How Right You Are, Jeeves Quotes

“The snag in this business of falling in love, aged relative, is that the parties of the first part so often get mixed up with the wrong parties of the second part, robbed of their cooler judgement by the party of the second part's glamour. Put it like this: the male sex is divided into rabbits and non-rabbits and the female sex into dashers and dormice, and the trouble is that the male rabbit has a way of getting attracted by the female dasher (who would be fine for the non-rabbit) and realizing too late that he ought to have been concentrating on some mild, gentle dormouse with whom he could settle down peacefully and nibble lettuce.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, How Right You Are, Jeeves

“She was, in short, melted by his distress, as so often happens with the female sex. Poets have frequently commented on this. You are probably familiar with the one who said, "Oh, woman in our hours of ease tum tumty tiddly something please, when something something something brow, a something something something thou.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, How Right You Are, Jeeves

“He couldn’t have moved quicker if he had been the dachshund Poppet, who at this juncture was running round in circles, trying, if I read his thoughts aright, to work off the rather heavy lunch he had had earlier in the afternoon.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, How Right You Are, Jeeves

“Apparently that dog of hers joined you in the water.”

Yes, that’s right, he took his dip with the rest of us. But what’s that got to do with it?”

Wilbert Cream dived in and saved him.”

He could have got ashore perfectly well under his own steam. In fact, he was already on his way, doing what looked like an Australian crawl.”

That wouldn’t occur to a pinhead like Phyllis. To her Wilbert Cream is the man who rescued her dachshund from a watery grave. So she’s going to marry him.”

But you don’t marry fellows because they rescue dachshunds.”

You do, if you’ve got a mentality like hers.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, How Right You Are, Jeeves

“I heard the telephone tootling out in the hall and rose to attend it.

“Bertram Wooster’s residence,” I said, having connected with the instrument. “Wooster in person at this end. Oh, hullo,” I added, for the voice that boomed over the wire was that of Mrs. Thomas Portalington Travers of Brinkley Court, Market Snodsbury, near Droitwich — or, putting it another way, my good and deserving Aunt Dahlia. “A very hearty pip-pip to you, old ancestor,” I said, well pleased, for she is a woman with whom it is always a privilege to chew the fat.

“And a rousing toodle-oo to you, you young blot on the landscape,” she replied cordially.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, How Right You Are, Jeeves

“I don't know anything that braces one up like finding you haven't got to get married after all.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, How Right You Are, Jeeves

“She gulped like a bulldog trying to swallow a sirloin steak many sizes too large for its thoracic cavity”
― P.G. Wodehouse, How Right You Are, Jeeves

“It's this book Daddy wrote about preparatory schools. He wrote a book about preparatory schools. Did you know he had written a book about preparatory schools?'

'Hadn't an inkling. Nobody tells me anything.'

'Well, he wrote this book about preparatory schools. It was about preparatory schools.'

'About preparatory schools, was it?'

'Yes, about preparatory schools.'

'Thank God we've got that straightened out at last. I had a feeling we should get somewhere if we dug long enough.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, How Right You Are, Jeeves

“Well!' she said. 'What's all this? I thought you told me she loved young Herring with a passion like boiling oil.'

'That was her story.'

'The oil seems to have gone off the boil. Yes, sir, if that was the language of love, I'll eat my hat,' said the blood relation, alluding, I took it, to the beastly straw contraption in which she does her gardening, concerning which I can only say that it is almost as foul as Uncle Tom's Sherlock Holmes deerstalker, which has frightened more crows than any other lid in Worcestershire.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, How Right You Are, Jeeves

“In the first two minutes. He wouldn't hurt a fly, but he has to put up a front because his name's Poppet. One can readily appreciate that when a dog hears himself addressed day in and day out as Poppet, he feels he must throw his weight about. His self-respect demands it.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, How Right You Are, Jeeves

“Does Anatole still do those Timbales de ris de veau Toulousiane?'

And the Sylphides à la crême d'écrevisses.'

'There is none like him, none,' said Kipper, moistening the lips with the tip of the tongue and looking like a wolf that has just spotted its Russian peasant. 'He stands alone.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, How Right You Are, Jeeves

“You feel there are mice in these parts?'

'I saw one this morning, when I was doing the room. So I brought Augustus,' she said, and indicated a large black cat who until then had escaped my notice. I recognized him as an old crony with whom I had often breakfasted, I wading into the scrambled eggs, he into the saucer of milk.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, How Right You Are, Jeeves

“Still, the whole thing provided, as I say, food for thought, and I was in what is called a reverie as I made my way to the house, a reverie so profound that no turf accountant would have given any but the shortest odds against my sooner or later bumping into something.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, How Right You Are, Jeeves

“Mind you, I'm not saying a word against old Kipper. The salt of the earth. But nobody could have called him a knock-out in the way of looks. Having gone in a lot for boxing from his earliest years, he had the cauliflower ear of which I had spoken to Aunt Dahlia and in addition to this a nose which some hidden hand had knocked slightly out of the straight. He would, in short, have been an unsafe entrant to have backed in a beauty contest, even if the only other competitors had been Boris Karloff, King Kong and Oofy Prosser of the Drones.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, How Right You Are, Jeeves

“I've never hunted myself, but I understand that half the battle is being able to make noises like some jungle animal with dyspepsia, and I believe that Aunt Dahlia in her prime could lift fellow-members of the Quorn and Pytchley out of their saddles with a single yip, though separated from them by two ploughed fields and a spinney.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, How Right You Are, Jeeves