Codependency For Dummies Quotes

“When we let go of our reactions and detach from other people's moods, actions, and words, we take back our power. Instead of reactors, we become self-determined actors in our lives. We take charge of ourselves and decide how we act in that moment and every moment, skyrocketing our self-esteem”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency for Dummies

“In fact, it’s said that in every misunderstanding there are six people involved: the couple and two sets of parents.”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“Instead, codependents develop a persona in the world that reacts to others, to their own self-criticism, and to their imagined ideal of who they should be. To be acceptable to others and to themselves, you hide who you are and become who you aren’t. You may not even be aware of how self-critical you are but suffer the “tyranny of the should’s” — a phrase coined by psychoanalyst”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“be?”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“Often in conjoint therapy, one partner (the pursuer) complains that the other (the distancer) is too busy”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“Instead, codependents react and are indirect.”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“stating clearly and politely what you think, feel, need, or want.”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“Communication is learned, and you can learn to communicate assertively.”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“and let live: This is my favorite saying. Its meaning is very powerful. When you give yourself permission to do what you want, then you’re able to give others that freedom. It defines correct boundaries. You’re the only one over whom you have power, and only you are responsible for yourself. You discover that your actions create your happiness. The four don’ts: The four don’ts remind you not to focus on, have expectations of, judge, or spend your time thinking about others. Don’t watch. Don’t expect. Don’t judge. Don’t obsess.”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“Withdrawers (“I don’t want to talk about it.”)”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“Stand with your eyes closed and lean slightly forward then back. Imagine that leaning forward means “Yes” and backwards means “No.” Now stand still and ask yourself a yes or no question. Close your eyes and see which way you sway. With practice, this can be a handy tool to access your body’s wisdom in making decisions.”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“Despair and depression”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“Slamming doors”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“Fear can breed anxiety, and anxiety can create fear.”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“When you’re tempted to react, try these strategies:”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“Ask yourself the following:”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“You may be worrying”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“Common fears that derail communication are fear”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“Fear, driven by shame, is the biggest obstacle to being direct in communication.”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“some of the following poor communication habits:”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“Codependents have poor communication skills. They’re so preoccupied or emotionally reactive that often they don’t really listen. The other person’s words get filtered through layers of fear and low self-esteem.”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“persistent accusations or pleas for attention or reassurance can produce your worst fear and push them away.”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“You may attract unavailable partners”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“Abandonment in early childhood produces shame, low self-esteem, and insecurity about”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“Fears of rejection Fears of being left, rejected, or alone play a big role in dependent relationships. Some codependents can’t sleep alone. If you’re disconnected from yourself, you won’t feel complete. You won’t have an inner life to sustain and nurture you, and being alone can feel empty — like no one’s home. If you’re unable to meet your needs, you hope that someone else will. Relationships add to your life but can’t fix what’s missing inside. You can feel just as lonely in a relationship, and once attachment bonds take hold, dependency on the relationship turns into addiction.”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“Codependents are by definition “dependent” — dependent on something or someone outside of themselves. Dependency comes from low self-esteem and fear of abandonment. Signs include”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“Codependents joke that, at the moment of death, someone else’s life flashes before them.”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“A codependent is a person who can’t function from his or her innate self and instead organizes thinking and behavior around a substance, process, or other person(s).”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“Critics argue that the definitions include “normal” people, and, therefore, aren’t useful.”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“Codependents overreact to external events, while ignoring internal cues and feelings.”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies