The Spectre of Alexander Wolf Quotes

“Your gift for thinking interferes with you: without it, of course, you’d be happy.”
― Gaito Gazdanov, The Spectre of Alexander Wolf

“When I thought of myself, of the feelings I had, of the things I thought I understood so well, I imagined myself somehow abstractly, because that other visual recollection was painful and unpleasant for me. No sooner would I call to mind my physical appearance than the finest, most lyrical, wonderful visions would vanish in an instant - so monstrous was its disparity with the intangible, glittering world that existed in my imagination. It seemed to me that there could be no greater contrast than that between my inner life and my outward appearance; sometimes I even imagined that I was trapped in someone else's strange, almost hateful body.”
― Gaito Gazdanov, Het fantoom van Alexander Wolf

“The justice of any single commandment cannot be proven logically in an irrefutable manner, and there is no moral law which is binding under all conditions without exception. Ethics, generally, exist only as far as we are willing to accept them.”
― Gaito Gazdanov, Het fantoom van Alexander Wolf

“I knew both from personal experience and by the example of many of my comrades that fighting in a war has an irreparably destructive effect on almost any man. I knew also that the constant proximity of death, the sight of the killed, wounded, dying, hanged and shot, the great red flame in the icy air above blazing villages on a winter’s night, the carcass of a man’s horse and those auditory impressions - the alarm bell, shell explosions, the whistle of bullets, the desperate, unknown cries – none of this ever passes with impunity. I knew that the silent, almost unconscious memory of war haunts the majority of people who have gone through it, leaving something broken in them once and for all. I knew myself that the normal, human ideas regarding the value of life and the necessity for a basic moral code – not to kill, not to steal, not to rape, to show compassion – had been slowly reasserted within me after the war, but they had lost their former persuasiveness and had become merely a system of theoretical morality, with whose correctness and necessity I couldn’t, in principle, disagree. Those feelings that ought to have been inside me and that were a condition of the re-establishment of this code had been razed by war; they no longer existed, and there was nothing to take their place.”
― Gaito Gazdanov, Het fantoom van Alexander Wolf

“Ich entsinne mich, mit welcher Verwunderung sie auf die Rue Saint-Louis en l'Île blickte, und tatsächlich war schwer vorstellbar, dass in derselben Stadt, in der es die vom Place de l'Étoile ausgehenden Avenuen gibt, sich auch diese enge und düstere Gasse zwischen zwei Reihen unendlich alter Häuser befindet, durchdrungen vom Moder der Jahrhunderte, gegen den jegliche Zivilisation machtlos ist. Es war schon im späten Frühjahr, da erblickten wir nach der langen Kälte des Winters und nach all seinen traurigen Landschaften, ohne irgendwo hin zu fahren, ein anderes Paris: durchsichtige Nächte, fernes Abendrot über dem Montmartre und lange Reihen von Kastanien auf dem Boulevard Arago, auf den wir seltsamerweise mehrmals hintereinander stießen. Ich hielt beim Gehen ihre Taille umfasst, und sie sagte mit träger und ruhiger Stimme, ohne jede Spur von Protest:
"Also, Chéri, du verhältst dich ganz wie ein Apache.”
― Gaito Gazdanov, Het fantoom van Alexander Wolf

“I knew by experience and by observing many of my friends the baneful, destructive effect which participation in a war has on almost every man.”
― Gaito Gazdanov, Het fantoom van Alexander Wolf

“When I wake up every morning, I think to myself, Today my life will begin in earnest.”
― Gaito Gazdanov, The Spectre of Alexander Wolf

“Aus dem Spiegel schaute mich ein Gesicht an; obgleich ich es zeit meines Lebens jeden Morgen sah, konnte ich mich immer noch nicht an seine ausgeprägte Hässlichkeit gewöhnen, wie ich mich auch nicht an den fremden und ungezähmten Blick meiner eigenen Augen gewöhnen konnte. Wenn ich über mich nachdachte, über Gefühle, die ich empfand, über Dinge, die ich, wie mir schien, besonders gut begriff, sah ich mich immer als etwas beinahe Abstraktes, denn die andere, visuelle Erinnerung war mir lästig und unangenehm. Die besten, lyrischsten oder schönsten Visionen verflüchtigten sich im Nu, sobald mir mein körperliches Erscheinungsbild in den Sinn kam - dermaßen krass war das Missverständnis zwischen ihm und der fiktiven und funkelnden Welt, die in meiner Phantasie erstanden war”
― Gaito Gasdanow, Het fantoom van Alexander Wolf

“Всяка сутрин се събуждам с чувството, че животът ми ще започне истински именно днес, усещането ми е като да съм на малко повече от шестнайсет години и човекът, който е видял толкова трагични и тъжни неща, онзи, който снощи е заспал в моето легло, е някакъв чужд и далечен и аз не разбирам нито неговата душевна умора, нито неговото огорчение. И всяка нощ на заспиване се чувствам така, сякаш съм живял много дълъг живот и всичко, което съм получил от него, е отвращението и товара на тези дълги години. И ето че денят отминава, и в зависимост от това как се приближава към края си, отровата на душевната умора прониква все по-надълбоко и по-надълбоко в мен.
Но това, разбира се, не е описание на моя живот.
Разказвам ти просто как съм се чувствал обикновено,”
― Gaito Gazdanov, The Spectre of Alexander Wolf

“Всяка любов е опит да забравиш съдбата си, наивна илюзия за кратко безсмъртие И все пак тя навярно е най-хубавото, което ни е дадено да познаем. Но и в нея не е трудно, разбира се, да се прозре бавната работа на смъртта.”
― Gaito Gazdanov, Het fantoom van Alexander Wolf

“Iedere ochtend, als ik wakker word, denk ik dat die dag mijn leven echt gaat beginnen, ik heb het idee dat ik nauwelijks ouder ben dan zestien en dat die man die zoveel tragische en droevige dingen kent en die gisternacht in mijn bed is ingeslapen een vreemde voor mij is, dat hij ver van mij afstaat en ik begrijp zijn geestelijke vermoeidheid en zijn droefheid niet. En iedere nacht bij het inslapen voel ik me alsof ik een heel lang leven achter de rug heb en alsof alles wat mij daarvan rest afschuw is en de last van lange jaren. En dan wordt het dag en naarmate die ten einde loopt, dringt dit gif van geestelijke vermoeidheid steeds dieper en dieper in mij door.”
― Gaito Gazdanov, Het fantoom van Alexander Wolf

“Among all my recollections, among all the numberless sensations of my life, the memory of the lone murder I had committed weighed heaviest on my mind.”
― Gaito Gazdanov, Het fantoom van Alexander Wolf

“And only now am I beginning to think that perhaps not all is lost.”
― Gaito Gazdanov, The Spectre of Alexander Wolf