How to Become the Dark Lord and Die Trying Quotes

“At this particular moment, fuck subtlety. I cast fireball, motherfucker.”
― Django Wexler, How to Become the Dark Lord and Die Trying

“That’s right, door. I’m the Dark fucking Lord. Don’t fuck with me.”
― Django Wexler, How to Become the Dark Lord and Die Trying

“Never fuck anyone you would be upset having to kill, that’s my new motto.1”
― Django Wexler, How to Become the Dark Lord and Die Trying

“The universe may be a vicious pile of utter nonsense, but at least when you drink drinks, you get drunk.”
― Django Wexler, How to Become the Dark Lord and Die Trying

“Getting captured is how you end up in the torture dungeon with Snaky de Sade.”
― Django Wexler, How to Become the Dark Lord and Die Trying

“I invite you to (a) respect my expertise, and (b) fuck off into the sun.”
― Django Wexler, How to Become the Dark Lord and Die Trying

“pocketses,”
― Django Wexler, How to Become the Dark Lord and Die Trying

“Q: How does a girl with tusks go down on you? A: Very carefully, and with commendable attention to detail.”
― Django Wexler, How to Become the Dark Lord and Die Trying

“Masturbation, like archery, is something at which I am probably the best in the world. At least it’s hard to imagine how anyone could have more practice.”
― Django Wexler, How to Become the Dark Lord and Die Trying

“I give him my best innocent stare. “Whose side are you on?” Amitsugu blinks and shows his pointed teeth. “Why, mine, of course.”
― Django Wexler, How to Become the Dark Lord and Die Trying

“He's a bony old motherfucker with a beard you could lose a sheep in”
― Django Wexler, How to Become the Dark Lord and Die Trying

“But the counterexample is right in front of me. Fields of golden grain, waving majestically in the wind like a GOP campaign ad.”
― Django Wexler, How to Become the Dark Lord and Die Trying

“Humans farm to generate more calories per land-area, because we breed—like rats—to outstrip the food supply until we get killed off by disease or famine or one another, just like that lovable scamp Malthus said.”
― Django Wexler, How to Become the Dark Lord and Die Trying

“The thing about manipulating a crowd is that you don’t have to convince everyone. Ninety percent of the shouting comes from 10 percent of the mob. Get the loudest voices on your side, and the rest will convince themselves.”
― Django Wexler, How to Become the Dark Lord and Die Trying

“They catch me one more time (sword to the back of the head, instant death, 5/5 stars),”
― Django Wexler, How to Become the Dark Lord and Die Trying

“haruspex is someone who reads omens in the guts of sacrifices! THE MORE YOU KNOW”
― Django Wexler, How to Become the Dark Lord and Die Trying

“According to Jeffrey, there’s no D&D-style labyrinth here stuffed with beholders and gelatinous cubes, just a more-or-less passable cave cut by the stream into the rock.”
― Django Wexler, How to Become the Dark Lord and Die Trying

“At least when he killed Johann, my poor beautiful himbo boyfriend, he didn’t have time for any of this sadistic bullshit.”
― Django Wexler, How to Become the Dark Lord and Die Trying

“If it all comes down to God did it, then nothing has to make sense and there's nothing I can do. I'm not quite ready to believe that yet.”
― Django Wexler, How to Become the Dark Lord and Die Trying

“I don’t have much leverage, so the best I can do is work the point back and forth, sawing through the skin. Hurts like a motherfucker, but sometimes a girl’s just gotta die, you know?”
― Django Wexler, How to Become the Dark Lord and Die Trying

“Fucker likes to twist the knife, figuratively and distressingly literally. At least when he killed Johann, my poor beautiful himbo boyfriend, he didn’t have time for any of this sadistic bullshit.”
― Django Wexler, How to Become the Dark Lord and Die Trying

“I mean, maybe he has a raging hard-on inside his rusty codpiece, but I doubt it.”
― Django Wexler, How to Become the Dark Lord and Die Trying

“He seriously never takes it off. How does he poop? I have to know how he poops.”
― Django Wexler, How to Become the Dark Lord and Die Trying

“I don’t have to see what’s happening out in the city. I assume it’s bad. It’s usually bad. If I got into therapy and unloaded half the shit I’ve seen, Dr. Freud would take a running leap out the nearest window.”
― Django Wexler, How to Become the Dark Lord and Die Trying