Breaking the Cycle Quotes

“comfortable. It doesn’t matter if she reciprocates and decides to be completely open with you. If she does want to, you can welcome her honesty. But the main point of this exercise is for you to be honest with her. Remember, being honest with her means taking responsibility for your feelings, rather than shaming and blaming. You need to do the following for at least one week: In the evening or near the end of every day, sit down with your wife or loved one. Be completely honest with her about any kind of abnormal thinking you had during that day. You might want to go through your day and relate anything you were ashamed of thinking. You don’t have to restrict yourself to thoughts about sex, because sex addiction is not just about sex. It’s about self-esteem and how you view yourself and your stories. Again, if your wife reciprocates, it could bring you closer. But don’t pressure her. If she does reciprocate, she also needs to avoid shaming and blaming. However, she doesn’t have to say a word. This exercise is about you being honest with people who are close to you. If you are open and honest, your wife is more likely to respond with loving-kindness. If you are vulnerable, you invite vulnerability.”
― George Collins, Breaking the Cycle: Free Yourself from Sex Addiction, Porn Obsession, and Shame

“You were shaped by your early experiences. Your sexually compulsive behavior isn’t just about sex. It’s about your self-esteem. It’s about everything that ever happened to you, especially the negative experiences that sparked you to seek a coping strategy such as visiting prostitutes or using the Internet for porn.”
― George Collins, Breaking the Cycle: Free Yourself from Sex Addiction, Porn Obsession, and Shame

“If someone hurt you or scared you when you were a child, even many years later you may have a tendency to isolate, which leads to unstructured time. If your parents proved untrustworthy, or you were beaten, yelled at, or sexually abused, it’s likely you tended to isolate. Isolation leads to addiction. People like connection. If we are forced by circumstances (including trauma), we may isolate, make up stories, and have pretend girlfriends. This is because it feels safer and easier not to connect with a real person.”
― George Collins, Breaking the Cycle: Free Yourself from Sex Addiction, Porn Obsession, and Shame

“A particular behavior…presses on an old wound, triggering a response in us that is clearly an overreaction. This is perhaps the site of the original wound” (Dayton 2000, 21).”
― George Collins, Breaking the Cycle: Free Yourself from Sex Addiction, Porn Obsession, and Shame

“Patrick Carnes wrote an apt description of the addict’s behavior: “The addict substitutes a sick relationship to an event or a process for a healthy relationship with others. The addict’s relationship with a mood-altering experience becomes central to his life” (Carnes 2001, 14).”
― George Collins, Breaking the Cycle: Free Yourself from Sex Addiction, Porn Obsession, and Shame