The Charisma Myth Quotes

“When to use it: Focus charisma is appropriate for almost all business situations. It’s particularly useful when you need people to open up and share information. In fact, this is a great charisma style for management consultants or those in other professional services, such as lawyers, accountants, and financial advisers. Focus charisma can also be very helpful in difficult situations, such as negotiations or to defuse hostile conversations. On the other hand, avoid focus charisma when you need to appear authoritative or during emergencies when you need immediate compliance.”
― Olivia Fox Cabane, The Charisma Myth: How to Engage, Influence and Motivate People

“KEY TAKEAWAYS   Charisma has three essential components: presence, power, and warmth.   Being present—paying attention to what’s going on rather than being caught up in your thoughts—can yield immense rewards. When you exhibit presence, those around you feel listened to, respected, and valued.   Because your body language telegraphs your internal state to those around you, in order to be charismatic—to exhibit presence, power, and warmth—you must display charismatic body language.   Because your mind can’t tell the difference between imagination and reality, by creating a charismatic internal state your body language will authentically display charisma.   In terms of achieving charisma, your internal state is critical. Get the internal state right, and the right charismatic behaviors and body language will pour forth automatically.”
― Olivia Fox Cabane, The Charisma Myth: How to Engage, Influence and Motivate People

“Expensive clothing leads us to assume wealth, friendly body language leads us to assume good intentions, a confident posture leads us to assume the person has something to be confident about. In essence, people will tend to accept whatever you project.”
― Olivia Fox Cabane, The Charisma Myth: How to Engage, Influence and Motivate People

“Being charismatic does not depend on how much time you have but on how fully present you are in each interaction. The ability to be fully present makes you stand out from the crowd; it makes you memorable. When you’re fully present, even a five-minute conversation can create a “wow” effect, as well as an emotional connection. The people you’re with feel that they have your full attention and that they are the most important thing in the world to you at that moment.”
― Olivia Fox Cabane, The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism

“Once we’ve made a judgment about someone, we spend the rest of our acquaintanceship seeking to prove ourselves correct”
― Olivia Fox Cabane, The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism

“Because what’s in your mind shows up in your body and because people will catch even the briefest microexpression, to be effective, charismatic behaviors must originate in your mind.”
― Olivia Fox Cabane, The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism

“The very next time you’re in a conversation, try to regularly check whether your mind is fully engaged or whether it is wandering elsewhere (including preparing your next sentence). Aim to bring yourself back to the present moment as often as you can by focusing on your breath or your toes for just a second, and then get back to focusing on the other person.”
― Olivia Fox Cabane, The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism

“Charismatic internal skills, which help you manage your internal state, form the necessary foundation upon which to build your charismatic external skills.”
― Olivia Fox Cabane, The Charisma Myth: How to Engage, Influence and Motivate People

“Numerous studies confirm that low blood glucose levels lead to impaired attention as well as to difficulties regulating emotions and behavior.”
― Olivia Fox Cabane, The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism

“One of the reasons that the Dalai Lama has such a powerful effect on people is his ability to radiate both tremendous warmth and complete acceptance.”
― Olivia Fox Cabane, The Charisma Myth: How to Engage, Influence and Motivate People

“Another way to destigmatize discomfort is to remind yourself that you’re not alone in this experience. With about 7 billion people on the planet, I can absolutely guarantee you that not just one but scores of people are going through the same thing at this very moment. Rather than seeing it as one big emotion felt by one person, see a community of people struggling with it—one difficult burden shared by many.”
― Olivia Fox Cabane, The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism

“How can you use this technique to your advantage? You could indeed ask your opponents for their help or ask them for a favor. Better still, ask them for something they can give without incurring any cost: their opinion. Asking for someone’s opinion is a better strategy than asking for their advice, because giving advice feels like more effort, as they have to tailor a recommendation to your situation, whereas with an opinion, they can just spout whatever is on their mind. Best of all is to call upon the benefits of rationalization through something they’ve already done for you. Find ways to remind them of any help they’ve given you in the past. Express your appreciation and gratitude, highlight the choice they made, the effort they put in; and if they put their reputation on the line for you in any way, play it up. Remember, it’ll make them rationalize their actions in your favor. “Wow, I really did go all-out for this person. I must really like them.”
― Olivia Fox Cabane, The Charisma Myth: How to Engage, Influence and Motivate People

“This technique has become known as the Ben Franklin Effect. Having lent Franklin the book, the opponent had to either consider himself as inconsistent (having done a favor for someone he disliked) or rationalize his action by deciding that he actually rather liked Franklin. “I did something nice for this person, so I must like him. I wouldn’t have agreed to do a favor for someone I dislike. That wouldn’t make sense.” Using this technique encouraged the opponent to rationalize his actions in Franklin’s favor.”
― Olivia Fox Cabane, The Charisma Myth: How to Engage, Influence and Motivate People

“When people are defensive, break their body language lock by handing them something to look at or something they will have to lean forward to take.   To project power, take up space (be the big gorilla) and be still (adopt a regal posture).   Cut out verbal and nonverbal reassurances like head bobbing and excessive uh-huh-ing.”
― Olivia Fox Cabane, The Charisma Myth: How to Engage, Influence and Motivate People

“table). Fidgeting decreases presence, thus charisma. Even when you have warmth, confidence, and are mentally present, if you are physically restless, you can’t be charismatic. Your body language is sending distracting signals. I know one particular young entrepreneur who is both confident and warm, yet his restless tics and incessant fidgeting make him seem odd and eccentric. He comes across as a child who can’t keep still and has a hard time being taken seriously.”
― Olivia Fox Cabane, The Charisma Myth: How to Engage, Influence and Motivate People

“In one study, complete strangers were asked to count the number of times the person across from them blinked. This was just a ploy to get people to look deeply into each other’s eyes without feeling the awkwardness that usually arises. Within just a few minutes, people reported increased affection, and some even passionate feelings, for each other.10 So obviously, you don’t want to overdo it, but it can be very effective.”
― Olivia Fox Cabane, The Charisma Myth: How to Engage, Influence and Motivate People

“As Dale Carnegie said, “You can make more friends in two months by becoming truly interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”
― Olivia Fox Cabane, The Charisma Myth: How to Engage, Influence and Motivate People

“I tell all my clients: Don’t try to impress people. Let them impress you, and they will love you for it. Believe it or not, you don’t need to sound smart. You just need to make them feel smart.”
― Olivia Fox Cabane, The Charisma Myth: How to Engage, Influence and Motivate People

“Have you ever heard the phrase “Don’t shoot the messenger”? Back in ancient Persia, a messenger would be dispatched after a battle to bring the king news of either victory or defeat. If the messenger reported victory, he was treated to a feast. But if he came bearing news of failure, he was immediately executed. Though we no longer execute people on a whim, the underlying basis for this custom remains: people will associate you with whatever feelings you produce in them on a consistent basis.”
― Olivia Fox Cabane, The Charisma Myth: How to Engage, Influence and Motivate People

“When someone has spoken, see if you can let your facial expression react first, showing that you’re absorbing what they’ve just said and giving their brilliant statement the consideration it deserves. Only then, after about two seconds, do you answer. The sequence goes like this: They finish their sentence Your face absorbs Your face reacts Then, and only then, you answer Now, I’m not saying this is easy. It takes confidence to bear silence, both because of the awkwardness you may feel and because of the uncertainty of not knowing what they’re thinking during those two seconds. But it’s worth it. Several of my clients told me that this one simple technique had a major impact for them. The people they interacted with seemed to feel more relaxed and better understood, and they were willing to share more and open up—a high return for just two seconds of patience.”
― Olivia Fox Cabane, The Charisma Myth: How to Engage, Influence and Motivate People

“Great conversationalists keep the spotlight on the other person and make them feel good about themselves.”
― Olivia Fox Cabane, The Charisma Myth: How to Engage, Influence and Motivate People

“Wait until your conversation partner has finished a sentence, and say something to the effect of, “You know, based on what you’ve just said, you really should check out this Web site. If you have a card, I’ll send you the link.” As soon as your counterpart gives you a business card, you have the perfect opportunity to say, “Great! I’ll e-mail you soon. It was a pleasure meeting you.”
― Olivia Fox Cabane, The Charisma Myth: How to Engage, Influence and Motivate People

“Another way to exit a conversation with grace is to offer something of value: Information: an article, book, or Web site you think might be of use to them A connection: someone they ought to meet whom you know and can introduce them to Visibility: an organization you belong to, where you could invite them to speak Recognition: an award you think they should be nominated for Offering value will often create in others a feeling of warmth and goodwill toward you, and your departure from the conversation will be haloed by the impression of generosity you’ve created.”
― Olivia Fox Cabane, The Charisma Myth: How to Engage, Influence and Motivate People

“To make yourself even more relatable, adjust your choice of words, your breadth and depth of vocabulary, and your expressions to suit your audience: focus on their fields of interest and choose metaphors from those domains. If they’re into golf and you want to talk about success, speak of hitting a hole in one. If they sail, a catastrophe becomes a shipwreck. One of my clients, a Deutsche Bank analyst, told me she couldn’t seem to establish a good relationship with her boss. She described him as rather brusque, almost militaristic in his demeanor, “and, in fact, he often uses battle language in our daily interactions.” That, to me, was just the clue we needed. I suggested adopting military analogies in which she would liken herself to a “loyal soldier” or a “good lieutenant,” and gradually increasing the use of military vocabulary in their conversations. Within a week, she told me that their interactions had significantly improved—he now seemed to regard her as “one of his people,” and someone he could count on. This was a high return on investment for just adding a few words to her vocabulary!”
― Olivia Fox Cabane, The Charisma Myth: How to Engage, Influence and Motivate People

“Visionary Charisma: Belief and Confidence Visionary charisma makes others feel inspired; it makes us believe. It can be remarkably effective even though it won’t necessarily make people like you.”
― Olivia Fox Cabane, The Charisma Myth: How to Engage, Influence and Motivate People

“One of the keys to communicating your visionary charisma is getting yourself into a state of complete conviction, shedding any doubt. You can use the tools you gained in chapters 3 and 4, such as rewriting reality, to strengthen your belief, or the responsibility transfer, to free yourself from the effect of uncertainty.”
― Olivia Fox Cabane, The Charisma Myth: How to Engage, Influence and Motivate People

“What people notice: We assess visionary charisma primarily through demeanor, which includes body language and behavior. Due to the fact that people tend to accept whatever you project, if you seem inspired, they will assume you have something to be inspired about.”
― Olivia Fox Cabane, The Charisma Myth: How to Engage, Influence and Motivate People

“Just before giving a presentation: Some of this century’s best-known speakers report using some version of visualization just before stepping into the spotlight. In fact, it would be unusual to find a great speaker who doesn’t. When clients ask me if they should use visualization before an important speech, I answer, “Only if you want it to go really well!”
― Olivia Fox Cabane, The Charisma Myth: How to Engage, Influence and Motivate People

“Skillfully handling any difficult experience is a three-step process: destigmatize discomfort, neutralize negativity, and rewrite reality.”
― Olivia Fox Cabane, The Charisma Myth: How to Engage, Influence and Motivate People

“Self-criticism is one of the most common obstacles to great performance in any field.”
― Olivia Fox Cabane, The Charisma Myth: How to Engage, Influence and Motivate People