Advanced Chemistry Quotes

“Anyway, my life has been boring because I’ve been here for the past two weeks. I haven’t even had a chance to see Mathias.” Mathias was her boyfriend, a pre-law student presumably doing a similar amount of cramming. “He texted me a dick pic a few days ago, but I’ve been so busy, I haven’t had a chance to look at it.” She tossed me her phone. “Can you open it and respond back?”

The phone landed in my hands like a live grenade.

“Write back something complimentary about his dick. Like ‘OMG so big.’ And add some emoji. Eggplant, winky face. Make it flirty, but not so flirty that he thinks we’re going to be having sex this week.”

“Um, I’m going to let you handle that one.” I slid back the phone, preferring not to Cyrano with her boyfriend’s junk.”
― A.J. Truman, Advanced Chemistry