Building Resilience in Children and Teens Quotes

“Keep the tone light and avoid confrontational dialogue. Regardless of where the role-playing leads, stay calm so your child can think instead of react. Don't jump in with answers. Let her fill in the blanks and come up with her own suggestions or solutions....Truly cool parents are nonjudgemental adults who respect children and don't try to act like kids themselves or be their best friend.”
― Kenneth R. Ginsburg MD FAAP, Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Kids Roots and Wings

“The bottom line is that perfectionism drives people toward exhaustion for fear that anything less than the best makes them unacceptable. We must look at our children and notice how they are experiencing the process rather than push for a result. If they are driven to achieve to please others, we need to consistently reinforce that they are acceptable to us just because they are ours....

If you directly criticize perfectionists for being hard on themselves rather than absorbing the lesson you hope to convey, they may just use this as more fuel to reinforce their sense of inadequacy. It is better to notice that they seem uncomfortable or are struggling more than they should....

Parents nees to accept children for themselves, not compare them to siblings, neighbors, or other students who win full scholarships. Such comparisons are damaging to children feeling comfortable about themselves. ...

When you think you should comment about how your children could do better, base your statement on that fact that they already have done better.”
― Kenneth R. Ginsburg MD FAAP, Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Kids Roots and Wings

“The truth is that successful people excel at something. What makes them interesting is that they also do other things that challenge or intrigue them.....Unrealistic expectations foster the drive toward perfectionism that is bound to crash-land.”
― Kenneth R. Ginsburg MD FAAP, Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Kids Roots and Wings

“What does it do to children when they are raised in a culture, where, to be noticed, you have to be the very best? And to be destroyed, you need only be caught making a mistake.”
― Kenneth R. Ginsburg MD FAAP, Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Kids Roots and Wings

“As long as grades remain high and they continue to be involved in many extracurricular activities, their parents believe they must be doing well, regardless of outward or inward signs of stress. They believe that happiness sometimes needs to be sacrificed in the name of accomplishment....

More parents need to understand that while some children say they are fine, their stres often manifests with physical concerns such as headaches, fatigue, insomnia, dizziness, and belly pain. To evaluate whether children are moving toward authentic success, we need to look less at their accomplishments and more at the kids themselves.”
― Kenneth R. Ginsburg MD FAAP, Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Kids Roots and Wings

“Many parents believe that they know exactly how to get children to figure out what's wrong - they tell them; they lecture about every possible dire consequence of their behaviors. Parents' protective instincts want to steer children far away from dangerous outcomes and toward safer, immediate solutions. What are some reasons that we jump in as soon as our parent alarm rings and try to fix their problems or correct their mistakes?
-We worry that they will not be successful
-We think that they are not trying their hardest
-We worry that they will embarrass us or reflect poorly on us
We see our children as reflections of ourselves; they become the product we have produced, and we want our work to seem perfect
-We are uncomfortable when we make mistakes and assume our children share that insecurity. We wish to spare them the same discomfort
-We have strong standards of right and wrong, and we don't want our children to stray too close to the boundaries of what we believe is wrong.
-We think that criticism is the best kind of guidance, and we offer our judgments as keys to self-improvement.”
― Kenneth R. Ginsburg MD FAAP, Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Kids Roots and Wings

“Most children take a few developmental steps forward and, just as parents are taking pride in their progress, something new and challenging appears on the horizon that's beyond their capabilities. Then they regress a step or two, behave as they did last year, or last out at their parents. This is normal!”
― Kenneth R. Ginsburg MD FAAP, Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Kids Roots and Wings