Scalzi, The Human Division

“He decided he’d rather die as a fundamentally decent human being than live as the sort of asshole who’d tear out someone’s liver to get into an escape pod.”
― John Scalzi, The Human Division

“I’m trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up. A nice thing to wonder about when you’re thirty.”
― John Scalzi, The Human Division

“Is it painful?" the groundskeeper asked. "I am asking for science.”
― John Scalzi, The Human Division

“You really are insane, you know that,” Schmidt said, after a moment. “I always think it’s funny when people get told what they are by other people,” Wilson said. “As if they didn’t already know.”
― John Scalzi, The Human Division

“You’re very good with children,” the woman said, noting Sorvalh’s responses and tone. “I spend my days dealing with human diplomats,” Sorvalh said. “Children and diplomats can be remarkably similar.”
― John Scalzi, The Human Division

“You know humans have a bad reputation. Among the rest of us. “I’ve heard,” Wilson said. That you’re deceptive. That you’ll go against your contracts and treaties. That you’re terrified of all of us and your way of solving that problem is trying to destroy us all. “But on the bright side, we all have lovely singing voices,” Wilson said.”
― John Scalzi, The Human Division

“How do you feel?” “I have a headache,” Lee said. “My muscles are sore. I am dying of thirst. I have to pee. I am restrained. I’m blind. How are you?” “Better than you, I will admit,”
― John Scalzi, The Human Division

“I’m trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up. A nice thing to wonder about when you’re thirty.” “I don’t think it matters what age you are when you figure it out,” Brous said. “I think the important thing is to figure it out before someone else tells you what you want to be, and they get it wrong.”
― John Scalzi, The Human Division

“High-risk, high-reward situations where the path to success isn’t laid out but has to be cut by machetes through a jungle filled with poison toads.”
― John Scalzi, The Human Division

“A newspaper publisher. In the late 1800s the United States and Spain were warming up for a war over Cuba, and Hearst sent an illustrator to Cuba to make pictures of the event. When the illustrator got there, he sent a telegram to Hearst saying that as far as he could see, there was no war coming and that he was going home. Hearst sent back that he should stay and said, ‘You furnish the pictures, and I will furnish the war.’ And he did.”
― John Scalzi, The Human Division