American Association for the Advancement of Aardvarks Presents Quotes

“Birthdays, like women named Bertha, are not named after great Aunt Natalie. But you, Natalie, just might be. I’m named after my uncle Birthday, who never had one since he died in the womb.”
― Jarod Kintz, American Association for the Advancement of Aardvarks Presents: Dear Natalie

“Jarod Kintz likes writing about himself in the third person, because he really relates to the third person. The odd man out. If two is company, then the first person and the second person are just fine together. But why is the third person always hanging around? Jarod often feels like that outsider, the person on the smallest pedestal, the bronze medalist of personal pronouns. If the third person makes you feel like she-it, then maybe you can relate to some of Jarod’s work.”
― Jarod Kintz, American Association for the Advancement of Aardvarks Presents: Dear Natalie

“Dear Natalie,
In a recent study conducted by jarodkintz.com, nine out of ten people were more likely to say yes when the salesperson wore pants. The curious thing is that the prospective customers were being sold a foreskin, and only one out of ten people actually needed to see the product before buying it.”
― Jarod Kintz, American Association for the Advancement of Aardvarks Presents: Dear Natalie

“Through the machine I want access to Agatha’s mind. What machine? The Orafoura Gigometer Dream Accesser 4000 (The Utopian version, not the Bensalem edition).”
― Jarod Kintz, American Association for the Advancement of Aardvarks Presents: Dear Natalie