How to Archer Quotes

“They say stress is the silent killer. But poison darts are also pretty damn quiet.”
― Sterling Archer, How to Archer: The Ultimate Guide to Espionage and Style and Women and Also Cocktails Ever Written

“If I wanted to work hard, I’d be a farmer.”
― It Books, How to Archer: The Ultimate Guide to Espionage and Style and Women and Also Cocktails Ever Written

“And if whatever you’re shooting doesn’t die after you pump eight thirty-two-caliber slugs into it, it’s probably a dragon.”
― It Books, How to Archer: The Ultimate Guide to Espionage and Style and Women and Also Cocktails Ever Written

“if I am forced to use a sword in combat, I just swing it around like a baseball bat while screaming, at the top of my lungs: “There can be only one!” Which, if done correctly, is surprisingly effective.”
― It Books, How to Archer: The Ultimate Guide to Espionage and Style and Women and Also Cocktails Ever Written

“Did I make you spend so much time at the office? Did I make you play three rounds of golf last weekend? Answer: No, I didn’t. I was too busy pinning your wife’s ankles to her ears.”
― It Books, How to Archer: The Ultimate Guide to Espionage and Style and Women and Also Cocktails Ever Written

“I’m pretty sure if I stopped drinking for even one day, the accumulated hangover would probably kill me.”
― It Books, How to Archer: The Ultimate Guide to Espionage and Style and Women and Also Cocktails Ever Written

“Well, also ask yourself this: do you know what Steve Miller looks like? No, you don’t. Nobody does. He could be standing right next to you on the subway platform, playing “Jungle Love” on a custom Stratocaster with his name inlaid on the fretboard in mother-of-pearl, and you still wouldn’t know who he is. Because as far as you or anybody else knows, Steve Miller is a big blue space-horse with a mane made out of orange space-flames.”
― It Books, How to Archer: The Ultimate Guide to Espionage and Style and Women and Also Cocktails Ever Written

“Seriously, did I miss something? Did John F. Kennedy walk into the Oval Office one day, only to find Fidel Castro lighting his Cohiba with the American flag while teabagging Jackie?”
― It Books, How to Archer: The Ultimate Guide to Espionage and Style and Women and Also Cocktails Ever Written

“Memoirs? No, we want a how-to book. For spies.” “A how-to book?! A book can’t teach someone how to be equal parts deadly and sexy! That’s like asking a cobra to write a book about how to be a cobra!”
― It Books, How to Archer: The Ultimate Guide to Espionage and Style and Women and Also Cocktails Ever Written

“A how-to book?! A book can’t teach someone how to be equal parts deadly and sexy! That’s like asking a cobra to write a book about how to be a cobra!”
― Sterling Archer, How to Archer: The Ultimate Guide to Espionage and Style and Women and Also Cocktails Ever Written

“That being said, I will throw on the occasional false mustache.”
― It Books, How to Archer: The Ultimate Guide to Espionage and Style and Women and Also Cocktails Ever Written

“A cutout is just a go-between, who goes between (I just got that) two intelligence agents.”
― Sterling Archer, How to Archer: The Ultimate Guide to Espionage and Style and Women and Also Cocktails Ever Written

“In fact, to the best of my knowledge, the only things he ever read growing up were pornographic comic books (we used to call them “Tijuana bibles,” but I’m sure that’s no longer considered polite, what with all these immigrants driving around everywhere in their lowriders, listening to raps and shooting all the jobs).”
― Sterling Archer, How to Archer: The Ultimate Guide to Espionage and Style and Women and Also Cocktails Ever Written

“I have not trained in fencing (or vaginal hygiene), so if I am forced to use a sword in combat, I just swing it around like a baseball bat while screaming, at the top of my lungs: “There can be only one!” Which, if done correctly, is surprisingly effective. After”
― Sterling Archer, How to Archer: The Ultimate Guide to Espionage and Style and Women and Also Cocktails Ever Written

“Poison sucks. I’m”
― Sterling Archer, How to Archer: The Ultimate Guide to Espionage and Style and Women and Also Cocktails Ever Written

“Well, also ask yourself this: do you know what Steve Miller looks like? No, you don’t. Nobody does. He could be standing right next to you on the subway platform, playing “Jungle Love” on a custom Stratocaster with his name inlaid on the fretboard in mother-of-pearl, and you still wouldn’t know who he is. Because as far as you or anybody else knows, Steve Miller is a big blue space-horse with a mane made out of orange space-flames. But everybody loves him.”
― It Books, How to Archer: The Ultimate Guide to Espionage and Style and Women and Also Cocktails Ever Written