This Book Title is Invisible Quotes

“Reading—it’s the third best thing to do in bed.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Title is Invisible

“The year you were born marks only your entry into the world. Other years where you prove your worth, they are the ones worth celebrating.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Title is Invisible

“When faced with two equally tough choices, most people choose the third choice: to not choose.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Title is Invisible

“Instead of a Lemonade Stand, I should open up a “You know what I can’t stand?” Stand. I’ll sell rants in small, medium, and large.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Title is Invisible

“Sometimes the thing that brings us together also pulls us apart. Sort of like a zipper.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Title is Invisible

“It’s what you do in your free time that will set you free—or enslave you.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Title is Invisible

“I can bench press steam, but not fog. I just have to wait until the fog lifts itself.
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― Jarod Kintz, This Book Title is Invisible

“Whenever I see a gorgeous woman, I think, Who is that tall drink of water, and how come I’m suddenly thirsty?”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Title is Invisible

“My next breath may very well be in your lungs. Store it wisely, because my life depends on it.
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― Jarod Kintz, This Book Title is Invisible

“I don’t know what’s in the box, but I love it. Unopened gifts contain hope.
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― Jarod Kintz, This Book Title is Invisible

“I have a secret secret admirer. Not only is her identity a secret—but so is the fact that she admires me.
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― Jarod Kintz, This Book Title is Invisible

“On average, women are better liars than men. But the best liars are men, because politicians are still predominantly men.
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― Jarod Kintz, This Book Title is Invisible

“There should always be one more cat than person, so everyone has one to pet, and I have two to myself.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Title is Invisible

“When my now ex wife said she wanted a separation, I was horrified. So I said, “You want me to wear a condom?!”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Title is Invisible

“When I hear your name, I involuntarily clench my butt cheeks. Is that love? I don’t know—I’m not Nicholas Sparks.
”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Title is Invisible

“The Nike swoosh logo would make an interesting mustache—on a man who runs his mouth all the time.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Title is Invisible

“Love is the most precious gift you could ever possibly hope to steal. Some women foolishly do not leave their rib cages locked at night.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Title is Invisible

“Broke is a relative term, like sister, cousin, or Uncle Sam.
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― Jarod Kintz, This Book Title is Invisible

“I want to create a cologne that smells like a whisper. It’ll be for all the secret admirers out there.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Title is Invisible

“Pick a number between one to ten. Now, pick the number that you think I picked you to pick.
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― Jarod Kintz, This Book Title is Invisible

“I practice karate moves when I think nobody is watching. It’s all part of being a real American badass, I guess. Chicks dig it. I mean they would, if they ever looked and caught me in a moment of awesomeness.
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― Jarod Kintz, This Book Title is Invisible

“I didn’t list listening as one of my skills, probably because I didn’t hear what the interviewer asked.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Title is Invisible

“I wouldn’t want the guests at my birthday party confusing my celebration with the Oscars. That’s why I’m having the awards ceremony after we eat cake and I open my presents.
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― Jarod Kintz, This Book Title is Invisible

“Mondays are mundane, like Tuesdays minus 24 hours.
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― Jarod Kintz, This Book Title is Invisible

“I just took a little nap. I stole it from an infant.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Title is Invisible

“A tie is like an arrow pointing to my crotch. A tie is also like an even score.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Title is Invisible

“I knew it, but I knew you didn’t know I knew it, so I knew to not let you know I knew it by acting like I didn’t know it.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Title is Invisible

“With a tough decision, the act of flipping a coin allows you to figure out which you really prefer, because as the coin is spinning, you find yourself slightly pulling for either heads or tails. No need to follow the coin’s outcome—choose the side your subconscious hoped fate would favor.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Title is Invisible

“Love isn’t stackable and interlocking, like boxes or Legos. Love is like a one-legged man standing on a three-legged chair that is placed on top of a two-legged piano. I should know, because I’m the guy trying to tune that piano, fix that chair, and affix a prosthetic leg to that guy—who happens to be my piano teacher. Mr. Balloonky, you get down from there now!
”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Title is Invisible

“Don’t tell me your name. If you don’t tell me your name, I can’t hurt your feelings by forgetting it.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Title is Invisible